Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent/teacher swearing at pupils

240 replies

Passe · 04/08/2023 01:08

Still a bit gobsmacked by tonight's events so just wanted some rational thoughts as to what I should do.

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx

At one point a few of them disappeared and DD went to find them. They were all v drubk and smoking weed. One girl in particular was out of it and started vomiting. DD held back her hair and said they needed to get the girl back to her house (nearby).

Not sure of the details but basically they got the girl home and the mum answered the door.
She took one look at her DD and started screaming at all the friends
"Fuck off you fucking little Cs; how dare you let my DD get like this...why the fuck didn't you stop her... you little fucks!!... etc etc...."

This in itself isn't great, especially as this girl has form for getting obliterated, but the worst of it is that this woman is DD's teacher!!!
Several witnesses, including another parent have verified what was said and whilst of course I get she was shocked and worried, also that this happened out of school; I am utterly appalled by her language.

I did ask DD if the teacher realised it was her students she was ranting at and DD said absolutely.

I'm not sure what to do now. DD is about to go into year 11 and is worried about any fallout or amniosity. from this teacher. It is a private school with small class sizes so no hiding from this woman! Another parent is going to raise a formal complaint but I'm not sure whether I just tell DD to keep her head down and obviously steer clear of any more parties with this girl.

One positive is that it's shown my DD the dangers of getting paralytic, especially young girls. I hope

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 04/08/2023 01:12

You have to report it to the school. Get an account of what was said while it is fresh in your dad's mind.

PeanutButterOnToad · 04/08/2023 01:22

Batshit behaviour and of course unacceptable - you do need to make a complaint to the school for unprofessional behaviour - but if there were adults present at the party, and the way you phrase it it sounds like they were aware of the alcohol, why on earth were the kids allowed to get into this state. I know half of the posters on MN take the “15 is nearly adult and of course they all drink” approach but where I live supplying alcohol to anyone under 18 can get you into a lot of trouble so most parents police parties for that age pretty strictly.

Original poster
Passe · 04/08/2023 01:28

Completely agree re. the alcohol. I've sent DD to bed but will get more info from her tomorrow.
I'm not sure if alcohol was supplied or just taken. Either way, it is a rural area and plenty of opportunity to sneak off to get drunk/stoned. That is a conversation we will be having.

The main issue right now for me is the teacher's behaviour. I am still quite shocked

OP posts:
echt · 04/08/2023 01:33

School holidays is it? Hmm

The people you need to be annoyed about are the adults at the party who allowed the drinking to go on.

You can try informing the school about the teacher mother in for her behaviour on her own property and see where it gets you. I'll tell you now - nowhere.

echt · 04/08/2023 01:37

Also, you weren't there and are not sure of the details? Yeah right.

Where I taught until recently that teacher mother would have been legally obliged to report every child involved for safeguarding. And the parents of any child form that school at the party.

BungleandGeorge · 04/08/2023 01:38

I wouldn’t report that to the school, no. She swore at them a bit which isn’t great but it’s happened totally outside of school. I would be alert to any affect on the professional relationship next term. If you have know the teacher I may speak to
them as another parent.
id be more upset with the party hosts that they’ve allowed drugs and alcohol for 14/15 year olds

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2023 01:40

The people you need to be annoyed about are the adults at the party who allowed the drinking to go on.

Adults allowed a child to get alcohol poisoning but swearing is the concern? Kids die every year from alcohol. None to my knowledge have died of swearing.

Original poster
Passe · 04/08/2023 01:43

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2023 01:40

The people you need to be annoyed about are the adults at the party who allowed the drinking to go on.

Adults allowed a child to get alcohol poisoning but swearing is the concern? Kids die every year from alcohol. None to my knowledge have died of swearing.

The same then surely goes for this teacher. She should be angry at the hosting parents, not the teens?

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 04/08/2023 01:47

it Wasn’t just swearing though tbh it sounds like it was extremely aggressive and to kids who were trying to help. Ultimately it’s the daughter and the teacher mother as her parent who are responsible for her behaviour. The alcohol/ drugs weren’t forced on her and I don’t think excuses should be made for an adult behaving like that. I’d be happy to have words directly parent to parent but I guess many wouldn’t because it’s very awkward. And ultimately part of being a professional is being expected to behave in a certain way in your private life although teachers aren’t registered so no real recourse in this case

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2023 05:04

The same then surely goes for this teacher. She should be angry at the hosting parents, not the teens?

Yes of course. But she's not here asking!

woodenfreckle · 04/08/2023 05:22

I'm sure she was terrified for her daughter and very worried. Fear of her job, the consequences and whether her daughter would be okay after taking to many drugs probably made her react irrationally. I expect she will regret her behaviour in the morning as will her daughter. Personally I would have some compassion but she should show some rational behaviour and follow the correct procedures going forward.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/08/2023 05:25

Make sure your daughter understands that the girl is responsible for her own actions, but it’s a good thing to bring someone home if they are in that state. Tell her if it happens again still bring the girl home, but leave her at the door ring the bell and run.

electriclight · 04/08/2023 05:33

Of course she shouldn't have sworn at them, or blamed anyone but her daughter and the parents who allowed alcohol at the party.

But I can only imagine the panic of opening the door at night to find your child in that state. She must have been desperately worried, upset and angry.

She will regret her behaviour this morning and be worried for several reasons - her reaction leading to a complaint, reporting safeguarding concerns about parents of her child's friends.

Are the other set of complaining parents the ones who hosted the party? Because if so then they are probably feeling defensive and trying to deflect criticism.

On balance, I think I would be getting in touch today to check on her daughter's welfare and cautiously raise it. Her response would help me make a decision about whether to complain I think.

electriclight · 04/08/2023 05:36

I'm also surprised that you're 'utterly appalled' by her language and posting on mn about a complaint but don't seem unduly worried that your 15yo was at a party, supervised by parents, where drugs and alcohol were available.

HerMammy · 04/08/2023 06:31

Are teachers meant to be on duty 24/7, 52 weeks of the year?
Why would you report her? Would you like to be reported to your employer for swearing outside of work?
No wonder we have teacher shortages, with MN reporting everything to the schools.

Againstmachine · 04/08/2023 06:48

Would you report them if they were a dentist, who would you report to if it was a SAHM, it outside work so it doesn't have any relevance and who was probably really worried

Doingmybest12 · 04/08/2023 06:49

I don't think I'd feel strongly enough about the swearing parent to report it to the school given these circumstances. Likelihood will be the rumour mill will start at school from the students and she'll be spoken to or she's sitting at home now really embarrassed and worried about the consequences. I wouldn't want to heap on anything more , unless you are going to say she of inappropriate at school etc

Rainiestsummer · 04/08/2023 06:55

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/08/2023 05:25

Make sure your daughter understands that the girl is responsible for her own actions, but it’s a good thing to bring someone home if they are in that state. Tell her if it happens again still bring the girl home, but leave her at the door ring the bell and run.

And if no one was in...?

Trebormints74 · 04/08/2023 06:55

BungleandGeorge · 04/08/2023 01:47

it Wasn’t just swearing though tbh it sounds like it was extremely aggressive and to kids who were trying to help. Ultimately it’s the daughter and the teacher mother as her parent who are responsible for her behaviour. The alcohol/ drugs weren’t forced on her and I don’t think excuses should be made for an adult behaving like that. I’d be happy to have words directly parent to parent but I guess many wouldn’t because it’s very awkward. And ultimately part of being a professional is being expected to behave in a certain way in your private life although teachers aren’t registered so no real recourse in this case

Teachers are registered. And it can be taken away.

littleripper · 04/08/2023 06:55

echt · 04/08/2023 01:33

School holidays is it? Hmm

The people you need to be annoyed about are the adults at the party who allowed the drinking to go on.

You can try informing the school about the teacher mother in for her behaviour on her own property and see where it gets you. I'll tell you now - nowhere.

This ☝️
She is a mother who blew her top. She's off work. Do you want reporting to your boss for what you say out of work?
And the issue is with the kids and the parents allowing the party. The teacher was not even there

Nagado · 04/08/2023 06:56

Will you be contacting the employers of the parents who were at the party to complain that they weren’t supervising the teens properly and allowed a group to waltz off to get drunk and smoke weed? No? You’re more upset about the swearing? I think your priorities are very odd.

Seashor · 04/08/2023 06:58

At that moment in time she wasn’t being a teacher , she was being a mother, a panic stricken mother. Cut the poor woman some slack.
You weren’t even there so are going by the ‘truth’ as told by teenagers who ALWAYS tell the truth. I hope she reports every single one of your children to the police.

Electricqueen · 04/08/2023 06:58

Fuck being a teacher nowadays.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2023 07:00

I wouldn't report it to the school if I was in that situation. She shouldn't have sworn like that, but she's also human and must have been worried sick when her child arrived home in that state.

If another parent wants to raise a formal complaint, they can. Her conduct falls short of professional standards.

I'd be more concerned that there's a lot of parents happy for their 15 year olds to be in the presence of other adults who supply so much alcohol that children get totally inebriated and have access to drugs. I also am concerned that the parents were apparently present at this party but it was left to a few children to take a a worryingly drink child home.

Daffodil18 · 04/08/2023 07:01

If she wasn’t a teacher what would you do? I think the best option is to call her and find out if her daughter is ok. Then explain that your daughter is upset as she was only helping. If she’s still got negative things to say about your daughter then yeah report it because that would impact your daughter at school. Chances are she was probably shocked and upset and has now calmed down.