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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said I’m in the worst shape I’ve ever been

217 replies

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:20

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him but it hurts so bad.

I’ve had 3 kids 3 c-sections and I work an office job where I barely move all day. I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day. But I get no exercise.

Feel like I can’t be mad at him but my heart feels broken as pathetic as it sounds.

OP posts:
OneCup · 01/08/2023 07:43

I would prefer for my partner to he honest with me. You said yourself it's true anyway.
It's better to act on it now than 10 years down the line.

Bey · 01/08/2023 07:44

He's a horrible nasty immature man. He was "giggling" at you wtf OP not not normal at ALL!

hes disrespectful!!

Even if my husband put on 5 stone in weight I wouldn't giggle at him because he's in bad shape I may say im worried about his health im only talking if he'd put so much weight on it was restricting his life.

Does he use a lot of social media? Tick tock, instagram? View a lot of porn? Has it skewed the way he views women? Are they just objects of attraction to him and not humans.

Sorry for going off on one I'm actually raging at him how dare he.

Op this doesn't matter I know society tells us it does but it's bull shit. Good on you starting to work out it'll help your health and fitness but don't do it for him

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 01/08/2023 07:44

He's giving me the ICK and I don't even know him 🤢

SunnieShine · 01/08/2023 07:46

JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:29

He will be on the Relationships board in a couple of years wondering why his wife cant bring herself to have sex with him.

Bingo!

uhOhOP · 01/08/2023 07:47

Cherryana · 31/07/2023 23:24

And tell me about his fit, unaged body?

If he has a dad-bod and hasn’t had three children grow inside him - do not listen to him.

Exercise and eat well, drink water because it makes you feel better not because he has said a mean comment.

Even if he looks like Greg Doucette don't listen to him! Imagine laughing at the body of the person you're supposed to love the most in the whole world.

LovefromPickles · 01/08/2023 07:48

Giggling?! Is your H a 5-year old child?!

Well done on getting started

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 01/08/2023 07:48

Maybe he is feeling insecure about you getting fit, and maybe that's the reason he doesn't want you to have a tummy tuck either. 🤔 Perhaps he isn't unhappy with how your stomach is he just doesn't want you taking time and effort away from him while you are working out, so he is being horrible to put you off? Either way, keep to it and I hope you love the results.

ivykaty44 · 01/08/2023 07:49

I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

si you beg him to tell the truth and it’s his fault you’re upset? You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t feel secure enough to hear answers you won’t like. Let alone beg someone for those answers 🤷‍♀️

Oohmissus · 01/08/2023 07:50

I'd be upset too, OP. And probably angry. But I'd use both of those things to make sure I got into the best shape I've ever been in. I would remember him saying it, though, and not in a good way.

AngelinaFibres · 01/08/2023 07:51

Amiinthewrongg · 01/08/2023 00:05

Every time I’ve gone to book a consultation for a tummy tuck he’s talked me out of it because it’s a “waste of money” I’m going to rebook it and go for it now!!!

Use the money to pay for a divorce

Oohmissus · 01/08/2023 07:51

And nfw would I get a tummy tuck. I'd start with walking to and from my sedentary office job.

Elderflower14 · 01/08/2023 07:52

And I suppose he has a body like a Greek Adonis? What a dickhead he is!!

uhOhOP · 01/08/2023 07:53

OneCup · 01/08/2023 07:43

I would prefer for my partner to he honest with me. You said yourself it's true anyway.
It's better to act on it now than 10 years down the line.

The first words of the OP are "I started working out today", so she already is acting on it. Your post is written as though her husband's comment is supposed to spur her on to lose weight, or something. She already knows what to do and is doing it.

You say you'd prefer your partner to be honest with you, but would that involve giggling at you dressed in your exercise clothes?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 01/08/2023 07:53

You've had 3 kids and 3 major surgeries and no one is getting any younger. Does your dh really think you'd have the same body you did before kids and 10 years ago?

Your dh is an arsehole for saying what he did! He may think this but he should have never uttered those words.

Don't ffs have a tummy tuck off the back of what he's said, this is your body now, go down the exercise route for health reasons only, not because your dh is a twat

BabbleBee · 01/08/2023 07:55

I voted YABU because I think you’re unreasonable not to be mad at him. Who the hell does he think he is! 3 babies, 3 major surgeries and he makes a comment like that?!

Does he pull his weight with household chores and with the DCs? When do you get time to exercise?

SheIIy · 01/08/2023 07:56

ivykaty44 · 01/08/2023 07:49

I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

si you beg him to tell the truth and it’s his fault you’re upset? You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t feel secure enough to hear answers you won’t like. Let alone beg someone for those answers 🤷‍♀️

If I was begged, I still don't think I'd give that answer. It sounds more like OP suspected that would be the answer, hence the begging to know where she stands.

Theblacksheepandme · 01/08/2023 07:57

ivykaty44 · 01/08/2023 07:49

I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

si you beg him to tell the truth and it’s his fault you’re upset? You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t feel secure enough to hear answers you won’t like. Let alone beg someone for those answers 🤷‍♀️

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

If someone looked at my belly and giggled, you can be damn sure I would want to know what the fuck they're giggling at. I would also insist that he told me. That wouldn't make it my fault. He did it to be cruel and that's just nasty.

RaidFlySpray · 01/08/2023 08:02

OneCup · 01/08/2023 07:43

I would prefer for my partner to he honest with me. You said yourself it's true anyway.
It's better to act on it now than 10 years down the line.

"It's great that you're working out, I'm so proud of you for doing it because it must be difficult to get into shape what with all you do. I'll support you however I can with this."
That is honest. You don't have to be a nasty arsehole and giggle whilst you say something that is, of course, devastating.
OP don't make excuses for your husband. That is really really hurtful. You do so much and remember that weight bears no moral value- but being cruel to your wife really does.

Dotcheck · 01/08/2023 08:02

Mirabai · 31/07/2023 23:54

I can’t imagine laughing at someone who’s had 3 C sections.

This.

He’s ( I’m assuming) witnessed doctors cutting through the muscle of your abdominal wall to safely retrieve your children. He watched you painfully recover, only to do it again. And again.
And you’re only in your 20’s so you couldn’t have done it very long ago.

Mean.

ThroughGraceAlone · 01/08/2023 08:05

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:31

It’s hard because we banter each other a lot. But he really looked me in my eyes dead serious and just said it.

You asked him though? I think the word you used was beg?

Dotcheck · 01/08/2023 08:08

Popworld · 01/08/2023 07:41

Agreed .

But this is MN..

Show quote history

And yet, here you both are.

It is the fact that he laughed ( laughed!) at the consequence she is paying for having three c- sections. You know, the operation where they cut through your muscle?
How can he not have anything except respect for what her body has been through?

This isn’t the same as him saying her clothes don’t suit her or her haircut is bad.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/08/2023 08:10

He sat giggling like a 12 yo as though he'd never seen a woman's body before.

He then drew it out by making you beg him, thus prolonging the drama of it.

He sounds like a dick. And I bet when you offer to touch his, he's happy enough!

Sigmama · 01/08/2023 08:11

Are c sections more difficult to regain shape after? Don't have a tummy tuck, over haul your lifestyle so less sugar and more activity, but yes his comments were uncalled for

ThroughGraceAlone · 01/08/2023 08:11

I think it was mean to say it in that way, I do.
I also think our spouses are there to shape and better us and our behaviour and sometimes hearing it from your spouse can be the push you need to start a change. (again I'm sure I could have doen it in a better way)

Thirdly, to all the people who says, 'how dare he, she's had 3 c-sestions!"
I don't think that's fair, because there's loads of women who's had c-sec and are in shape, and it's healthy to not be obese, even if it is harder because you have had surgery or a sedentary job. At what point can you say it would be better to lose weight to a women whose had c sections. When she's morbidly obese? Or only when she cant stand up on her own.

CornishAdventures · 01/08/2023 08:11

That was mean and insensitive of him. It doesn’t matter that it’s the truth, he wouldn’t laugh at a stranger and says those comments so he shouldn’t to you. If he had serious concerns for your health there are much better ways of broaching the topic

On a separate note if you are wanting to work on your health, you mention not being a big eater. It may be that you might need to eat more and change the times you’re eating. I have a fairly sedentary life and not much time for exercise but intermittent fast midweek with a 10 hour eating window and 14 hour fast, stopping food at 5pm. I’m more relaxed at weekends. It does wonders for my energy and I lose a couple of pound a week