To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Poor SiL, who could be arsed with a text round of good mornings every morning!

Does her husband say good morning to everyone? Maybe he mornings on behalf of his family!

You and your family are nuts. I’m with the sil. HTH.

Bloody hell, I bet she's actively wishing that she gets taken off the group chat!
We have a family chat group as well. Me, DH, our two adult children, both my brothers and SIL's and my niece.
We only post when there's something funny or interesting, or when it's someone's birthday/anniversary, or when my niece's little one has done something cute or funny and she posts a photo or video. One SIL rarely replies but you know what? That's up to her! I've never lost a moment's thought on it!

She is active. I click on her directly sometimes and it often says online, last seen is never more than a few hours ago so she definitely is active and is choosing to ignore

is your family the mafia

Deleting her would be hostile and aggressive.

Taking part daily and responding to every single (inane) post is surely not required of family group chats? Why should her time be beholden to your wish the message all the time? Not all of us are glued to our phones.

Your ignoring pictures of her kids is petty, childish and spiteful.

Shame you haven’t enabled voting.

Leave her be, she isn’t as engaged on the group as you are, she engages as much as she wants to. Would you really expect her to want to exchange banalities with your mum as often as you do?

We have a similar family group but thankfully none is us feel the need to say good morning and the like, if it was like that I’d probably mute it myself and I can’t imagine policing it the way you do. At a guess though, I’d say my son-in-law mostly engages to share info on a sport we all follow, I must remember to see my arse about him not asking after my health daily and wishing me a good morning and good night.

I have a few social or activity groups on mute even though I like the people on it because some people are digitally incontinent and also use it inappropriately; eg wittering on about arranging a cinema visit between only two people out of a 25 member book group. I don’t want to wade through that every time I pick up my phone.

Even if you are right about how WhatsApp family group engagement should look like and I’m wrong and have an icy, shrivelled heart, - what do you gain by booting her out? The very nature of her offence is unobtrusive. I think your ire about this must be coming from other causes and you dislike her and seek to punish her. It’s all very childish and quite spiteful.

They became the iWaltons

I am in a group like this.
It's insane.
I haven't left because I don't want to offend one older person.
I had to mute the notifications and stop reading almost all messages as they non stop
nonsense.

Thank you for the laugh!! I needed it this morning!

Poor SIL is probably busy in her own family group chat (which hopefully has a normal amount of messaging) and doesn’t need to spend her mornings messaging her husband’s very intense sister or her MIL.

Does your brother message SIL’s mother good morning every day?

Do you make your poor husband wish your mother a good morning every day too? Does he have to do the same to his own mother or is it just your family that needs so much attention?

Get a life, OP.

Yes every other member says good morning. I don't understand how saying good morning is intrusive, it takes literally seconds and is something we've done for years. It doesn't always turn into a full on conversation, sometimes there will be days in a row with no chat other than a morning greeting but it's a nice way of keeping in touch without being too intense and especially for our mum to not feel like she's not in contact with us

Do you really all text to say good morning to each other? Every day? How many of you?

Im in a family WhatsApp with my sister and 2 nieces. My sister has muted us all individually- we just laugh about it. She will often say “fuck off im busy” 😂 WhatsApp isn’t real life!!

Are you all 12? Does she have a life beyond being part of some really weird family?

I'm with SIL. She's probably muted the chat rather than leave it for you all to see and decide she's a horrible, rude, nasty person.

Grow up

This is getting worse! You sound like a stalker!

I’ll be honest and say I’m in a family group chat I have archived (my own family members, aunts/uncles/cousins/husbands) there are hundreds of msgs I haven’t seen, they all talk pointless fucking dribble, e.g “here’s my shit dinner I just made’’ - “work colleagues cousins partner is going to Spain today..lucky so and so”

it’s better for my inner rage if I just don’t see it. If there’s anything important I need to know someone messages me anyway. Weirdly important news is rare…

I WISH someone would remove me so I don’t have to look like the rude one!!

That doesn't sound stalky at all.

She has the group archived and muted, rightly so by the sounds of it. She's participating as and when she can/wants to.

If I had to say good bloody morning to every member of my family I'd be here until lunch. Let the poor woman live her life!

I feel sorry for you sil.

I don't always reply in group chats straight away so as much as it's probably nice to get daily good morning texts, it's a bit mental that you think she HAS to do it.

She also doesn't HAVE to send pictures of her kids to anyone, family or not.

You clearly don't like her but she's done nothing wrong.

You sound completely overbearing and petty, OP. Please stop and let her be.

^ This
Though it is hard for the elderly I agree. I think I’d rather someone ring for a chat or pop on for a cuppa though.

Oh my god, you and your our family’s WhatsApp chat sounds like my worst nightmare. You also come across as highly strung and those enmeshed family dynamics whirling away in the background sound really, really intense . Poor SIL.

This would absolutely be too much for me. It’s nice she’s included in the group but I’d probably contribute as much as your SIL does. You sound a little bit controlling and determined to have this What’s App group be something everyone happily dives into. Not everyone is like that. She’s not being rude, or mean, it’s just that it can be a lot to be in a group like this. Constant participation isn’t mandatory.

Christ, you sound like the Waltons. She is not being rude. Let her be.

She is active. I click on her directly sometimes and it often says online, last seen is never more than a few hours ago so she definitely is active and is choosing to ignore

She is active, not obligated