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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

203 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
Stillamum3 · 03/08/2023 01:53

Never said it before, but LTB. He's selfish and doesn't care about you.

MicrowaveRice · 03/08/2023 01:56

BIN!!! He's a twat.

mrswaldron · 03/08/2023 01:56

Please get rid of him while he's still just a boyfriend. Anyone who thinks it's ok to behave in this way while you're feeling on top form, never mind when you're feeling unwell, does not deserve for you to give him the time of day. As for making comments to others about your sex life, how disrespectful. You don't owe him anything and you shouldn't feel like you have to have sex just to keep him happy. He sounds like a complete dickhead, get rid of him and find someone who is worthy of your attention. You might find your mental health improved once you get away from him! Good luck x

spilltheteapot · 03/08/2023 01:58

this is an abusive relationship: he’s trying to guilt and coerce you into sex. Vile.

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:58

I do feel really really crap I feel like I’m less of a woman because I can’t fulfill his needs but I am really struggling at the moment especially with my mental health I’m in the process of getting a medication change I’ve been so so depressed and he doesn’t even care. He’s more bothered about the sex, I do really want to go but I don’t even know where I would begin I have next to no one I depend on him for everything x

OP posts:
Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:00

Good luck to him with getting all the sex he thinks he is entitled to.

He doesn't give a single shit about you, sorry! You need to move on x

AndTheSurveySays · 03/08/2023 02:00

I bet if you left his pathetic arse you'd find yourself not needing medication.

Is staying with such a man what you really want from life? Imagine the next 50 years with such a guy..

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:01

He really doesn’t I’m the one sleeping on a sofa tonight whilst he is upstairs in bed sleeping sound asleep. Every time I do try to leave him he’ll come round to my house and harass me or cry suicide. I really do feel stuck at the moment.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 03/08/2023 02:01

He's a prick and his behaviour isn't going to get any better. Get out while you can.

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:02

Sod him, he won't commit suicide and if he did, that's on him!

You need to get rid of this shithog.

I wish I could knee him in the balls on your behalf!!

AndTheSurveySays · 03/08/2023 02:03

I depend on him for everything

You're an adult. You move out, claim benefits you're entitled to and / or get a job to pay your way.

You have agency and can improve your situation if you actually want to. Call the police if he threatens suicide or any other nonsense.

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:04

Reach out to someone IRL, anyone, a parent, a sibling, a friend. Please, please, get yourself out of this abusive relationship x

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:07

I feel so ashamed the amount of things that I’ve put up with he cheated on me twice and I did actually leave him. I ended up back at my mums house and I blocked him on everything I was doing so well but he kept turning up to my mums house refusing to leave threatening to kick my mums door in if I did come out and talk to him. Thats just when I ended up going back to him because it’s just a lot more peaceful for everyone if I do

OP posts:
CrazyArmadilloLady · 03/08/2023 02:07

I have voted YANBU, but I do think you’re being very unreasonable to keep this man in your life.

Crying suicide? Please. That’s the most pathetically manipulative trick in the book.

I would be so worried for you if you were my daughter.

Please leave him. As a PP said, I’m sure your mental health will vastly improve once he’s out of your life.

You deserve much better Flowers

mrswaldron · 03/08/2023 02:07

What's your living situation? You say that he comes around to your house? Do you have your own place? Don't feel bad about yourself as you are not the problem here. He is a pathetic excuse of a man and you would be so much better off without him. Do you have any friends or family you could confide in?

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:09

He is a vile POS - having just re-read your OP. Why would you want this fucking bastard in your life?!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 03/08/2023 02:09

It's not your fault he isn't attractive. It's not your fault he doesn't turn you on the way he used to. Let him go, get well, then look for somebody who will care for you the way you deserve.

mrswaldron · 03/08/2023 02:09

Just seen your latest update. Go to your mum's, block him on everything and ring the police the minute he turns up causing trouble. He sounds worse and worse!

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:09

I’m currently looking for employment I was working in a bar but he didn’t like me coming back in the late hours it would be an argument when I’d get back at 3am untill 6 am he would go on and on and on accusing me of everything to the point I would just be so tired. I ended up quitting that job & I’ve been looking since. I left him in charge of my birth certificate and his birth certificate for sending our passports for recorded delievery. My documents were all lost but they have received him so at the moment I have no birth certificate so I’m just waiting to get some money in my bank so I can buy my self a new one and get my self a job and hopefully get my own place from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:10

I have my own place where he stays but he refuses to leave when I ask and when we have broken up previously he has climbed into my windows and harassed me so if I was to break up I would need to move but at the moment I can’t afford anywhere as I am out of work.

OP posts:
Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:11

Go back to your mum's and call the police every single time he turns up!

fullbloom87 · 03/08/2023 02:12

You say you used to have a healthy sex life because you had it multiple times a day??
How did you manage that with work? Maybe twice a day morning and night but honestly..multiple times a day? I don't think that's healthy that's a sex addiction.
Ii can't believe you even put out for this absolute loser 3-4 times a week.
He's abusive and vile and you can do better OP, Bin him.

GarlicGrace · 03/08/2023 02:13

I was actually horrified reading your OP, @Poppy23xx. I am not easily horrified.

It's no surprise to hear he's more or less trapped you. He's a full-scale abuser and you need space to heal. It's good that you at least have your mum on your side, please lean on her.

When he comes round making a fuss outside her door, call the police. Every time. All of what he's doing is wrong, some of it illegal.

Get your future started! Flowers

YoureALizardHarry11 · 03/08/2023 02:13

3-4 times a week is very healthy! What the fuck is wrong with that twat? Dump his desperate abusive arse! How unattractive 🤮 You don’t exist to service him.

Kitkatcatflap · 03/08/2023 02:13

He won't change, it won't get any better. Can you imagine your life in the future .... humiliating you in front of friends, harassing you and threatening you when you are ill will be the tip of the iceberg, it will only get worse if you have accept this behaviour now. Please leave, he won't commit suicide. Can your family help.