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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove SIL from the group chat?

1000 replies

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

OP posts:
PurelyOrnamental · 02/08/2023 10:38

Honestly, I feel for the SIL! That's an insane amount of messages for no reason whatsoever.
I imagine she would be very relieved to be removed from the group.

Isthisreallyok · 02/08/2023 10:38

This sounds very intense for a family group chat though? We have one similar, and if we were sending good mornings every day I would probably be muting it as well! 🙈.

Cantstopvaping · 02/08/2023 10:38

I’m in a similar predicament at the risk of not being petty I would just ignore it, maybe she’s just not as active in WhatsApp as you are. Either way don’t let her actions affect your actions. Just carry in with your posts and let her be her. My mantra is other people actions are a reflection of them not me 🙂

Combusting · 02/08/2023 10:40

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Jesus fucking christ.

Unless a reverse, I am not even sure where to begin with this one.

starrynight19 · 02/08/2023 10:40

This would be my worst nightmare and I would mute the chat as well. To be honest she would likely be relieved to be removed from the group.

Whatifitallgoesright · 02/08/2023 10:40

I think it's a bit full-on expecting everyone to text good morning every morning to extended family members. You're asking that you all be dominant in her thoughts every day? I would not be texting if I was her. I'd find it irritating and intrusive. I expect she does mute, just let her be. If it's anything important I'm sure your brother will alert her.

SoupDragon · 02/08/2023 10:41

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

I can't believe you have the cheek to call her rude when you are this petty! 😂

no wonder she doesn't participate.

Sameold23 · 02/08/2023 10:41

I would be begging for the sweet release.

Abra1t · 02/08/2023 10:42

I’m with your sil.

PrimalOwl10 · 02/08/2023 10:42

You sound very difficult and ott.

LemonLight · 02/08/2023 10:42

Deleting her because she's not active on messenger or whatever app you're using would be a bit spiteful and petty and like you're trying to get a reaction for the sake of it. Some people just aren't active on messaging apps. Just because she's not active doesn't mean you should pick on her.

GiddyGladys · 02/08/2023 10:42

Has to be a reverse. Who the fuck wants to say good morning via WhatsApp every day?

girlfriend44 · 02/08/2023 10:42

you cant control everyone, let them find their own way, people are all different on Whats App, youll create more problems by removing her than leaving her there cant you see that. An argument will break out is that what you want?

caerdydd12 · 02/08/2023 10:43

You sound so pathetic 😂 it's a group chat, why are you taking it so seriously? I'd mute the chat too if all these pointless messages were going back and forth.

PinkyFlamingo · 02/08/2023 10:43

Your poor SIL.

latetothefisting · 02/08/2023 10:43

No you're being weird!

I would absolutely mute a group chat that had inane pointless messages every day.

Removing her because she doesn't use the chat the way you think she should would come across as really petty and start an argument for no reason - you haven't said anybody else is bothered about her not using it. Her not replying has no impact on you whatsoever.

How would you like it if she was the admin and removed you because she felt you messaged too often and she found it annoying?

deflatedbirthday · 02/08/2023 10:43

This is the problem with social media and technology today. Everyone expects and demands immediate responses!

It's really not your place to dictate how and when someone participates.

You said she responds to direct messages towards her. Maybe she feels too much pressure to keep up with the rest. It sounds exhausting.

VisitationRights · 02/08/2023 10:44

If I were the SIL in that situation I would be relieved to be out of that chat! How bloody tiresome.

PaniniHead · 02/08/2023 10:44

You have far too much time on your hands.

Theimpossiblegirl · 02/08/2023 10:44

Deleting her would be immature and spiteful. It's just a group chat.

Snowpaw · 02/08/2023 10:44

Does your husband say good morning every day as well to the entire family?

Hufflepods · 02/08/2023 10:44

You are being ridiculously hard work.

MsFogi · 02/08/2023 10:45

OP you are waaaaay over-invested in WhatsApp. It's nice to message your mother regularly/daily as she is on her own. But the rest of your post sounds bonkers - it's just a messaging app like any other (email, text etc), step away and get out in the real world! It really doesn't matter if your SIL engages and whether/when she reads the gazillion messages.

MrsSamR · 02/08/2023 10:45

OMG a good morning message every single day. I would defo be wanting out if I were her so I'm sure you'll be doing her a favour by removing her!

Russooooo · 02/08/2023 10:45

Bloody hell. I feel really sorry for her.

<adds ‘check approach to family group chat’ to list of requirements for future relationships>

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