To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Mwahaha! 💀

Ooohhh, if I were her I'd reply a little late to your good mornings with,

Morning, sorry for the late reply, was washing hair, feeding baby, watching GMTV, picking lint of my jumper, having a wank, eating my first borns umbilical cord, descaling the kettle...... it would be the highlight of my day to get more and more extreme/boring as the weeks went on.

Might brighten up your life too!!!

Good morning!

It only takes “1 second” OP..!

I'd love to know if SIL adds a cheery 'Good morning lovely family!' to the WhatsApp group chat this morning.

OMG! How funny would that be!

we just need the Daily Fail to pick this up!

YABU!

You sound really hostile towards her. So what if she doesn’t reply daily? So what if she’s muted the group? Of course she has if you’re sending boring regular messages like “good morning”. Why does it bother you if she is on the group but not replying unless spoken to directly?

Removing her would be very aggressive. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with people being the group without replying to your every message, I suggest you message her privately and say “hey haven’t heard from you in the group chat for a while and I know we message a lot which might be annoying, if you prefer to leave the group or would like me to removed you, we won’t judge you lol, entirely up to you.”

But the polite thing would be to say nothing and let hernsit their quietly. If manners bother you so much, why is it so hard for you to give her that simple politeness?

Good morning everyone!!

I've never hoped for the Daily Fail to pick something up before but I really want SIL to read about this and feel vindicated.

Good Morning @whyberude . Good morning @whyberude ‘s Mum.

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. It’s the afternoon. Failed to live up to expectations.

MNHQ please remove @doingthehokeykokey frpm this thread.

She’s not playing the way I want her too!

bon après-midi mes amis 😘

@whyberude

Are you still reading? Please let us know if you’ve changed your mind now. Honestly I think if I had an opinion and I got unanimously told it was wrong I would take that onboard. It would actually be lovely if you came on here and said you’d read everyone’s comments and it made you rethink the situation. Or if you don’t agree it would be great to hear why too! Please update :-)

I would be leaving.

Poor woman!

I don't think this is rude. People have different amounts of energy to give each day and this is YOUR family, not hers so her investment is less. It's nice and courteous to keep her involved but there should be no expectation about the level of posting? I mute a lot of group chats as don't have time to keep up with messages and just check in when I can.

Honestly I think it's quite an odd thing to be upset about. Carry on the chat with your family and let your SIL participate if she wishes.

Why would you remove her from the chat if she's not doing anything wrong? I'm sure it would cause a rift in your relationship for no good reason.

Wow. You’re a barrel of laughter aren’t you?

Unless you SIL is actually rude to you or your DM in real life, you are being utterly unreasonable and unfair to her. The fact that you deliberately ignore the stuff she does share of her kids, your nieces and nephews, is just mean and petty. She’d be well rid of you.

Just awful. I wouldn’t engage with you either for fear of you judging everything I do. You can’t even message about your brothers kids you are so focused on tearing this woman down.

don’t know if you can learn to be less spiteful, it’s so hyper focused.

This is too much, I don't consider that rude at all. She may want to be removed or otherwise she may actually want to remain (and maybe she has it muted) just so she can catch up on the chat as and when. Not everyone is that into sending her watsapp messages all the time. I have a very good friend who is a prolific WhatsApp messager. I'll be honest I do leave her messages unread for a while before replying as whenever I do reply I instantly get a heap of messages back, and if I carried on replying it would continue ad infinitum and I'd never get anything done; and frankly I just don't want to send messages all day every day. I hope she doesn't consider me rude, I consider her a very dear friend, I just don't use my phone that much.

Good evening

I think the OP has left the chat....

I can’t believe this is real because a) you just sound too deranged and b) nobody who reads mumsnet could possibly think that they’d get anything other than absolutely rinsed for this post.

Anyway, yes, YABU, and some people just aren’t big on group chats or chats in general. You can easily just not pay it much attention rather than get so weirdly enraged by it.

As for the other claims, that she’s stand-offish generally, that’s a different matter. I’d warrant she’s quiet because she feels excluded, bullied, or simply weirded out by having such mental in-laws.

I've just seen this pop up on my Facebook and I knew it would.

Replies are the same.

Seriously. Grow up. The world doesn’t revolve around your group chat or your mum.

I'm not surprised your SIL doesn't reply. You sound bonkers. I'd mute it too.

But why should she be bothered about your family? She married your brother not the rest of you!