Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent/teacher swearing at pupils

240 replies

Passe · 04/08/2023 01:08

Still a bit gobsmacked by tonight's events so just wanted some rational thoughts as to what I should do.

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx

At one point a few of them disappeared and DD went to find them. They were all v drubk and smoking weed. One girl in particular was out of it and started vomiting. DD held back her hair and said they needed to get the girl back to her house (nearby).

Not sure of the details but basically they got the girl home and the mum answered the door.
She took one look at her DD and started screaming at all the friends
"Fuck off you fucking little Cs; how dare you let my DD get like this...why the fuck didn't you stop her... you little fucks!!... etc etc...."

This in itself isn't great, especially as this girl has form for getting obliterated, but the worst of it is that this woman is DD's teacher!!!
Several witnesses, including another parent have verified what was said and whilst of course I get she was shocked and worried, also that this happened out of school; I am utterly appalled by her language.

I did ask DD if the teacher realised it was her students she was ranting at and DD said absolutely.

I'm not sure what to do now. DD is about to go into year 11 and is worried about any fallout or amniosity. from this teacher. It is a private school with small class sizes so no hiding from this woman! Another parent is going to raise a formal complaint but I'm not sure whether I just tell DD to keep her head down and obviously steer clear of any more parties with this girl.

One positive is that it's shown my DD the dangers of getting paralytic, especially young girls. I hope

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/08/2023 07:03

Rainiestsummer · 04/08/2023 06:55

And if no one was in...?

Show quote history

At least she tried.

littleripper · 04/08/2023 07:06

Electricqueen · 04/08/2023 06:58

Fuck being a teacher nowadays.

☝️absolutely

Vallmo47 · 04/08/2023 07:06

Forget her career, this was a worried mother seeing her child come home in an absolute state. Once she’s calmed down she will hopefully redirect that anger at her own child. I wouldn’t trust those adults to supervise my underage child again though, that’s for sure. What do they do career wise, maybe the other parent should report them? :)

Maray1967 · 04/08/2023 07:14

Some responses here have ignored parts of the original post. An adult witnessed the bad language so this is not a case of teens exaggerating . Alcohol was allowed at the party - but we all know that this could mean some wine and beers etc and that teens will sneak in vodka. And it is not illegal for teens to drink in private houses. The teens who were doing weed snuck off.

I would go round this morning and ask after the daughter. I would also raise the issue of why she swore at my daughter and expect to receive an apology. My son drank far too much at 17 at home as mates brought in vodka and were egging him on. One of them admitted it and apologised. DH took them home - neither of us swore at them or so much as told them off.

LadyPenelope68 · 04/08/2023 07:23

HerMammy · 04/08/2023 06:31

Are teachers meant to be on duty 24/7, 52 weeks of the year?
Why would you report her? Would you like to be reported to your employer for swearing outside of work?
No wonder we have teacher shortages, with MN reporting everything to the schools.

This exactly. She wasn’t in school, she was at home and her daughter has been brought home in a bad way. How would you feel if someone reported you to your employer because you’d been swearing? If she hadn’t been a teacher, say a Nurse, would you report her to her employer?? Give teachers a break, they’re humans you know. Parents like you are the reason teachers are leaving in droves, judging them outside school, it’s ridiculous.

are you going to report the parents present at the party who allowed young people to get steaming drunk and take drugs to their employer?? No? Then why report the poor woman for swearing.

35965a · 04/08/2023 07:26

LadyPenelope68 · 04/08/2023 07:23

This exactly. She wasn’t in school, she was at home and her daughter has been brought home in a bad way. How would you feel if someone reported you to your employer because you’d been swearing? If she hadn’t been a teacher, say a Nurse, would you report her to her employer?? Give teachers a break, they’re humans you know. Parents like you are the reason teachers are leaving in droves, judging them outside school, it’s ridiculous.

are you going to report the parents present at the party who allowed young people to get steaming drunk and take drugs to their employer?? No? Then why report the poor woman for swearing.

Show quote history

This ^

misssunshine4040 · 04/08/2023 07:27

Oh come on. She must have been terrified at seeing her daughter in this state. It's not great, it's unacceptable but she's human and she was not at work.

I can't believe you are so offended by some swearing in this situation
The parents providing the alcohol are the problem.

cafesandbookshops · 04/08/2023 07:30

Doesn’t almost everybody swear outside of work? As others have said, if sounds more like she she was scared/worried than angry. Not her best moment but a chance for teens to learn we are all human and panic sometimes, even teachers.

It seems to me that teachers are held up to these impossible standards and expectations by everyone from pupils, parents to those above etc. One of the many reasons I’m not a teacher anymore!

Cakeandcardio · 04/08/2023 07:30

Teachers are actually human beings too. Maybe model kindness and compassion in front of your daughter and explain that the woman was probably shocked and worried about her own child. Maybe reach out to her to see if she's OK?

Cakeandcardio · 04/08/2023 07:31

Vallmo47 · 04/08/2023 07:06

Forget her career, this was a worried mother seeing her child come home in an absolute state. Once she’s calmed down she will hopefully redirect that anger at her own child. I wouldn’t trust those adults to supervise my underage child again though, that’s for sure. What do they do career wise, maybe the other parent should report them? :)

Agree with this - the parents supplying alcohol to under 18s need to be reported to their employer AND the police.

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2023 07:37

LadyPenelope68 · 04/08/2023 07:23

This exactly. She wasn’t in school, she was at home and her daughter has been brought home in a bad way. How would you feel if someone reported you to your employer because you’d been swearing? If she hadn’t been a teacher, say a Nurse, would you report her to her employer?? Give teachers a break, they’re humans you know. Parents like you are the reason teachers are leaving in droves, judging them outside school, it’s ridiculous.

are you going to report the parents present at the party who allowed young people to get steaming drunk and take drugs to their employer?? No? Then why report the poor woman for swearing.

Show quote history

Exactly. Be a 'cool mum' about the cool parents who permit drinking and drugs, but try and ruin the career of a teacher for swearing?!
Or course moral op will have reported the party and safeguarding issues including that of her own to police and ss?
How are you going to word it op? There was swearing around your delicate flower dd who'll of course never have heard or used such language?
As pp has put. Fuck being a teacher these days, I couldn't be one!

Hapshetshut · 04/08/2023 07:37

I’m a teacher, I swear a lot outside school. She’s a mum who panicked, you’d be a dick to report anything ffs

Killingmytime · 04/08/2023 07:38

Thank god i decided to not go into teaching.
I only have sympathy for this woman!

MetalFences · 04/08/2023 07:42

Perhaps she's resigned. Like all the other teachers.

It genuinely wouldn't cross my mind to 'report' this to anyone at all.

Woman swears in own home. Big fucking deal.

AnSolas · 04/08/2023 07:43

Passe · 04/08/2023 01:43

The same then surely goes for this teacher. She should be angry at the hosting parents, not the teens?

Show quote history

They were all v drubk and smoking weed.

So what will you be saying to the owners and adults at the party?

The using of booze by a 15 year old?
The supply of illegal substance?

How is your daughter going to react when she gets told of the house party ban?

this girl has form for getting obliterated,

So the child has a serious drinking problem
And her mother is upset that her child's peers can not suport her avoiding booze.

HarryBlackberry1 · 04/08/2023 07:43

Like others have said, no wonder people are leaving teaching. Please don't report a poor mum for being worried sick about her child. It was likely a knee jerk reaction. Teachers are human. Would you report any other profession? I'd be channeling your anger at the adults who allowed alcohol and drugs and the party. I'd also check how the girl is, and reassure the teacher that you will not report her.

PearlHandle · 04/08/2023 07:44

Your child is in year ten and getting pissed up with a friend who is 'known for getting obliterated'?

Fabulous.

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2023 07:47

PearlHandle · 04/08/2023 07:44

Your child is in year ten and getting pissed up with a friend who is 'known for getting obliterated'?

Fabulous.

But the sweary words!
Am sure there must be others like the op who are gobsmacked the poor drug taking, drinking teens hearing swearing and know that the reporting of this to the school is of prime importance!! 🤔

StrictlyJowita · 04/08/2023 07:47

What are you going to say? That your child was at a piss up and Miss Teacher swore at her? Putting a private school in a position where they have to decide whose side to be on?

Be very sure of yourself before employing this as a strategy as it could go wrong. Your wayward child might be swept out of the door instead of the teacher,

Boomboom22 · 04/08/2023 07:48

I find your priorities very off. Year 10s were getting drunk and stoned to the point a teachers kid was taken home and you are worried about swearing? Maybe report the parents who are the actual problem not the sensible one who was rightly shocked at the state her supposed friends let her get in when there was meant to be supervision? Ffs swearing is nothing but drugs are a big deal!

HerMammy · 04/08/2023 07:55

@PearlHandle
and at a private school, MN love to boast their darlings are at private school, sounds like a lovely group
of kids & parents 🙄

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2023 07:56

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx
Oh wait a minute.. are these the cool kids and your daughter is starting to join them?
And just checking, you're happy for your dd to go to parties with the drinkers and drug takers and the parents who allow it, but not any parties with the girl whose parents disapprove?
steer clear of any more parties with this girl.
Who's Wendy, you or dd?

Original poster
Passe · 04/08/2023 07:56

Tbh I'm not sure how to respond here
Yes it's her own home, yes she was worried, yes she was off duty.

Most other adults I'd just say avoid in future but DD is taught by this person practically everyday!
Also it wasn't a case of "what the bloody hell is going on here..why is my daughter so oissed?"; this was about as verbally aggressive as it gets.
Is my DD supposed to just forget she's been called "a tucking cunt" (albeit out of school) by her teacher and crack on?

For context, she knew where DD was, she knew she was with school friends (all of them are at same school she teachers at), she knows her DD has form for this sort of behaviour.

I have several friends who are secondary teachers; I know how difficult the job is. I'm not looking for malicious revenge. However what I do need is some kind idea on how to handle what could be a difficult situation when DD goes back to school.

OP posts:
QuillBill · 04/08/2023 07:59

Where were these supervising parents? They are they ones you should be furious with. You see, to be condemning the obliterated girl for this.

I remember your thread asking about how much alcohol you should buy your daughter for this party as my dd is a similar age, although she's just finished year eleven.

When my oldest dd went to her first house party with a friend she was eighteen (because of covid) and her friend was raped by a sixteen year old and my dd had to get her out of this house at 2am in the middle of nowhere.

When children are in adult situations adult things can happen.

This party, where you thought your child was going to be safely having a good time with friends, with parents on site has not turned out that way.

You and the teacher mother are in the same situation. You thought your fifteen year olds would be safe at this party. She was shocked to find out otherwise. She swore,

Now you are shocked to find out otherwise. Your fifteen year old was NOT safe and she was not supervised. Anything could have happened to her.

That's where your anger should be directed.

Nagado · 04/08/2023 08:00

Maray1967 · 04/08/2023 07:14

Some responses here have ignored parts of the original post. An adult witnessed the bad language so this is not a case of teens exaggerating . Alcohol was allowed at the party - but we all know that this could mean some wine and beers etc and that teens will sneak in vodka. And it is not illegal for teens to drink in private houses. The teens who were doing weed snuck off.

I would go round this morning and ask after the daughter. I would also raise the issue of why she swore at my daughter and expect to receive an apology. My son drank far too much at 17 at home as mates brought in vodka and were egging him on. One of them admitted it and apologised. DH took them home - neither of us swore at them or so much as told them off.

I don’t think those responses have ignored anything. I might have missed it, but nobody is suggesting that the teens were exaggerating, are they? I’m certainly prepared to accept that the woman said exactly what the OP’s daughter claims she said. She was probably panicking and really upset.

And it may not be illegal for teens to drink in private houses, but there’s a huge difference between a glass of wine with dinner and letting teens help themselves at a party. Teens aren’t known for their abilities to self regulate and if you’re going to provide them with alcohol and give them the opportunity to be idiots, then you need to be keeping a close enough eye on them that they don’t get the chance to be such an idiot they’re endangering their health. Or sneaking off. They’re 15. There’ll be the odd sensible one but as a rule, 15 year olds are dickheads. You know that they’re going to be doing stupid things as soon as they think nobody is watching them. I think it’s a little bit strange that the OP isn’t more concerned with the hosting parents decision to provide 15 year olds with alcohol and then take their eye off the ball than she is about another parent losing her rag with said teens for doing something stupid. Especially when it seems to be common knowledge that one of those teens takes every opportunity to over indulge.

The OP’s daughter isn’t some innocent little lamb in this story. The OP says the girl has ‘form for getting obliterated’. So the DD has noticed that the ‘cool group’ has snuck off, she’s gone and found them (so they can’t have snuck off too far) smoking weed. Did she walk away? No she bloody didn’t! She stayed with them until the girl started being ill. Again, I think it’s strange that the OP seems more concerned with a bit of swearing than she is with talking to her DD about peer pressure and walking away when she sees people doing stupid things.

I’m all for knocking on the woman’s door and telling her that the OP’s daughter isn’t responsible for the welfare of her daughter and that her reaction, although understandable, warrants an apology. But speaking to the school is completely inappropriate. And a bit of a shitty thing to do.