Page 8 | DH said I’m in the worst shape I’ve ever been

Amiinthewrongg · 2023-07-31T22:20:55+00:00

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in. The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him but it hurts so bad. I’ve had 3 kids 3 c-sections and I work an office job where I barely move all day. I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day. But I get no exercise. Feel like I can’t be mad at him but my heart feels broken as pathetic as it sounds.

MariaVT65 · 01/08/2023 09:30

What a twat. Tell him to look after the kids more so you can take time for yourself and do some exercise.

SoAndSoSaidSo · 01/08/2023 09:34

Fucking cnut he is. Keep on going for you. There was no need for him to be such an arsehole.

FOJN · 01/08/2023 09:38

You've had 3 babies and 3 C sections, your husband should be in awe not giggling at you in work out clothes.

Sorry to break the bad news but you are married to a negging cunt.

SilverArch · 01/08/2023 09:40

He sounds dreadful. If you want to have a tummy tuck go ahead and have one. There is a limit to what losing weight and strengthening muscles can do. It doesn't shrink excess skin for a start. If it would make you feel happier you should do it. You could also improve your life by getting rid of the tittering husband. My husband looked after our babies when I was going out for long walks to lose weight and regain fitness after giving birth.

pinkyredrose · 01/08/2023 09:41

I don't think I could forgive him laughing at me, that's just nasty.

Marscleo · 01/08/2023 09:45

It's the giggling that seems really nasty here, I'm sorry OP. Well done for starting to workout as I've only had one baby and am still in the worst shape ever.

MmmmSausageRolls · 01/08/2023 09:45

Similar here but I've got 20 years on you. It's not a great feeling and for me I haven't been able to forget his comment.

10HailMarys · 01/08/2023 09:47

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:34

Sometimes I go to hug him and kiss him and he will push me away. Now I’m wondering if he thinks I’m ugly?

He’s a total shit

CarnelianArtist · 01/08/2023 09:50

That's not kind. I'd use it to my advantage. Like I've been thinking about what you said. Because of the way my job is, the c sections the fact I look after 3 kids and I'm tired it's difficult to keep in shape. I'm so pleased I have your support to improve my life. Here's my plan:

I'll lie in at the weekends because tiredness slows metabolism right down so that would help. Thanks, what a gem.

I'll join the gym and go three times a week, cu after youve collected the kids.

Cooking from fresh is better so please watch the kids whilst i learn new recipes. Oh and contribute a bit more to the food bill. Did you know frozen veg is higher on the glycaemic index than fresh?

Did you know cortisol promotes weight gain? I'll be off on a spa day so just take the kids out. Oh and remember to be kind as mean comments also increase stress.

Wait are you eating dessert? This is a really bad example for me. Please don't do that. In fact let me bin it and save you. You can be fat thin you know.

Finally, I'm thinking of a career change like a police officer or just go part time so I can walk more. Are you OK with the pay cut whilst I discover myself?

Love you, I'm so lucky ❤️

QueefQueen80s · 01/08/2023 09:51

JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 08:43

If you’re booking a tummy tuck over that comment there are other things you need to explore. Why are you placing so much value on how you look?

Because she lives in a society that does. Where men do.

nameChchchanges · 01/08/2023 09:51

Firstly op, I'm absolutely in awe of you. When I was pregnant I was terrified of a c section because it is major surgery and recovery with a newborn must be seventh circle hell, even with a supportive partner (and I suspect yours wasn't very hands on). You've had three. That shows amazing grit and please show yourself some kindness for the amazing miracle your body has been through. You grew three actual humans safely. That isn't just something that is just done, that would have required sacrifice on your part, not to mention your body's resources being stretched to the max.

So the fact that you want to get in shape after that so quickly is nothing but admirable. You must have amazing purpose and energy and I want you to hold onto that because you come across as so much better a person than your husband.

Secondly, I am so sad for you because I can't square in my mind how this isn't abusive. Yes some abusers are obviously physical but most go for this drip drip gaslighting method you're being subjected to.

I also put weight on after my pregnancy and I'm sure my husband was bothered I wasn't as sexy. But he never said a thing. And when I said I was ready to lose weight he helped me, took the baby and ate some god awful diet no carb food for nearly a year. That really is how to support and if he'd have openly laughed at me I'm not being dramatic, it would mean divorce. (But I know the financial and practical realities of that may not be that simple and I'm sorry if you are stuck)

You don't say how long it's been since baby three, but I would like to remind you that it takes over a year for your body (innerds!) to physically recover enough from a baby to be considered safe to carry another. I would not expect anyone to get in shape before this tbh and I wish we lived in a world that didn't fetishisise women who go against what their body needs and 'snap back'. Yes some women do naturally but there is far too much emphasis that this is the norm and not the exception.

I honestly don't know how to advise you other than he's absolutely in the wrong and you are right to be angry.

Mariposista · 01/08/2023 10:00

Nah sorry he is being nasty. DH and I have always had the agreement that we won’t pussyfoot around and say ‘you’re fine as you are’ if it’s not the case but we would always be tactful about it. And given that you were in your gym kit and ready to make an effort, he should have encouraged you.

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 10:00

Oh OP i feel for you. Ita horrible.
I was in a similar position that a few years ago (12 weeks after having TWINS) my husband made a comment, that tbf was completely in context of what we were talking about, that was something alone the lines of "if you were as big as you are now when we first met, we wouldn't be together"
And I cannot tell you how much it fucking hurt.
But I used that comment to fuel me to start a fitness journey and thought "il show you dickhead"
Fast forward 18 months, through diet and exercise and I lost 7stone and am in better shape now than I ever was.

As horrible as it was my DH saying that, in a roundabout way it was the best thing he ever said to me as it spurred me to do it.(even if it began out of pure spite)

Makegoodchoices · 01/08/2023 10:03

Has anyone in the history of the world who is in ‘the worst shape of their life’ needed telling? I’m fully and painfully aware that I need to lose weight - every minute of the day. Can’t say that my spouse giggling at me /seriously discussing it with me would make that any clearer.

If you’re already in your workout kit the correct spousal response is “good for you” and perhaps a chat about times and childcare eg “if you want me to have the kids out of the way while you do x, then tell me when”

nameChchchanges · 01/08/2023 10:03

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 10:00

Oh OP i feel for you. Ita horrible.
I was in a similar position that a few years ago (12 weeks after having TWINS) my husband made a comment, that tbf was completely in context of what we were talking about, that was something alone the lines of "if you were as big as you are now when we first met, we wouldn't be together"
And I cannot tell you how much it fucking hurt.
But I used that comment to fuel me to start a fitness journey and thought "il show you dickhead"
Fast forward 18 months, through diet and exercise and I lost 7stone and am in better shape now than I ever was.

As horrible as it was my DH saying that, in a roundabout way it was the best thing he ever said to me as it spurred me to do it.(even if it began out of pure spite)

How have you shown him?
You changed your shape for his requirements after carrying two humans for him.
Unless you are now withholding sex he has benefited from his nasty comment.

CarnelianArtist · 01/08/2023 10:22

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 10:00

Oh OP i feel for you. Ita horrible.
I was in a similar position that a few years ago (12 weeks after having TWINS) my husband made a comment, that tbf was completely in context of what we were talking about, that was something alone the lines of "if you were as big as you are now when we first met, we wouldn't be together"
And I cannot tell you how much it fucking hurt.
But I used that comment to fuel me to start a fitness journey and thought "il show you dickhead"
Fast forward 18 months, through diet and exercise and I lost 7stone and am in better shape now than I ever was.

As horrible as it was my DH saying that, in a roundabout way it was the best thing he ever said to me as it spurred me to do it.(even if it began out of pure spite)

Wow, you sound amazing! You can just change without support.

Sometimes someone can say a horrible thing that leads to better outcomes. They were still wrong. They could have instead been supportive.

teaandbiscuits56 · 01/08/2023 10:27

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Barney60 · 01/08/2023 10:37

Yes was about to write similar to previous poster, i think hes insecure that you are doing something about your fitness, and to giggle how nasty.
When your fit and healthy just remember that he pushed you away, go for it girl prove the dick wrong.

fruitteller · 01/08/2023 10:37

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This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 10:49

@namenameChchchanges fs.

The comment was actually made in context of the conversation we were having about how I was discussing how miserable I was being so overweight and was biggest and unhappiest I had ever been, so although his comment was shite, and untactful and it wasn't malicious. (Thiugh that didn't help how much it actually hurt)

Never said i changed my body for him. Far from it. I done it for myself after years of hating my body, and being stuck in binge eating cycles and carrying 7 srone of extra weight, all his comment done was fuel my motivation to get started.

And changing my lifestyle benefits not only me and him. But my kids too. I'm more energetic, I'm healthier, I'm happier, my MH has never been better, I'm a better mum and person in general.

I do not resent DH for making the comment as, Like I said, was probably the best thing he has actually ever said to me and it was the trigger that caused me to turn my life around.

nameChchchanges · 01/08/2023 10:56

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 10:49

@namenameChchchanges fs.

The comment was actually made in context of the conversation we were having about how I was discussing how miserable I was being so overweight and was biggest and unhappiest I had ever been, so although his comment was shite, and untactful and it wasn't malicious. (Thiugh that didn't help how much it actually hurt)

Never said i changed my body for him. Far from it. I done it for myself after years of hating my body, and being stuck in binge eating cycles and carrying 7 srone of extra weight, all his comment done was fuel my motivation to get started.

And changing my lifestyle benefits not only me and him. But my kids too. I'm more energetic, I'm healthier, I'm happier, my MH has never been better, I'm a better mum and person in general.

I do not resent DH for making the comment as, Like I said, was probably the best thing he has actually ever said to me and it was the trigger that caused me to turn my life around.

I don't really see how your anecdote was useful to the op then.

I'm glad you are happy in yourself but the way you presented it to the op was that horrible comments are empowering. They're not. Stop with that bullshit.

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 11:09

@nanameChchchanges

Yeah soz, Can't imagine why being in a similar position to OP and having my DH say a comment which i found extremely hurtful might be useful to share.

And once again.... your making things up. where did I say the comment was empowering?

Stop being so miserable.

nameChchchanges · 01/08/2023 11:39

Not wanting to normalise spousal abuse does not mean I'm miserable.

No problem with you empathising with the hurt. Big problem with you saying a hurtful comment is motivational.
Also, op was already in her gym kit therefore motivated so your experience is not that relevant.

Well done with the weight loss. Commiserations you're married to a sod.

Themermaidspool · 01/08/2023 11:44

Wtaf? Sorry but i wouldnt be letting him near me after that! Youve created his children and birthed them and all of you have survived (no mean feat even now). He should be worshipping you! Banter isnt fun when it hurts! Its being cruel!

rosegoldivy · 01/08/2023 12:00

@nanameChchchanges there you go again making stuff up 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Please point out where i normalised spousal abuse? In fact, in my situation. Where is the abuse?
How does one tactless comment my DH made 2 years ago in the context of a conversation, that i was leading, make him a sod never mind abusive?

Where did I say the OP wasn't motivated? I shared a story about my experience, didn't make up how the OP was feeling or the frame of mind she was in.

Honestly stop over dramatising everything and cheer the fuck up coz your derailing the thread.