Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said I’m in the worst shape I’ve ever been

217 replies

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:20

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him but it hurts so bad.

I’ve had 3 kids 3 c-sections and I work an office job where I barely move all day. I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day. But I get no exercise.

Feel like I can’t be mad at him but my heart feels broken as pathetic as it sounds.

OP posts:
Janieforever · 01/08/2023 06:20

Good god don’t go for major surgery as you’re married to a twat. That’s not the answer. And it won’t fix the problem you have, which is you’re married to a twat. If it’s not this, he will find another reason to demean you.

I can’t believe he effectively doubled down on it when he apologised, basically telling uou you were fat. What a horrible man.

he’s putting you down for a reason. And it’s nothing to do with your weight. He wanted and wants to make you feel bad. The question is why.

pimplebum · 01/08/2023 06:27

I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day.

I fucking hate how us women feel we have justify and shame ourselves over our eating and size

We need to stop talking about our eating habits/ bodies with shameful language

Reason I quit going to slimming clubs was all the guilt talk ie " god I've been so bad/ naughty / lazy stupid / this week I've had two whole Kit Kats .. I'm such a .,,,
We need to stop equating. A certain size or habits as " good" and "successful" and "desirable" and my last rant is for this societal norm where it's assumed that after a woman has birthed children she is
" supposed" and " expected" to go back to her pre baby body - WHY??!!!!!!

The fact that your husband rejects your advances for hugs is very sad I'd never reject someone I love who wanted a cuddle and certainly not because of their "hilarious" belly is he 13?

ChaToilLeam · 01/08/2023 06:35

What a nasty minded prick he is. You‘ve had major abdominal surgery three times, your body has grown three children, he should be looking at you with love and awe. You don’t need surgery, you need a man who doesn’t project his own insecurity into you. Funny how he is only saying this now that you have taken steps to get fitter and healthier, isn’t it? He wants you back in your box.

Dashel · 01/08/2023 06:35

I would personally like my DH to tell me if he was worried about my weight or health, however there was no need for giggles that is just horrible. I would be very honest about how hurtful how he went about saying what he did was. He could have not laughed and asked how he could help, offered to have the dc, suggested.

You need to find the time to look after yourself for your sake not his. Can you start walking at your lunch break? So much sitting is bad for you and a break away from your desk would benefit you.

I would take regular exercise doing something you enjoy alone as well and exercising with the dc and him so they get used to regular exercise in whatever form works for you as a family.

Loopylooni · 01/08/2023 06:35

@Amiinthewrongg my ex was abusive towards me in other ways so we split up. He had a 6 pack and in great shape. I was/am a size 16, not in great shape. Now in our years together, he'd never have mentioned my weight/body or pushed me away like that even though he was a stress in other ways (anger). I think how your partner treated you/acted is horrible and I'm not sure I'd get past it.

ShiteRider · 01/08/2023 06:43

What an arsehole! Did you point out to him that you went through 3 major surgeries to have your kids and you don’t just bounce back from that?

It wouldn’t be the tummy tuck I was after to get rid of excess weight, it would be divorce.

Dentistlakes · 01/08/2023 06:45

The way he tackled the situation wasn’t very nice and i’m
not surprised you’re upset. However, you know yourself that you need to make some changes, for yourself not him! Time to get a bit selfish and prioritise your own well
being. Pay some attention to your diet and get yourself some exercise you enjoy, it doesn’t have to be the gym but I do recommend resistance training. It’s the one thing that’s made a massive difference to my body composition and I’m now eating twice the calories I was.

Remember, this is an investment in yourself, not for his benefit.

SouthernBel · 01/08/2023 06:48

Oh love, I am so sorry. How utterly vile of him, really cruel and unnecessary. Please please don't let one person's words convince you that you aren't gorgeous and worthy. Your body has carried THREE children. It's bloomin miraculous!!! Men don't get to put women down like that, he has absolutely no right to!

Also, mum bods/ dad bods - I genuinely think they're very attractive, and quite frankly women are magic!!

I would be tempted to show him this thread to really hammer home to him how unacceptable his comment was - an apology isn't enough, he needs to do some work on changing his toxic mentality about women! Some good Instagram women to get him started are: Alex Light, Megan Jayne Crabbe, Stephanie Yeboah and Michelle Elman. He has some serious work to do!!!

Chin up darling, you're fabulous!

Catsmere · 01/08/2023 06:49

It wouldn’t be the tummy tuck I was after to get rid of excess weight, it would be divorce.

@ShiteRider perfect! Lose the excess baggage!

meridian37 · 01/08/2023 06:59

It was a horrible thing to say op

Is he an Olympic athlete?

Nagado · 01/08/2023 07:02

What a vile way to behave. And who giggles at someone in their exercise clothes? What is he? 13? He sounds nasty and cruel and I think that this would seriously damage my attraction to him if I were in your position.

If he has found himself losing his attraction to you, then the decent thing to do would be to make sure you had the time to exercise and the motivation and encouragement to do so. Telling you that he’s proud of you. Telling you that you’re beautiful and that he can see the results of your hard work. Telling you that he’s got the kids for a couple of hours so you can take time for yourself. Even getting up ten minutes earlier and putting some soup in a thermos flask, or a banana next to your handbag, or bringing you some weetabix in bed so you don’t want a chocolate bar mid morning. That is what a normal, caring spouse does.

missingeu · 01/08/2023 07:05

Thankfully, my DH has learnt or developed emotional intelligence not to comment on my body unless it's positive or helpful. He's has also been 'advised' when he makes a mean comment, that's it hurtful and I will resent him for it - my choice.

Embrace your body and proud of your body. It's the only one you have (the same can't be said for husbands). Also like the comment, to laugh at his penis next time.

SkiingIsHeaven · 01/08/2023 07:14

You can and are doing something about your weight.

He is an arse hole and there is nothing you or he can do to fix that.

Worldgonecrazy · 01/08/2023 07:14

If he loved you he would be supportive. His insecurities are showing and it is not your job to fix those.

Good luck on your fitness journey, it’s a long, hard road but ultimately so worth it.

PerspiringElizabeth · 01/08/2023 07:17

Ew. That tells you a lot about how he thinks about other people in the world too. What if one of your kids has a chubby phase?? Sad.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 01/08/2023 07:21

Would be nice if he could appreciate the sacrifice you've made (your body) in order to grow and birth him three lovely children through a major op each time.

He sounds like a wanker.

Reggieismycat · 01/08/2023 07:27

It dosnt mean because he said that ,that he dosnt love you. You asked him and he told you then apologised. He most probley thought he wouldnt hurt your feelings . Perhaps you shouldnt of asked. Anyway prove him wrong get into shape and let him buy you a lovely new outfit for your new lovely toned body. Good luck.

Ansjovis · 01/08/2023 07:28

How dare he?! Your body has grown and given life to his three children and he chooses to behave like this about it? I would be getting VERY angry. You have done something that he cannot even dream of, cannot possibly begin to imagine the physical toll it took on you, and you've done it three times. He needs to grow up and start giving you the respect you deserve.

ThreeRingCircus · 01/08/2023 07:30

What a nasty little man he is.

Makegoodchoices · 01/08/2023 07:31

I’m mid forties, definitely in terrible shape and if my husband saw me in workout gear he would be massively encouraging of the exercise happening rather than saying something mean about how I look before I do it.

Theblacksheepandme · 01/08/2023 07:36

Reggieismycat · 01/08/2023 07:27

It dosnt mean because he said that ,that he dosnt love you. You asked him and he told you then apologised. He most probley thought he wouldnt hurt your feelings . Perhaps you shouldnt of asked. Anyway prove him wrong get into shape and let him buy you a lovely new outfit for your new lovely toned body. Good luck.

"I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in"

He laughed and OP insisted he tell her what he was laughing at. He was being a prick by laughing in the first place. Are you serious about him getting her a lovely new outfit once OP gets in shape? FFS

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 01/08/2023 07:40

Theblacksheepandme · 01/08/2023 07:36

"I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in"

He laughed and OP insisted he tell her what he was laughing at. He was being a prick by laughing in the first place. Are you serious about him getting her a lovely new outfit once OP gets in shape? FFS

Show quote history

I agree. The more I think about him laughing at her the angrier I feel on her behalf. And then she had to ask him what he was laughing which means he was just standing looking at her and laughing. That is kind of cruel.

Hibiscrubbed · 01/08/2023 07:40

Wow. He’s a spiteful prick. A shallow one.

Popworld · 01/08/2023 07:41

Nogg · 01/08/2023 00:26

So much drama from mums net as usual.
It is a bit hurtful but people sometimes say hurtful things.
Unless he is horrid in other ways and has form for putting you down being abusive I would move on with your life.

Agreed .

But this is MN..

Mouk · 01/08/2023 07:42

What an arsehole!

Hugs to you x