My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

[Poppy23xx]

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

What does your mum think, OP? I assume she's desperate for you to leave this vile, abusive man?

This is actually chilling to read.
please get help and get yourself away from this vile man

a man has needs!! - that old chestnut!

I think this guy needs to become your ex.

Be glad he's showing you who he is now before you're legally tied to him.

LTB

you deserve better

This is absolutely not you!!!

What a moron. This has angered me so much. Wrong on all levels. You are not his toy. You need someone who understands and looks after you when you feel rubbish not someone that makes it all about him.

Pack his bags for him. Seriously.

I really hope you end it. It would be tragic if this was your life for any longer.

I love that! Yes, he was a parasite who fed off me and made me feel so worthless. He made sure I knew I was fat (size 10/12), and I had no personality. None of his friends liked me, and if he really loved me , he would have married me by now 🙄. When I left, he suddenly did want to get married and sent flowers to my workplace, etc 🙄. Please leave OP. When I left, we had to sort out the house as we had a joint account and mortgage, but once it was sorted, I felt so free and liberated. It was the best thing I ever did. I have a wonderful dh now, and the best dc. I have the family I always wanted. I would never have had this with the ex.

Agree.
He is a horrible person OP. Much better to be single than with someone like this !

I wish all these abusive men who cry suicide really did kill themselves then there would be less abusive men in the world.

Call the police if he comes round trying to get in. He’s an abusive loser.

One word. Leave.

OP, this is not acceptable behaviour in a partner of either sex.

Everybody's sex drive waxes and wanes dependent of energy levels, life demands etc. That's perfectly normal. It's Ok to not want sex on any given day. You don't need to justify to yourself or anyone else. You are not being a bad partner.

He, however, is being a coercive bully. He doesn't have the automatic right to sex. All this bullshit about 'men have needs' is aggressive macho bollocks. It's not normal or OK for someone to speak to you like that. He is showing no respect for your boundaries or your wellbeing.

Honestly, there's a lot wrong here and if he can't be made to see it, then walk away.

He is literally treating you like a living and breathing fleshlight - something for his convenience and pleasure.

You deserve better and shouldn't put up with it... he certainly won't be helping you feel better (mentally or physically).

A solid LTB from me

Adding to the chorus of LTBs!

Of course you don't want sex with him, he's a slimy leech.

When you get shot of him, show him you mean it and call police if he turns up and tries to get in etc. If he threatens suicide, say you'll call police to sort it.

None of this is your responsibility, it's his shit.

OP this is abuse and coercive control. It may seem too difficult to leave but trust me, in the future you will thank your lucky stars you did. Especially before children are involved. If he harasses you or breaks into your property, you must call police.
He has already cheated on you twice (that you know of), disrespects you and your boundaries and uses threats to manipulate and control you. I can assure you this behaviour will only escalate. You must gather all your strength to leave him. Stop making excuses and seek help from any source.

Not read the whole thread but you need to leave this relationship asap. Others have probably already mentioned thus but the Freedom programme would be a good place to start. Don’t start another relationship until you have developed a better sense of yourself and put stronger boundaries in place. Good luck with it.

I haven't read all the responses and apologise if this has been said before, but your relationship, if you allow it to continue, will eventually involve the police. Your partner's behaviour - turning up unannounced at your mother's house in search of you when you've blocked him, his total lack of respect for you, etc - has all the hallmarks of a violent man seeking to control you...and he could succeed because you do sound compliant and unsure of yourself.

You need to get away from him now - and if that involves giving up your flat and moving back in with your mum so be it.

He's trouble with a capital T and now matter how you try to rationalise it, you're effectively his sex toy. Run!

Leave leave leave. This is coercive control. I lost a decade of my life to a man just like this. The police can help you if it’s your house. So can woman’s aid. And your mum. You must get rid of him - your mental health will improve tenfold I promise you!

Also I’m on sertraline 100mg and it’s very dangerous to stop it suddenly, please don’t do that 😞

What about your needs op?

BIN THE TWAT

No wonder you're on sertraline. You are being abused. Get help from Women's Aid or any of the support organisations for women - the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is brilliant with coercion and control, the abuse doesn't have to be physical. You sound very young, you have a chance to re-start your life and get away from this bastard:

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

You are being hugely abused.

He also likely destroyed your papers.

This is all a crime.

Please go to your mothers and involve the police.

He is a very bad man.

Your life will never improve while you allow him to control, threaten and abuse you.

Please contact the police and tell them everything, including the threats.

You can do this.

Hi OP,
You need some support. Contact a domestic abuse agency. They will help you.
I would suggest that you ask your mum to order you a new birth certificate to her home, ASAP. You will need this. You do not need to leave your home, you need him out, and there are measures that will help you. The DA agency will help you get him out. The courts will provide you with a non-molestation order which will prevent him harassing you. While you are out of work, you should qualify for Legal Aid.

There is a lot to think about, but if you get support from an agency, they will walk you through it, step by step, without pressure.

Please tell your mum everything that has been happening and please, please call Women's Aid. I'm not surprised you're depressed if you've got this abusive dickhead in your life. Get rid of him, you deserve so much better.

Call womens aid, tell them what you have us and get help getting away from this scum bag

And that's when you call the police should you leave again.
Basically he wants to rape you.