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AIBU?

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Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

203 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
MotherOfUnicorns4 · 03/08/2023 08:25

Leave him. My ex threatened suicide. Messaged me to say he was doing it then turned his phone off. Rang police they went round and as they were trying to break the door down he opened it. It's all mouth. His life is not your responsibility. You deserve so much more than this crap.

Craftycorvid · 03/08/2023 08:26

Speak to your local domestic abuse service - his breaking in, his verbal insults, his sexual demands and refusing to let you rest - it’s abuse. He’s not a man, he’s immature and narcissistic and he will escalate this behaviour. You don’t have a future with someone like this, certainly not a happy one.

Tinkerbyebye · 03/08/2023 08:26

Leave. When he comes round crying suicide tell him to go to the go for help and shut the door

what he is doing is abuse. He is putting himself first all the time, he does not care about you

Thelonelygiraffe · 03/08/2023 08:27

Dump him.

Hellofromtheotherslide · 03/08/2023 08:30

A man has needs! Twat. Does he not know that women have needs too? A ridiculous argument. He is not a good person and would go as far as saying he is abusive in his behaviour towards you. Please leave him.

EggOverEasy · 03/08/2023 08:30

There's nothing you've done to deserve his abuse. It's not your fault.

Please contact Women's Aid for support. You can also take to a pharmacist, GP, police officer or your local council/housing association for help.

When you are safe please consider completing the Freedom Programme: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

The Freedom Programme. For women who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Spreadbed · 03/08/2023 08:33

OP he doesn’t have ‘needs’, they are desires. He isn’t going to keel over if he doesn’t have sex.

Also, he sounds completely horrible. Find someone who appreciates you, this is not normal behaviour at all.

bravefox · 03/08/2023 08:35

told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants

well there's your problem solved! Jesus what an arsehole. You deserve so much better

Dery · 03/08/2023 08:37

@Poppy23xx - he sounds suffocating. He’s a sex pest and stifling you. You’re in an abusive relationship. I think it’s very likely that your mental health will improve when you’re no longer with him.

No adult should ever depend fully on another adult. You can rebuild your life without him in it. Start to do so now. Move back in with your mum, claim benefits, get a job which suits you. Do what you need to do because life with this man will destroy you.

If he threatens suicide (and by the way, that’s what abusers do), ring the police to carry out a welfare check. If he comes and bangs on the door to be let in, call the police. His behaviour is criminal behaviour and you need to be free of him.

Batalax · 03/08/2023 08:41

You are in such an abusive relationship. You are not a lesser woman if you don’t want sex. In fact completely the opposite and you should leave him. Contact Women’s Aid. They are used to this.

Miranaboll · 03/08/2023 08:43

Rip the bandaid off love, life will improve dramatically.

ValerieGoldberg · 03/08/2023 08:49

Jesus OP every post gets worse. He is an abuser. Please contact women’s aid for support so they can help you make plans. Sadly you might need to end up involving the police. Everything you have said is classic abuser behaviour. He is dangerous. Please seek support today! X

DaaamnYoullDo · 03/08/2023 08:50

You need to leave him and every time he turns up at your or your mums house or calls you then you ring the police.

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/08/2023 08:58

You realise this is an abusive relationship, right?

Coercing a woman into sex is a recognised criminal behaviour.

You have been gaslighted into thinking this is normal behaviour. It is not.

Please get away from this awful, abusive man as quickly as you can and if he tries to break into your house again call the police immediately.

Tiredmum100 · 03/08/2023 09:00

He sounds like my ex. We never had sex apparently and I was also very boring. He would lie next to me wanking loudly to ensure I was of aware of his annoyance that his needs were not being met. I look back and wonder why I put up with that shit for 6 years. He was a twat. An absolute fucking twat. And I have never regretted walking away, not for one single second. You deserve more.

Halfemptyhalfling · 03/08/2023 09:02

Tell him you can't make him happy and he shouldn't be wasting his life with you and he needs to find someone else.
Next time he leaves the house lock all the doors and windows. It's not too hot at the moment . Get locks changed asap. Ask police and local domestic violence for help
Leave all his belongings outside the house in a bin bag.

Outnumbered99 · 03/08/2023 09:07

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:07

I feel so ashamed the amount of things that I’ve put up with he cheated on me twice and I did actually leave him. I ended up back at my mums house and I blocked him on everything I was doing so well but he kept turning up to my mums house refusing to leave threatening to kick my mums door in if I did come out and talk to him. Thats just when I ended up going back to him because it’s just a lot more peaceful for everyone if I do

Honestly OP you have nothing to be ashamed about but please go back to your mums, involve every agency you can, the police, take time, work on yourself.
You are in an abusive relationship and you need to know that your job as a woman is not to fulfill the "needs" of a man, any man, but especially not this heinous one.
One day there will be someone out there for you who will help you realise exactly what a manipulative disk you have been putting up with for too long.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 03/08/2023 09:09

He’s about as unappealing sexually as it gets. LTB. Seriously. He’s very immature and selfish.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 03/08/2023 09:10

^and manipulative.

Scarfweather · 03/08/2023 09:13

Good advice on here OP. I just want to add that what you have with this person is not ‘love’. Without knowing more about you, it sounds like he’s purposefully trying to crush your self-esteem so you are completely dependent on him. With kindness, you need to raise your standards about what relationships are and stop accepting that this is the best you can get.
He’s abusive and you’ll never build a good life with him.
Move back home and don’t fall for his tactics. As others have said, call the police if he harassed you. He’s a bully trying to get his victim back.
Be strong, OP. Being alone for a while until you meet someone better is much healthier than being with this loser.

Tryingmuchharder · 03/08/2023 09:14

Your relationship with another is not about 'fulfilling his needs' but love and equality, trust and respect.

This man treats you like an object there to please him, there to do with as he pleases. He is abusive in many ways. You need to leave him. Get help to leave him, then block him and never, ever have contact with him again.

You probably won't because your self esteem seems to be around pleasing him. You need help to love yourself and leave him.

Tryingmuchharder · 03/08/2023 09:16

Tiredmum100 · 03/08/2023 09:00

He sounds like my ex. We never had sex apparently and I was also very boring. He would lie next to me wanking loudly to ensure I was of aware of his annoyance that his needs were not being met. I look back and wonder why I put up with that shit for 6 years. He was a twat. An absolute fucking twat. And I have never regretted walking away, not for one single second. You deserve more.

@Poppy23xx Read this from a person that has been through what you are going through and come out the other side. Do what she did. Love yourself. He doesn't love you at all, he is using you and will continue to do so for as long as you allow him. He is a parasite and feeds on you and your self esteem, already crushed by him, needs to recover.

NewDogOwner · 03/08/2023 09:19

He doesn't love you. He has proven that. You need love, support and care just now and he has proven that he does not care and will not be there for you. He sees you as a service robot to fulfil his needs.

Please get your strength together and leave. You may find that your mental health improves.

ejbaxa · 03/08/2023 09:19

He is abusing you in many ways and I’d suggest that he is the direct cause of your depression.

TattyOne · 03/08/2023 09:20

This self-obsessed moronic sex-crazed weirdo is basically trying to rape you because he hasn't got the intelligence to keep his only brain in his trousers.

DUMP THE SCUMBAG NOW.

Kick him out, change the locks, block him in any way you can.

He's a predator, a danger to women.