To be so embarrassed by my 5yo DD behaviour

[hellosunshin3]

I just had a friend over for the night.

DD,who is usually very pleasant, hardly acknowledged her and was so rude.

When she walked into the kitchen this morning, she walked straight past my friend without saying morning. When I said "what do you say to [friend], she bowed her head as though she had nothing to say.

When friend was leaving an hour or so later, she did the same thing and turned her head when I said "are you saying goodbye".

DH is socially awkward and was turning his back to do other stuff, butter his toast, make his coffee etc, when dear friend was talking to him. Made his breakfast and took it into the living room to eat it with the kids, saying he was looking after the kids but actually it was his way of escaping any social chat.

I'm so humiliated at them both. So cross at DD as she knows better and it's out of character. Was going to take them out for the day in this rain but feel as though she doesn't deserve to be treated after that behaviour. WWYD.

Because some people are more private than others.

I know!
really makes you wonder how they cope day to day socially
all this talk of invasion of privacy and throwing her family under a bus just cos she dared to have a friend round?! Should Op not have any friends to appease her family?!

YABVU and a massive overreaction. If your 5yo is shy, now she will dread visitors/adults even more.

So unreasonable to force a child to interact with someone they are unsure of. I also think it’s important to respect a child boundaries and your child clearly set them, and I’d hardly say for a 5 year old ignoring is rude, most five year old would have called the friend a poo face where as your child just didn’t interact. Just because you like and trust your friend doesn’t mean your child does or should be forced. As adults we find it difficult to interact with people we don’t like and can choose for ourselves who we interact with, I believe children should have that choice too, especially when it’s just your friend. I will not force my child to interact with people they choose not to because I will not have them feel I put others feelings above their comfort. This includes relatives who will try to force cuddles and kisses and goodbyes. They will be told it’s fine to ask but you respect if he says no.

What does it teach children if we tell them no matter how uncomfortable you feel with a person mummy and daddy trust them so you should? That opens up a whole lot of avenues for abuse in my eyes, as someone who was abused by a trusted family friend as a child. No one thought anything of it when he was so kind and nice to me, it was because he was kind and nice to everyone. The adults also didn’t pick up on my discomfort around the person for what it really was and told me of course I should give uncle a kiss and cuddle before he leaves because it’s polite, because he played with you, brought you toys ect. As a child I didn’t realise that the other things he asked me to do that made me uncomfortable were wrong because of course I should do as uncle asked, as I was taught by my parents.

No day out - she needs to be put in stocks as punishment.

Jheeezeee.

This is horrible to read. I would never force my child to speak to anyone!

Isn't it? I remember it well, complete with a nudge from a sharp elbow. Hideous.

It reminds me of parents enforcing hugging onto family members and also reminds me of the thread earlier this week about a woman not forcing her children to kiss their granny.
It is the same principle. If I could clearly see my daughter didn't want to talk to someone, I wouldn't in a million years force her. and then reprimand her by cancelling a day out.
OP needs to work on her boundary setting as a parent I think.