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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parent/teacher swearing at pupils

240 replies

Passe · 04/08/2023 01:08

Still a bit gobsmacked by tonight's events so just wanted some rational thoughts as to what I should do.

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx

At one point a few of them disappeared and DD went to find them. They were all v drubk and smoking weed. One girl in particular was out of it and started vomiting. DD held back her hair and said they needed to get the girl back to her house (nearby).

Not sure of the details but basically they got the girl home and the mum answered the door.
She took one look at her DD and started screaming at all the friends
"Fuck off you fucking little Cs; how dare you let my DD get like this...why the fuck didn't you stop her... you little fucks!!... etc etc...."

This in itself isn't great, especially as this girl has form for getting obliterated, but the worst of it is that this woman is DD's teacher!!!
Several witnesses, including another parent have verified what was said and whilst of course I get she was shocked and worried, also that this happened out of school; I am utterly appalled by her language.

I did ask DD if the teacher realised it was her students she was ranting at and DD said absolutely.

I'm not sure what to do now. DD is about to go into year 11 and is worried about any fallout or amniosity. from this teacher. It is a private school with small class sizes so no hiding from this woman! Another parent is going to raise a formal complaint but I'm not sure whether I just tell DD to keep her head down and obviously steer clear of any more parties with this girl.

One positive is that it's shown my DD the dangers of getting paralytic, especially young girls. I hope

OP posts:
autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 04:53

I would definitely complain to school. The teacher holds a position of power over students and should absolutely not speak to them that way.

Yes the parents supervising the party have responsibility for what happens in their home but it sounds like the teens had left the house so therefore they were no longer responsible for them?

I would say the most responsibility lies with the child and her parents.

curaçao · 05/08/2023 07:05

The yeacher cannot just be sacked on the spot.The school would need to investigate, the teacher's Union would be involved and my feeling is the legal representation would drive a coach and horses through the testimony of a couple of drunk/ stoned children.
I really don't get why the parent who showed up didn't take the child home whatvwas the point of your daughter and her friends going too apart from to gliat and humiliate the teacher?

LolaSmiles · 05/08/2023 07:33

wlana
I'm inclined to agree with you.

This teacher shouldn't have said what she said. It breaks part 2 of the standards. They're also a parent who has just had their child brought home by other 15 year olds in a dangerous state of drug-fuelled drunkenness. It doesn't make it acceptable, but it does offer very important context.

I still think that if another parent wants to complain, they can, and if I was the OP in this situation I wouldn't report and would be keeping out of it. From the DD's version it sounds like the adults who finally showed up ended up arguing and shouting too. If OP's daughter is a generally decent girl, she'll keep her head down, stop going to house parties with alcohol and drugs as a child, and focus on her school.

What still concerns me is if these parents know what happens, OP included, what on earth are they all doing hosting alcohol/drug fuelled parties for children, and once they know what happens why on earth do they keep allowing their children to attend?

In any school I've worked at hearing about ONE party like this would be enough to log numerous safeguarding concerns (including the member of staff's child), let alone them happening enough that a parent can say "oh yes but that child also got high and drunk last weekend too" as they keep allowing their child to be in danger.

MichelleScarn · 05/08/2023 07:42

I can't believe posters are still being up in arms wanting consequences for a teacher swearing out of school, in their own home.
Wanting the teacher fired or to feel that they then have to walk on eggshells to not be reported by your DC (traumatised by a swear word child) for whatever pisses you off next could also lead to issues for them. Happy for dc to be asked to leave school if they swear at someone?

PearlHandle · 05/08/2023 08:59

I would absolutely be going into the school and making absolutely certain the situation is known and dealt with. Because it will be harder once it’s the year has started.

There is absolutely no chance of this being 'dealt with' be September.

Boomboom22 · 05/08/2023 10:16

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 05/08/2023 03:58

A parent screaming abuse voids that. It’s better than leaving the girl in the park on her own which is what is likely to happen after that.

Show quote history

Does it? So because someone is scared of being called a fucking cunt when for the second week running they have let their supposed friend get into a state then it's OK to leave them in that state as long as you ring the doorbell? Are you sure?

Boomboom22 · 05/08/2023 10:17

I'm really shocked people are that worried about their precious darling being called a name they would advocate leaving other people's kids in serious danger. Wtf?

Boomboom22 · 05/08/2023 10:18

Also calling someone a name in a heightened emotional situation in no way indicates abuse or that this teacher is likely to hit or be mean to this girl.

Mummy08m · 05/08/2023 10:22

PearlHandle · 05/08/2023 08:59

I would absolutely be going into the school and making absolutely certain the situation is known and dealt with. Because it will be harder once it’s the year has started.

There is absolutely no chance of this being 'dealt with' be September.

Indeed, and depending on the culture of the school, at all.

At my last school (also private) there were a lot of teacher-parents and it was just accepted that students might see their teachers (ie friends' parents) drunk or swearing etc if they hung out on a weekend. They would go on joint holidays and therefore see their teachers in pyjamas or swimsuits etc. Teacher-parents is really a slightly different set of rules.

The teacher in op's story did not harm op's dd. The kid who came to harm was the teacher's own dd. This is the crux of the matter imo.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 05/08/2023 12:24

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus nope, no apology and the girl fell out with dd too and became quite nasty

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 05/08/2023 13:20

Boomboom22 · 05/08/2023 10:16

Does it? So because someone is scared of being called a fucking cunt when for the second week running they have let their supposed friend get into a state then it's OK to leave them in that state as long as you ring the doorbell? Are you sure?

Show quote history

What do you think a teenager is going to do?

TortolaParadise · 05/08/2023 17:46

Mummy08m · 05/08/2023 10:22

Indeed, and depending on the culture of the school, at all.

At my last school (also private) there were a lot of teacher-parents and it was just accepted that students might see their teachers (ie friends' parents) drunk or swearing etc if they hung out on a weekend. They would go on joint holidays and therefore see their teachers in pyjamas or swimsuits etc. Teacher-parents is really a slightly different set of rules.

The teacher in op's story did not harm op's dd. The kid who came to harm was the teacher's own dd. This is the crux of the matter imo.

Show quote history

Yes this is very true ( & in state schools too). When any teacher lives within the catchment area, they are bound to be seen and heard living their life.

User56785 · 06/08/2023 08:22

A parent screaming abuse voids that. It’s better than leaving the girl in the park on her own which is what is likely to happen after that.

You would have to be a psychopath to not mind at all living the rest of your life knowing that you could have prevented the death your fifteen year old friend because you hadn't helped her when she was drunk because her Mammy had shouted at you.

YellowDots · 06/08/2023 08:28

One of my DD's friends was spiked by a needle in a nightclub and my 18 year old had to drag her out and take her to hospital in an Uber. As it happens, this girls mother is ridiculous and once banned my dd from her house for a year because I wouldn't let her dd come to the party of my younger dd. She's very highly strung and hard to deal with but dd still had to ring her in the middle of the night and tell her that her dd had been drugged by an unknown substance.

Afterwards my dd felt absolutely terrible. She had been so worried about her friend and terrified about what could have happened. For a start she could have been raped and/or murdered by whoever stuck a needle in her! It was a lot for her to have had to deal with and I was proud of how she had managed at only 18.

I don't think dd thought 'I'll just step over her collapsed body because her mum was mad at me when we were 14 and she wanted to go to my sister's Halloween party'

Vincent05 · 18/11/2023 19:31

We were involved with a teacher swearing at pupils outside school - my advice do not complain unless you have concrete evidence so a video or similar. You won’t get anywhere otherwise and it will be a lot of hassle.

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