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AIBU?

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Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

203 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/08/2023 02:13

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:01

He really doesn’t I’m the one sleeping on a sofa tonight whilst he is upstairs in bed sleeping sound asleep. Every time I do try to leave him he’ll come round to my house and harass me or cry suicide. I really do feel stuck at the moment.

he’ll come round to my house

So you don't actually live together? Sweetie, pack your bag and leave this little piss-ant. You don't need his shit, especially when you're feeling down and are vulnerable. And as far as his showing up at your house, if he harasses you or cries suicide, call the police. And remember that you are not his keeper and the decisions he makes are HIS and nothing to do with you.

I feel like I’m less of a woman because I can’t fulfill his needs

You aren't 'less of woman' because he's not much of a man. And his 'a man has needs' is as old as the hills. I heard that shit 50 years ago as a young teen. My mother (God rest her) heard the same line in the 1940s. I expect that Eve heard it from Adam. Have you ever heard any reports of men's balls exploding due to lack of sex? Nah, me neither.

Leave. Just leave. You are worth so much more than he is capable of giving you.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/08/2023 02:13

You are in an abusive relationship. His behaviour is abusive. You need to leave ASAP.

Contact womens aid for help. You are being abused. You need to leave.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 03/08/2023 02:18

Are you sure your birth certificate is ' lost'.? Anyway, if you go on the government.uk website you can get a replacement fur £11 plus £4 for recorded delivery.

JennyJenny8675309 · 03/08/2023 02:25

It would be your good fortune to never entertain his dick again.

Catpuss66 · 03/08/2023 02:27

You have got to want a different life. Ring women’s aid they will support you. Men will treat you badly only if you let them.

ilovesooty · 03/08/2023 02:28

Go to your mother's.

Call the police if he harasses you.

And do the Freedom Programme to learn that you don't have to put up with this abuse.

He won't kill himself and even if he does it's not your responsibility.

Addicted2Kale · 03/08/2023 02:31

Go to the bathroom. Lock yourself in. Tell him you're leaving (and mean it). Second he raises his voice, call 999 and have them listen in to his abusive ranting. Tell them you want him to leave, but he's refusing and you're in fear of your life. Let the police do the rest and you leave him. Permanently.

ClaraBourne · 03/08/2023 02:34

Are you on the sofa in your home while he is in the bed?

Ladyj84 · 03/08/2023 02:38

Wow what a nice partner to have while you feel down and unwell. Let him go he doesn't love you. I got very bad depression after twins my hubby didn't get it for about a year and never once mentioned sex either. He was more than happy to cuddle and take care of me while I was so unwell. You should not have let your Sertraline run out that also will send you on a downer, I did it once many years ago and now always make sure my prescription is ready before the last lot run out.

GrumpyPanda · 03/08/2023 02:48

Get him a rubber doll for his "needs", and call police to help you make him leave. Poor you.

SirSmellyJohn · 03/08/2023 03:06

I knew a lady married to a man like this. He was abusive generally not just around sex and this lady is terrified of him as were his children. He would belittle her and tell her she was sinning as a wife by not fulfilling her religious duties to him. He threatened to leave her often. Would get very nasty if she did anything he disapproved of. And was not only occasionally violent to her but to the children also. They, the children are adults now and both have a lot of issues mental health wise.

I'm not sure if she was ever raped by him. But certainly felt she had to give in to him. Even when it was painful for her.

Twinsmummy1812 · 03/08/2023 03:09

Leave and send him a message by text or email saying it is finished and he is not to contact you by any means (that includes through a third party, FB, turning up at your house etc). If he persists in contacting you keep any evidence (photograph him outside, keep texts etc) then call the police. It only takes 2 incidents of turning up or emailing, to be prosecuted for harassment but you are not to worry about that, the police will go and speak to him first and if he does it again he is in trouble and it’s all his own doing. Good luck x

Dombasle · 03/08/2023 03:21

He's absolutely horrible.

You deserve so much better than this awful loser.

DGay · 03/08/2023 03:27

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:01

He really doesn’t I’m the one sleeping on a sofa tonight whilst he is upstairs in bed sleeping sound asleep. Every time I do try to leave him he’ll come round to my house and harass me or cry suicide. I really do feel stuck at the moment.

If he does harass you, call the police. If he crys suicide, tell him to go for it. You're mental health with probably improve with this a$$hole out of your life.

tt9 · 03/08/2023 03:31

this is not going to be easy, you already know that

but you have to leave

  1. suddenly stopping sertraline is beyond dangerous! ask your gp to give you an emergency prescription
  2. your depression won't get better until you leave
  3. if its your house and he doesn't when you tell him to... call the police.
  4. there is a lot of help out there.
  5. your depressed brain will tell you that you are stuck here forever. that you have no options and no one will help you. not true
  6. if he threatens suicide and tries to get you to come back... the answer is still no. he is not going to kill himself, he's just a narcissist who will do anything to keep you under thumb
leave. please
hattie43 · 03/08/2023 03:33

He sounds vile

JANEY205 · 03/08/2023 03:34

He’s abusing you OP. 3-4 times a week is more than any couples I know who are out of the first honeymoon period.

Topseyt123 · 03/08/2023 03:45

Dump the horrendous arsehole.

ChellyT · 03/08/2023 04:03

I'm sorry you're not coping and are unwell at the moment @Poppy23xx and it sounds like you need support or at least time to yourself to recover.

Your partner sounds very narcissistic and his needs/wants will always out way yours. His pain will always be more than yours 🌸I'm sorry

Guavafish1 · 03/08/2023 04:03

You are in an abusive relationship. please call women's aid for help.

This man sounds like a monster.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2023 04:29

I think you know this isn’t right and you need to leave. Can you speak to womens aid to seek support to do that?

It isn’t best for everyone if you stay with him. It’s not best for you at all. You might find the freedom programme helpful too.
It is ok to call the police if he threatens you. It’s what I would do.

montecarlo7 · 03/08/2023 04:31

This is an abusive relationship. The harassing you for sex when you're unwell is just awful. As is threatening suicide when you try to leave.

Isthisit22 · 03/08/2023 04:33

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:10

I have my own place where he stays but he refuses to leave when I ask and when we have broken up previously he has climbed into my windows and harassed me so if I was to break up I would need to move but at the moment I can’t afford anywhere as I am out of work.

But you don’t need to buy a new house to leave a relationship. Just call the police every time he turns up.
seriously you do not need to be someone’s sexual prisoner!

BlastedIce · 03/08/2023 05:10

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:01

He really doesn’t I’m the one sleeping on a sofa tonight whilst he is upstairs in bed sleeping sound asleep. Every time I do try to leave him he’ll come round to my house and harass me or cry suicide. I really do feel stuck at the moment.

Emotional blackmail.

he’s a cunt, leave him!

guineacup · 03/08/2023 05:26

You have one life. Please don't waste another minute of it on this manipulative piece of shit.