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AIBU?

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Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

203 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
Daphnis156 · 03/08/2023 10:20

I'm afraid this all sounds like an inadequate man abusing you, and I am very sorry this is happening.
Please think about getting out, before you are assaulted or even raped.

ThereIbledit · 03/08/2023 10:23

Women's aid
Call the police on 101 and ask to speak to their domestic violence unit for help. Explain that you've tried to leave him several times and he keeps harassing you, climbing in windows, threatening to kick doors down, threatening suicide if you don't get back with him etc. Ask for their advice and help to get rid of him.

StarlightLady · 03/08/2023 10:25

Sadly, this will get worse. And the more he behaves like this the less you will want sex.

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 10:27

He's absolutely vile and you need to leave him.

He's abusive, ffs.

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 10:28

Also, I strongly suspect that you're on 150mg Sertraline daily as a direct result of his awful treatment of you. He's affecting your mental and physical health.

rebeccachoc · 03/08/2023 10:34

You are in drug withdrawal, I stopped Sertraline cold turkey and only realised years later that the ear infection I had was in fact withdrawal. Please go to your usual pharmacy and they'll give you some pills to tide you over.

And LTB he's not only being an idiot about ex, he's gaslighting you saying you are lying about when you last had sex and making you doubt yourself. You'll never be happy being second guessed every time you say anything. You deserve better.

6WeekCountdown · 03/08/2023 10:35

Tell him to get in the bin and buy himself a flashlight (sex toy). He seems to think you are a sex toy there to fulfil his needs, how gross and disrespectful. Having sex lots is fine if you both want it, having sex less is also fine. What isn't fine is being pressured into having sex when you don't want it. I can't see this relationship continuing, he clearly does not care for you or respect your boundaries. You really do deserve better, his behaviour is far from acceptable or normal, leave him and find someone who cares and respects you.

heartofglass23 · 03/08/2023 10:37

Horribly abusive.

A dangerous potential rapist.

carly2803 · 03/08/2023 10:55

jesus wept - dump him

freedom programme
and ffs dont get pregnant by him because thats what he will want - to trap you

go back to your mums today.

carly2803 · 03/08/2023 10:56

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:10

I have my own place where he stays but he refuses to leave when I ask and when we have broken up previously he has climbed into my windows and harassed me so if I was to break up I would need to move but at the moment I can’t afford anywhere as I am out of work.

call the police then - - every single time

you need to stand strong- this isnt love - this is abuse from him!

Luxell934 · 03/08/2023 11:19

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:07

I feel so ashamed the amount of things that I’ve put up with he cheated on me twice and I did actually leave him. I ended up back at my mums house and I blocked him on everything I was doing so well but he kept turning up to my mums house refusing to leave threatening to kick my mums door in if I did come out and talk to him. Thats just when I ended up going back to him because it’s just a lot more peaceful for everyone if I do

FFS are you serious? This is an abusive situation, leave. Just leave.

TRexTara · 03/08/2023 12:10

He is abusive. There is no doubt. He will only get worse over time and will try everything to trap you. Do not get pregnant to this selfish man. He will ruin you and your child's life. Leave then Call the police every time he harasses you, every single time.

iamenougheveryday · 03/08/2023 16:24

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 10:27

He's absolutely vile and you need to leave him.

He's abusive, ffs.

He is living in her home. It is ridiculous. I bloody hope she has come to her senses and has called the police today.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 03/08/2023 16:31

Ugh He's treating you as his personal sex slave and gets angry when you're off duty
You need to feel cared for and respected not only for a sex life but in every part of your relationship
I don't think you'd need Sertraline if you got rid of him
Life's too short to put up with this

GG1986 · 03/08/2023 16:40

Ltb! He has no respect for you.

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 17:11

Wow! This post is so full of red flags, I don't know where to start! If I was you, I'd let him leave.

On a side note, I know Sertraline can affect sex drive. Might be something to talk to your GP about. But on your terms, of course!

guineacup · 03/08/2023 18:17

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 17:11

Wow! This post is so full of red flags, I don't know where to start! If I was you, I'd let him leave.

On a side note, I know Sertraline can affect sex drive. Might be something to talk to your GP about. But on your terms, of course!

Really bad advice imo... the OP's sex drive is the least of her concerns at the moment. And besides, her abusive partner is far more likely to be the root cause of any issue. Why would she want her sex drive to increase just at the moment?

Her priority needs to be to manage and cope with ending her relationship, not becoming horny and risk giving in to temptation from her abusive partner!

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 19:40

guineacup · 03/08/2023 18:17

Really bad advice imo... the OP's sex drive is the least of her concerns at the moment. And besides, her abusive partner is far more likely to be the root cause of any issue. Why would she want her sex drive to increase just at the moment?

Her priority needs to be to manage and cope with ending her relationship, not becoming horny and risk giving in to temptation from her abusive partner!

Show quote history

I wasn't remotely thinking about that - but good on you for getting it off your chest!
I think I made it clear what I thought about the boyfriend situation.

I was merely highlighting, as a separate issue, that loss of libido IS a known side-effect of antidepressants like Sertraline, which the OP may not be aware of.

fullbloom87 · 03/08/2023 20:05

@Jumpingthruhoops

Citilopram did that to me but sertraline made my libido go through the roof. Everyone's different though.

Dream246 · 20/11/2023 13:44

With respect, you're actually in the perfect position to finish it. When he goes out, have the locks changed and remove all of his things. If he tries to kick the door down call the police Immediately. Its your place so kick him out! he's manipulated you our of a job, into thinking that sex 3 -4 times a week isn't much and generally into not standing up for yourself and telling him to f**k off! Clearly he's emotionally abused you and also, sex shouldn't be something you're doing to keep him happy! It's a 2 way street and should be enjoyed by both, not a chore so as not to cause a row! With the most respect, you need to grow pair and tell him where to go otherwise you,'ll end up stuck with him further down the line

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2023 14:31

Dream246 · 20/11/2023 13:44

With respect, you're actually in the perfect position to finish it. When he goes out, have the locks changed and remove all of his things. If he tries to kick the door down call the police Immediately. Its your place so kick him out! he's manipulated you our of a job, into thinking that sex 3 -4 times a week isn't much and generally into not standing up for yourself and telling him to f**k off! Clearly he's emotionally abused you and also, sex shouldn't be something you're doing to keep him happy! It's a 2 way street and should be enjoyed by both, not a chore so as not to cause a row! With the most respect, you need to grow pair and tell him where to go otherwise you,'ll end up stuck with him further down the line

The OP hasn't posted since the beginning of August, so we can only keep our fingers crossed that she's found the strength to leave. Somehow I doubt it though Sad

SwordToFlamethrower · 20/11/2023 15:31

His needs don't trump yours! You are not his cum bucket, you do not exist to satisfy his needs.

What a horrible man!

Bin him off before it escalates and he takes what he thinks he is entitled to.

Never ever marry this man, he will think marriage = Consent.

welcometothnuthouse · 20/11/2023 15:38

I'd smack his lights out of you were my dd and fuck the outcome, don't care that anyway. He's a total arsehole, you've got your own place you don't need this rapey twat.

welcometothnuthouse · 20/11/2023 15:39

Bloody zombie thread!

LBFseBrom · 20/11/2023 15:47

He sounds dreadful, op.

Contact Womens' Aid and tell them everything you have told us here, see what suggestions they can make and what support they offer. You know you must end this appalling, abusive relationship.

The fact that you have been prescribed Sertraline is very telling.

You will leave this man and things will get better but you must reach out to someone/an organisation for help right now.

I send you every good wish for the future.