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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel snubbed, family left when toddler went to bed

178 replies

itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:21

Family coming round for dinner, pre planned event suggested by them on a weekend night (saturday just gone)

Dh is currently away with work for 3 weeks so I was glad of the company and looking forward to it, I prepped and cooked a meal I knew everyone liked and bought decent wine.

Everyone arrived about 5, meal was great, lovely atmosphere and complimented on the food.
The plan had been to have a few drinks after and chat and catch up. dd (2) goes to bed at 7. My mum confirmed during the meal that Dd would go to bed at 7, she was doing great and On top form but loves her routine and is a great sleeper so I said yep then we can all sit down with the rest of the wine and some chocolates and enjoy grown up time.

Suddenly lots of talk about getting off and how there was 'no point' staying after Dd was in bed Blush

To add insult to injury they 'helpfully' offered to take the wine and chocolates wtih them so I wasn't overloaded.

They left 6:45. dd went to bed 7 like a dream as always and I spent the night alone and a bit gutted, feel like I'm good enough to serve food and nice wine but no one was interested in my company.

I KNOW I'm being U to still be salty days later but I'm juggling all the childcare and a full time job and Saturday night was supposed to be my one bit of social time Blush

AIBU to be a bit grumpy

OP posts:
forgivingfiggy · 02/08/2023 20:25

No, YANBU. But it these situations it sometimes only takes one person to influencing others to take their lead. I'd maybe say to your mum that you are lonely, you'd envisaged a different evening and that you are disappointed.

MontyDontysLinenTrousers · 02/08/2023 20:26

I’d take a child being put to bed as a bit of a cue to leave.

Like being offered a second cup of tea.

Nothingbuttheglory · 02/08/2023 20:26

I don't blame them for leaving at bedtime (my dc are far too excited to sleep with visitors in the v house) but taking the wine and chocolate was a duck move.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/08/2023 20:26

Sounds like they were using you for a free meal…

Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:26

MontyDontysLinenTrousers · 02/08/2023 20:26

I’d take a child being put to bed as a bit of a cue to leave.

Like being offered a second cup of tea.

See I would understand that if we hadn't explicitly arranged in advance to be having a drink after she went to bed and for me to reiterate that on the night!

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 02/08/2023 20:27

*dick move

Leeds2 · 02/08/2023 20:27

That would've annoyed me too. I hope you didn't let them have the wine and chocolates!

Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:27

forgivingfiggy · 02/08/2023 20:25

No, YANBU. But it these situations it sometimes only takes one person to influencing others to take their lead. I'd maybe say to your mum that you are lonely, you'd envisaged a different evening and that you are disappointed.

Thank you I think that's it, just a bit disappointed, too busy to be lonely during the week but might try and sort something for this Saturday Grin maybe 2nd times the charm

OP posts:
Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:28

Leeds2 · 02/08/2023 20:27

That would've annoyed me too. I hope you didn't let them have the wine and chocolates!

I did! I'm not normally such a sap but I was a bit nonplussed lol

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/08/2023 20:28

To add insult to injury they 'helpfully' offered to take the wine and chocolates wtih them so I wasn't overloaded.

I hope your response was, "like fuck you will".

CherryMaDeara · 02/08/2023 20:28

did you let them take the wine and chocs? 😳

I wouldn’t invite them again if they don’t host you.

Cyllie33 · 02/08/2023 20:28

How many people came round? Did you say ‘oh I was hoping you could stay a bit longer?’

im sorry OP it sounds really disappointing - I’d definitely let your mum know you were a bit disappointed.

Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:29

Cyllie33 · 02/08/2023 20:28

How many people came round? Did you say ‘oh I was hoping you could stay a bit longer?’

im sorry OP it sounds really disappointing - I’d definitely let your mum know you were a bit disappointed.

I did not which is definitely on me lol I was really surprised about the sudden change in plans and it's not like them at all

OP posts:
CheekyHusky · 02/08/2023 20:29

MontyDontysLinenTrousers · 02/08/2023 20:26

I’d take a child being put to bed as a bit of a cue to leave.

Like being offered a second cup of tea.

This is what I was thinking. I too would take it as a cue to leave.

Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:30

CherryMaDeara · 02/08/2023 20:28

did you let them take the wine and chocs? 😳

I wouldn’t invite them again if they don’t host you.

They do host me and Dd plenty to be fair we're a close family so no resentment there !

OP posts:
Cyllie33 · 02/08/2023 20:30

(I say that as had a similar situation with my
mum recently, and tho we get on well it really was a case of miscommunication as she thought she was ‘leaving me in peace’ 🙄)

Isthisexpected · 02/08/2023 20:32

itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:26

See I would understand that if we hadn't explicitly arranged in advance to be having a drink after she went to bed and for me to reiterate that on the night!

Show quote history

Exactly. If not either pre-arranged or discussed on the night then I'd assume I need to leave for you to do bedtime, which takes at least an hour here. However, you'd already discussed it. Taking the wine and chocolates is so rude!

OnionBhajis · 02/08/2023 20:32

What wait... being offered a second cup is a cue to leave!?

ironorchids · 02/08/2023 20:33

Tell everybody present directly exactly how you felt. They might not realise you're upset, or might have thought it was an ambiguous situation.

If you state it clearly and directly when you see them and ask them why they did that, so that there can be no misunderstanding that you want a response, then you will know how they feel about it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/08/2023 20:33

They do host me and Dd plenty to be fair we're a close family so no resentment there !

Do you nick their chocolate and wine when they do?

Isthisexpected · 02/08/2023 20:34

OnionBhajis · 02/08/2023 20:32

What wait... being offered a second cup is a cue to leave!?

Not in my world. The cue to leave is right I better be getting on with X ... A second cup of tea is when the chat's just getting going!

Dombasle · 02/08/2023 20:35

You could have said, "You don't have to go when Child goes to sleep, it would be lovely to have some company this evening."

Original poster
itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 20:35

At least I know now to be clearer in future, maybe a directive to sit down and wait for me for 10 mins and top up everyone's drinks before I pop upstairs, honestly I'm so lucky with Dd she just brushes her teeth and climbs into bed with her (10,000) teddies I was back down by 7!

Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not totally crazy and this was a bit weird.

They are normally lovely and generous though so chalking it up to misunderstanding. There were 8
So not going to message everyone and complain I'll just be more clear next time!

OP posts:
greenthumb13 · 02/08/2023 20:38

OnionBhajis · 02/08/2023 20:32

What wait... being offered a second cup is a cue to leave!?

I have overstayed so many times then 😂

Allwelcone · 02/08/2023 20:44

greenthumb13 · 02/08/2023 20:38

I have overstayed so many times then 😂

Show quote history

God me too!!