To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

If you don't like her why would she bother though? Family's just a word if you don't get along.

Yes you are unreasonable. Totally.

How full on? Have you got nothing better to worry about?

Barking mad, the lot of you.

You're batshit. This POOR woman. She's probably desperate to be deleted! 😂

For some reason, my brain decided to read your post in the voice of Father Ted.

It was perfect.

Yabu.
She doesn't owe you constant attention.
She has enough going on in her life that the family WhatsApp group isn’t a priority for her but that's no reason to exclude he totally.

Why not set up a separate WhatsApp group that is just your mum and siblings and you (no DH or SIL) and use that for the pointless inane chit-chat and daily "good morning" (we don't do that on our family chat and it wouldn't occur to us) and let the wider group that inclues spouses be a lower-traffic thread for exchanging photos, sharing significant news and making arrangements for activities. If the traffic on that thread becomes lower volune but is mostly actually relevant she will probably unmute it and interact more.

It would drive me crazy if my family messaged me good morning every single day

''She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.''

Good grief.
So I'm gathering from your post that not only do you expect your whole extended family to say good morning to each other every single morning on a group chat, you are also bombarding the group chat with ''cute'' videos and photos of your own children every day!!!
This is so OTT and unspontaneous that I don't blame your SIL for muting the group.

Oh god this is going to be one of those threads, isn’t it?
OP: this is terrible - I am absolutely in the right
literally everyone else: no, actually, you are wrong!
OP: no, I AM RIGHT!!

Just reading the OP made me feel stressed. Your SIL has a family to look after, a house to run and probably a job to do and you are demanding this level of interaction? And when she does occasionally post something, you ignore it out of spite?

Glad you are not my SIL.

You sound completely insane op

This!

OP, you seem to only be engaging with those who haven’t sided with your SIL. In fact, in so far as you’re clearly picking and choosing who you respond to and how often, some might say you’re doing what your SIL does... (That’s your prerogative, of course — just as it’s your SIL’s prerogative on your family chat.)
Perhaps the real question though is why it bothers you so much? Do you like her apart from that?

You message every morning!!

FFS OP of course she has it on mute. Maybe she has her own problems, or life, or concerns and has little else to do than wish good morning to her ILs every single day.

It sounds insufferable.

This 👆

what a fucking waste of everyone's time. Your poor SIL. No wonder she’s muted it

I think there'd be very different responses if I posted this in relationships or chat, I forgot AIBU is just a pile on

Repost it on those boards, so others can agree with us.

You don't like her, that's the problem. The chat thing (whereby you sound very unreasonable) is clearly not the issue.

You'd be doing her a massive favour by removing her. She probably never actually wanted to be in it. That's an insane amount of contact and extremely unreasonable of you to expect her to constantly engage in a group chat. Does our Mum actually care if SII says good morning or not?

leave her alone.
And FGS don't check if she reads or not. Blimey, they are not her family, she married into them. It is not beyond the bounds of possiblity that she is in a simliar huge group with her blood relations?

You are too invested. Stop it.

I bet this is a reverse.

I cant see a pile on. I can just see wvery single person having the same opinion except for you. And you can't see that.

This reminds me of the sketch in A League of Gentleman with all the cousins who wear matching jumpers and constantly tell each other they love them.

This! Brilliant.

I’m similar to your SIL. I mute my family and friends WhatsApp group sometimes. I don’t message as often as the others and the messages popping up every day about general life annoys me so I mute. I love my friends and family. I love spending time with them.

It’s lovely that you all message each other good morning but that would be a bit much for me. Actually I haven’t heard of a whole family of adults messaging every morning on a group to say good morning. Sounds a bit OTT. If you like doing it, go for it. Just don’t expect SIL to join in.

I would probably concentrate on your life and not worry about SIL not messaging.

OMG, we have the same SIL and MIL and the same way of dealing with it (ignoring it) I’m also ignored on the rare time I actually do participate.

OP, you sound unhinged and I bet your SIL is regretting the day she married into your family! Get a life, she doesn’t owe you anything.

But her husband is in the group chat too so if anything riveting happens he would tell her anyway. She’s not rude, she just has a life outside of this frankly intense family group chat.

If I was in this group what's app, without a doubt it would be on mute.