To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

You really must have very little going on in your life OP. Honestly.

Maybe she can’t bear to read your bad grammar.

MIL added me to their family group chat once, I left it straight away.
My own family’s Whatsapp group is enough, don’t need to engage with DH’s 3rd cousin twice removed thanks.

Stop expecting her to be like you and your family.
We each have our own personalities.
Why would you cause trouble by removing her from the chat?
If she wants to leave she can...I would as it's overwhelming having daily messages, especially the good morning one...but possibly she knows you'd kick off.
Pick your battles and this isn't one!

Yeah, everyone wishing everyone good morning every day would be way too much for me. I don't think she's rude just because she doesn't do the same thing as everyone else.

Don't remove her though, it will cause an argument.

Would love the SILs take on this.

"My SIL (or DH) added me to a family chat and I didn't want to be rude and say its not my thing. I've muted the chat because it was so busy and I couldn't take the notifications pinging. I occasionally post pictures of my DC but don't get a response.

I'd love not to be involved in the chat but it would be really rude to leave and I think my MIL might find it hurtful."

Remove her if you want but be prepared to be seen as petty. It makes no difference her being on there if you leave it.

You win the award for the most irritating person on the internet today. YABVU. A group chat where it is mandated that you wish everyone good morning? WTAF? Sounds like something from the Handmaids Tale. And then when she does find time to engage, between looking after her kids and whatever else she has going on, you ignore her. Jeez...

Oh sweet Jesus you are my worst nightmare. Scarcely more than a decade ago, less than a blink of an eye in terms of human existence WhatsApp didn't even exist yet people lived, loved, cared for each other and got on with their lives. This performative crap is the very opposite of real human connection

If I was her I'd be deleting you! How suffocating!

Crikey, poor SIL, you sound so precious and demanding. Id mute that chat too!

This post makes me so glad neither family or friends are remotely interested in having a WhatsApp group

That amount of contact every day would have me deleting myself out. It's way too full on. Feel sorry for SIL.

You want her to say good morning every day?

OP I have just noticed your user name.
Pot, kettle...

🤣

All my group messages are muted.
Most of my group stuff is jokes and memes etc. If it's important they'll tag it message individually or.... heaven forbid.... phone

We all message each morning just to say good morning

I literally made it this far into your OP before I thought "fuck me, no way would I be getting into this shite"

I'll go back and read the rest but on this point alone YABU.

You sound obsessed with the chat group, she probably finds it too much. Surely it’s up to the individual how often they check on the group chat, and not up to you to dictate when everyone reads and answers? You will look childish if you delete her, but quite honestly if I was SIL I would be relieved to be released from it.

We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

I always wondered what happened to the Waltons.

You are incredibly petty. Don't you have better things to do with your time?

Oh God! You would all drive me mad (and obviously her too). Have y'all not got enough to do? Do you need a second job? How claustrophobic.

This is genius!

I'm going to adopt your approach OP and message all my nearest and dearest every morning with a cheery hello.

If they don't reply, then they're in the cull pile. if they had any affection for me they'd be messaging me each day.

Who needs friends anyway. I know my worth.

Remove yourself - it's not doing you any good.

I really feel for your SIL. That would drive me crazy. What harm is it doing you, what friction would there be if you removed her?

This has to be a joke 🤣

Do you have any other examples of your absolutely unhinged behaviour?

I'll happily befriend your poor SIL. I bet the woman suffers daily.

You sound petty. We've several group chats and nobody says good morning to each other. If you are so worried about your dm pick up the phone and say good morning.