To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Think your being childish and being very OTT with the amount of messages by the sounds of it I would mute you all to! Give her a break not everyone is glued to their phone each second of the day not do they have to respond to every message

Whyberude- why are you being rude OP and no longer responding in the MN chat?

I was reading this, getting a bit hot and sweaty, thinking I was your SIL 😂 I’m confident I’m not! And I’m sort of in the opposite predicament; desperate to leave my family group chat with the in-laws because it drives me insane, makes me feel anxious and is permanently muted and I rarely communicate on it. It makes me cringe too. I’m also furious with my SIL at the moment but I don’t want to cause a bigger problem by leaving. But by staying, I’m feeling anxious! Argh. Don’t join family group chats people! Unless it’s a short term one for organising a party or something. Then get the hell out once the party’s over 😂

Eek do your SIL a favour and remove her from this insane group 😅

I am part of a few WhatsApp groups, including one for my family and one for my husbands. My husband only sends a message to my family one once in a blue moon and then it’s very specific. He is loved by them all and it would be utterly bonkers to expect someone to message good morning every day.

What a crappy extra chore to have on the days to do list so that SIL doesn’t upset you 🤦‍♀️

I’ve just read all your posts. What in Hades. You need to stop stalking your sil. Also, you’re not the boss of her. She doesn’t have to say good morning, she doesn’t have to read the chat messages, and she and her husband, your brother, would be very wise to go no contact with you as it is clear that you despise her with a deep dark hatred that spans the ages.

I really hope this is a reverse 😳

How old do we think OP is? She sounds about 15 but terrifyingly I think she may be an adult.

@whyberude where have you gone? Why are you being so rude when so many people have responded to you? 😅

Dare I say that I’ve not read the whole thread (although it seems that the OP vanished after 7 pages, and we’re still going on 40) but
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Good god, I thought my ILs were hard work and barking mad, and even they never came up with anything so ridiculous 😳😳

My own family have a group chat, and when something major happens, we all jump on there to keep each other up to date - eg my mother being in hospital, but seriously, we go months without even a “hey, how is everyone doing?” And we all love each other very much, and would be there for each other at the drop of a hat, but we don’t see the need to be messaging “good morning” every day - I can’t even begin … 😂😂😂😂😂

#teamSIL

She probably has much better things to do than say good morning every day. I’m not surprised she doesn’t join in. There are no rules to say if and when you need to respond or partake in ‘group
chats’. I personally can’t bear them and often leave or mute. I wonder why you’re so preoccupied with the poor woman. Leave her be is my advice.

Wow, this is crazy! Perhaps if she has kids, she undoubtedly has other things to prioritise in the morning, like breakfast, getting everyone sorted! Checking on whatsapp ticks seems a bit much, Maybe she just catches up when she has 5 mins to herself (which could be a rare thing if working/kids/doing housework, shopping etc) I'd too mute the messages. Some people don't live their life attached to their phone, just let it go, life's to short to worry about these petty things.

Are you from the east end? I remember a post written by someone who said that people from the east end of London are like this.

OP, your expectations sound really OTT. Why should every member of a group chat be expected to say good morning every single day? It's just wierd. We have one with me, my mum and sister. We started it during the first lockdown as did a lot of people, but you know, most of us had a lot more time on our hands then!

I find it difficult when I'm running around in the morning getting ready for work and then working all day every day to pay any attention to inane chitchat. I just don't have time for it. A "good morning" from me wouldn't add anything, would it? I do check in to our group chat for a few seconds a few times during the day to see if there's anything important I need to know but a lot of the time my mum and sister seem to have time to chat about random stuff and by the time I've been able to do anything other than glance at the thread the conversation has moved on.

i think large group whatsapps for chat's sake are a bad idea. There are too many people involved with some people having very busy lives but happy to use it to make arrangements for social stuff etc and others desperate to chat about trivial stuff all day every day. Then you get the judgemental wierdos coming forward accusing some quieter members of the group of being rude!! I think YOU'RE rude for being judgemental and expecting your SIL to find your chat about great aunty Audrey's bunions scintillating.

For goodness sake! Grow up is all that springs to mind. I would be embarrassed to post this!

I’m so glad you’re not my sister in law! I feel sorry for her having to put up with you, it sounds as if she has a life away from the internet maybe you should try that. By all means say hello to YOUR mum daily but don’t expect everyone else to do the same, does your hubby speak/text her daily?

And this is why I don't have a family group chat! Sometimes I don't have time to reply to basic questions, being expected to say good morning every day is a new level.

Sorry OP, I hate the AIBU pile ons too but you are in the wrong here. I don't want to have to message anyone every morning, let alone my whole family in law. It's way too much.

@whyberude if I was in your SiL’s position I would be wondering how to respectfully exit a group which insisted I check-in every single morning. Perhaps try and see it from her perspective? You don’t mention any insight into her thoughts or feelings, just your own. Do you have insight into her past or current situation? You label it rudeness. Could it be worry, awkwardness, fear uncertainty, loss … I wonder how she sees your behaviour?
I have never and would never join a ‘pile-on’ but it seems a lot of respondents would act like your SIL in this situation.

You’re batshit. Why should SIL care? You’re clearly all about yourself and your Mum. No one owes you a good morning on a bast4rd group chat.

What age are her kids? Maybe she’s busy with them & trying to set an example of not being on her phone all the time around them ?

This is the most fabulous, wildly insane OP I’ve seen in a long time.

I could be your sister in law OP, I can’t stand group chats and that one would drive me crackers! I don’t know how she’s stayed in it at all. Everyone messaging good morning every day?!

Just here to say I feel really bad for SIL. Your family seems really oppressive and controlling, with massively impossible to meet expectations.

As we're so close to the end Oíche Mhaith a OP 😴

Oh god, I'm firmly in SIL's camp, I cannot stand a constant barrage of meaningless messages, it's intrusive and there's so much expectation to be constantly involved and in each others pockets. I'm in loads of group chats, they're all muted apart from the family one and I dip in and out as I please. The family one isn't muted as we're all normal and don't need to know when we've all opened our eyes in the morning 🙄