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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove SIL from the group chat?

1000 replies

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 02/08/2023 10:57

I would love to hear the sil side of this

Sigmama · 02/08/2023 10:57

Why not start a new group without her

Guineapigwoes · 02/08/2023 10:57

Does your bro join in with the (slightly creepy) Walton’s family style “good mornings”

Flisss · 02/08/2023 10:57

There's not 1 poster on here who has agreed with you, can you not see that?

bookworm14 · 02/08/2023 10:58

You are weirdly over-invested in this.

baffledcoconut · 02/08/2023 10:58

Remove her. She’ll be ever so grateful.

I am this SIL (probably a different group. Oh god there is more than one crazy whatsapp obsessed family 😭) and not being in the group anymore is an absolute joy.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 02/08/2023 10:58

Just read the update saying it's been going on for years🤯 No wonder she's not fussed about it. Madness.

SamW98 · 02/08/2023 10:58

starrynight19 · 02/08/2023 10:40

This would be my worst nightmare and I would mute the chat as well. To be honest she would likely be relieved to be removed from the group.

Yep ditto. I can’t imagine anything worse than a family group chat with 100’s of ‘good morning’ messages

LemonLight · 02/08/2023 10:59

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:52

She is active. I click on her directly sometimes and it often says online, last seen is never more than a few hours ago so she definitely is active and is choosing to ignore

Show quote history

But so what if she is? You're mad because she's not interacting with you? You're acting like quite a nasty creep!

LadyOfTheCanyon · 02/08/2023 10:59

So your WhatsApp every morning looks like this?:

Good Morning!
Good Morning!
Good Morning!
Good Morning!
Good Morning!

I mean, that's enough to be going on with isn't it??

Hoppinggreen · 02/08/2023 10:59

Stop smothering the poor woman.
What is a normal level of contact in your family may not be in hers.

Lotsofthings · 02/08/2023 11:00

I think deleting would be rude, just move all the chatty chat to a new group, and keep her in the family group for announcements.

Clementin50 · 02/08/2023 11:00

you sound unhinged and stalkery.

your expectation of a good morning every day is bizarre. does she work? do you? how many kids are you juggling in the mornings?

honestly, if i had any inkling of your thinking this is rude, i'd beg to be removed.

your expectations are NOT reasonable, OP.

35965a · 02/08/2023 11:00

Your group chat sounds tedious and boring, team SIL

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 02/08/2023 11:00

If the group chat wasn't a thing, would you message each person individually good morning? I doubt it. She obviously doesn't want to talk to some/any of you so doesn't message. Leave her be.

Itsvalentino · 02/08/2023 11:00

Are you my SIL?

DP was messaged directly by his sister last week because I hadn't replied to one of her questions.

I have the group chat on mute, I am busy, my SIL is not, she sends 20 photos a day, which I don't even bother looking at.

On the odd occasion I join in, I'm pretty much ignored, SIL seems to only want the attention on her, and most of the messages are between her and MIL, why they don't just text each other is beyond me.

Anyway, if you are my SIL, yes please remove me 🙏

notforonesecond · 02/08/2023 11:01

She’s probably desperate to leave the group but worried you’ll all be cross if she does. It’s quite nice of her really to just mute it and let you get on with it.

Can’t imagine actually getting riled up by someone not wanting to constantly participate in what sounds like a pretty boring group chat.

Sounds like strange family politics. I’m on her side.

Original poster
whyberude · 02/08/2023 11:01

I think there'd be very different responses if I posted this in relationships or chat, I forgot AIBU is just a pile on.

Please get your phone and type good morning, it doesn't even take a full second. How on earth is that intrusive? If you can't spend literally less than 1 second of your day on family that is rude... I don't see how it isn't rude.

No I don't like her because she makes no effort with us and is rude. We barely see my brother these days it's like the rest of us aren't good enough for her!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/08/2023 11:01

I don't understand how saying good morning is intrusive

It's the obligation to have to do it which is intrusive.

Because look what happens if you don't!!

Also, it's a spectacular waste of time and energy.

AnkleWidget · 02/08/2023 11:01

Jesus, a round of “good mornings” every day would do my bloody head in.

villamariavintrapp · 02/08/2023 11:02

Yes you are totally unreasonable. It's absolutely fine for her not to engage in this nonsense and catch up with any actual news from you all by skimming the messages in her own time. It's nice that she sends some pics of the grandkids for your mum.

theleafandnotthetree · 02/08/2023 11:02

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:54

Yes every other member says good morning. I don't understand how saying good morning is intrusive, it takes literally seconds and is something we've done for years. It doesn't always turn into a full on conversation, sometimes there will be days in a row with no chat other than a morning greeting but it's a nice way of keeping in touch without being too intense and especially for our mum to not feel like she's not in contact with us

Show quote history

First of all, it's your mum not hers so there's that. So your SIL's obligations are far less than yours, there is no 'us' to be in contact with. And your mum sounds a bit 'poor me' - or maybe that's you putting it on her. My parents sound substantially older, are completely technologically illiterate and live a minimum of 2 hours away from any of us yet have no such expectations around contact. They are getting on with their lives, we with ours.

Daniki · 02/08/2023 11:02

Absolutely insane! I'd fire my phone in the river if I got that every day 😂

Ilovenicnacs · 02/08/2023 11:02

Lol, am I your SIL?

It's too much. Do her a favour and delete her.

ManchesterLu · 02/08/2023 11:02

All my family chats (on both mine and my DP's side) are muted, for the sake of my own sanity. That way they're not pinging when I'm trying to work, and I always sit down with a brew in the evening and catch up with all my messages in groups or from friends/family etc.

You shouldn't have to message good morning every morning, that sounds absolutely suffocating.

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