Page 4 | DH said I’m in the worst shape I’ve ever been

cstaff · 01/08/2023 00:40

Maybe ask him what state he would be in if he had 3 pregnancies and 3 c sections. What a jerk.

Masterofhappydays · 01/08/2023 00:43

JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:29

He will be on the Relationships board in a couple of years wondering why his wife cant bring herself to have sex with him.

Yes!

CrazyScottishCatLady · 01/08/2023 00:43

I take it he's a walking god aye? 🤣 Fuck him you gave him three kids and he comments on a bit of weight? You're trying for god sake!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/08/2023 00:44

This is hard to read OP. It seems really contrived from him rather than an 'oh shit I didn't mean it like that' type comment. Say you looked at your partner or someone you love and thought they didn't look great...would you start giggling? And especially if they were doing something about it, why say something? What's he hoping to achieve, given you're already working out etc. The only thing it could do is to make you feel like shit. And you're letting him off far too lightly with the 'I can't be mad because it's true' comment...just because something is true, doesn't mean it needs to be said. Can you imaging you starting giggling after looking at his penis ans telling him you've had bigger? Or telling someone that when a relative died you never liked them anyway etc?

ThereIbledit · 01/08/2023 00:44

have the tummy tuck or don't have the tummy tuck, that's your call, but please seek community (maybe on here) where it is recognised that you tummy has done absolutely amazing work carrying and birthing three children, and that nobody who has had three children including by C section has the abs of a 20 year old maiden - and too right. Your tummy, your stretch marks, all of it is war wounds from having done the most incredible things.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/08/2023 00:46

Why would he be such a nasty spiteful cunt?

Isn’t he supposed to love you?!

What he said was so unkind. You need to have a conversation about why he thinks he can speak to you with so little respect.

porridgeisbae · 01/08/2023 00:46

Instead of you spending money on a tummy tuck @Amiinthewrongg , he could spend money on social skills training, a stopping being a bully/perp, or how-to-be-a-decent-husband course.

FannyJoan · 01/08/2023 00:47

We never forget negative comments from partners. This is why they often turn into ex-partners.

I'm glad you were getting in shape for you so just carry on doing it for you. With regards to him, maybe consider your options going forward. He doesn't sound like a nice man.

continentallentil · 01/08/2023 00:55

You don’t need a tummy tuck OP - you have an idiot for a husband who appears to eroding your self esteem.

You’ve had 3 c sections - you’ve carried his children. That’s part of the story of your body.

If you want to get fitter, great.

Him commenting you like that - really not great.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/08/2023 01:02

Chickenkeev · 01/08/2023 00:15

This. Do not contemplate surgery over this wankstain. You are worth so much more. Let him off to find whatever vision of perfection he wants, he'll no doubt be a long time looking.

Show quote history

Sounds like the OP actively wants it and he is the one that doesnt want her to have it, so why the hell should she not have it if it is what she wants? Seems to me that she would be doing for her and AGAINST his wishes.

I wonder how he would look after carrying and birthing three kids!

It makes me mad when men comment on how women look after kids. I had a right go at my dad not too long ago when woman was pushing a pram down the street in town. She was wearing leggings and a t shirt. OK so not the most stylish look but frankly the poor cow looked utterly knackered so getting dressed and getting out was a great achievement! He said something about her and I said "Oh, how did you look after your pregnancy and birth with me and (DSIS)? Did you slag me off for getting fat after I had your 6 grandchildren? She is slimmer than I was after I had DC6" He did look shame faced and apologised but I am still disappointed that he a) even thought that and b) said it out loud.

UnRavellingFast · 01/08/2023 01:03

i am outraged for you OP. Also, how about we all stop using cruel words for female genitalia to insult the tiny cocks who work so hard to make us feel bad. Prick, cock, wanker, limp cock, these are the words we could use instead of perpetuating the misogynistic abuse of our bodies as swear words.

tianabiscuit · 01/08/2023 01:08

My husband sometimes has no filter when voicing his oh so funny banter.

If he ever comments of my appearance (which he has learned is unwise), I remind him that somehow, I'm still the best he could pull. Usually shuts him up pdq.

Obviously we're both married to absolute Adonises.

user1492757084 · 01/08/2023 01:52

It was a giggle; you did push him to be honest and he apologized.
You need to build a bridge and think fit.
You need to get fitter for your own health and longevity.

It doesn't matter how you look to others and your husband was a dick.
Being in a no exercise job is the reason and you seem to miss the exercise to be fair.
Ask you doctor for a thorough fitness check.
Go out with your girlfriends (and those who build you up) more.
I hope your husband grows up.

Catsmere · 01/08/2023 02:01

UnRavellingFast · 01/08/2023 01:03

i am outraged for you OP. Also, how about we all stop using cruel words for female genitalia to insult the tiny cocks who work so hard to make us feel bad. Prick, cock, wanker, limp cock, these are the words we could use instead of perpetuating the misogynistic abuse of our bodies as swear words.

Couldn't agree more!

autienotnaughti · 01/08/2023 02:54

How fucking dare he?

He hasn't had children/major surgery
He doesn't have your hormones/metabolism
He's not a female in their thirties

How dare he judge you on your physical appearance

nalabae · 01/08/2023 03:15

He's horrible

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 01/08/2023 04:34

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/08/2023 00:44

This is hard to read OP. It seems really contrived from him rather than an 'oh shit I didn't mean it like that' type comment. Say you looked at your partner or someone you love and thought they didn't look great...would you start giggling? And especially if they were doing something about it, why say something? What's he hoping to achieve, given you're already working out etc. The only thing it could do is to make you feel like shit. And you're letting him off far too lightly with the 'I can't be mad because it's true' comment...just because something is true, doesn't mean it needs to be said. Can you imaging you starting giggling after looking at his penis ans telling him you've had bigger? Or telling someone that when a relative died you never liked them anyway etc?

This.

He's a nasty little prick.

MsDogLady · 01/08/2023 05:13

Sometimes I go to hug him and kiss him and he will push me away.

@Amiinthewrongg, your mean-spirited H’s mocking you by laughing at you in your exercise gear was truly beyond the pale. His intent was humiliation, the same as when he pushes you away when you try to hug/kiss him.

You, his Wife and the mother of his 3 children, deserve his utmost respect, support and affection, not his cruelty and contempt. When he demeans you, he also harms the children. What a sorry role model he is.

I would be working on an exit plan.

rwalker · 01/08/2023 05:39

We all carry a few extra pounds but to me it would of been what your wearing and it was totally unflattering
the fact you have a bit of a belly would be a non Issue
I think we can all be guilty of squeezing into old clothes that aren’t a great fit making us look worse than what we actually are

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 01/08/2023 05:47

I am in recovery from an eating disorder after I started to binge eat ferociously after a couple of devastating bereavements. At first I thought the solution to binge eating was a programme of diet and exercise. I was wrong. It exacerbated the problem and I ended up heavier than I have ever been. This is the reason diets don’t work. I have discovered that many things now trigger my bingeing including dieting and exercising to change shape. You may or may not be prone to an ED but your low self esteem suggests that you may be in danger of that and your partner’s comments aimed directly at your body won’t help.

There are many people on MN who have dieted successfully but it doesn’t usually last - most people regain lost weight because diets are so unrealistic and unsustainable.

Are you snacking and grazing in response to the stress of being a young mum with 3 kids? If so it might be a good idea to seek help. It is great to have someone to talk to. And it might be a better investment than a tummy tuck.

The solution is to nurture yourself with food and exercise, not punish yourself with deprivation or overeating. Yoga and Pilates are great ways to look after the body. They are also calming which helps with overeating (if that’s your thing).

Nurture yourself in other ways too. Experiment with makeup and get some nice new clothes (also better investment than tummy tuck). On days I feel low I dress my best, get my hair done and wear makeup and jewellery - just because it makes me feel good, not to please others. Have fun.

Your partner needs to work on being more supportive and caring. He can’t mock you into thinness and his harsh words support your self critical attitude which is symbolised by your current relationship to your body.

in the end however you and you alone are responsible for how you treat yourself. You don’t have to be wait until you are slimmer to start loving and caring for yourself. Remind yourself every day that you are going to look after and speak to yourself in the same loving way that you tend to your lovely kids. Notice when you are speaking/thinking about your body in a negative way and replace the thought with a more positive affirmation. For example, as others have pointed out your beautiful body gave birth to three beautiful kids.

I hope you start to feel better about yourself - it takes a while to develop a more positive relationship with your body but I wish you the best of luck with it.

SD1978 · 01/08/2023 05:49

So he has an outside active job- and you've had three kids in relatively quick succession given your age, take care of them, and your getting grief because it's not enough? He's a dick......

swimminginthesun · 01/08/2023 05:52

How childish to laugh at your stomach! His comment sounds like something my mum would say when she’s being brutally honest. Funny how much these things can hurt even when we know they are true.

It’s great that you are starting to exercise but please think about your diet as well. It doesn’t sounds like you are eating enough which will make it hard to maintain any fitness regime.

pastatriangles · 01/08/2023 05:57

The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him
Feel like I can’t be mad at him

Fuck this attitude. He laughed at you and insulted you to your face and you can't be mad? What do you think was the point in him saying it - to make you feel good?

If he had had 3 major abdominal surgeries would you laugh and insult his scars?

Seriously OP see this for what it really is and GET ANGRY. And LTB

weneedhelpandlove · 01/08/2023 06:03

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:20

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him but it hurts so bad.

I’ve had 3 kids 3 c-sections and I work an office job where I barely move all day. I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day. But I get no exercise.

Feel like I can’t be mad at him but my heart feels broken as pathetic as it sounds.

Yes you can be mad at it him. Yes the truth is important but there are ways to say and go about things that as you mature you learn. For example, would you say to a child they are in bad shape? No you wouldn't because that's just going to hurt them, you'd find fun ways to introduce exercise or better eating into their life. This isn't a question of that though as you clearly have decided to start working out to become healthier which is a wonderful step, your health and happiness is most important. He was disrespectful, what stopped him from getting up and giving you a kiss and saying well done for working out and that's he's proud of you? Instead of making a heartless comment which will make you feel insecure and possibly push you back.

We grow and we surround ourselves with people who should grow with us and help us become the best we can be. So long story short, yes you're fully within your rights to be mad and I am so sorry he said that.

Speaking as another mum who's had a c section. You are fucking awesome! We have scars and possible 'folds' which one of my exs so kindly pointed out to me, and we coped with major surgery, while fully awake and looked after our babies straight away while rocking catheters and being unable to sit up and move for the first however many hours. You're a superhero!

blondieminx · 01/08/2023 06:10

Your body has nurtured his 3 children. You’ve had major abdominal surgery three times. Nobody would come through that unscathed!

question is, are you going to let his unkind comments slide ….or are you going to reclaim some time to exercise? He will of course now need to look after his kids whilst you do that.

and if he ever wants sex with you again, he will need to step up and support you by giving you time for self care, to show how sorry he is for being so devastatingly hurtful.

well done for getting started and for looking after your body with exercise. Now comes the time to reclaim some time to get some momentum going.

what he said wasn’t banter, it was disrespectful and hurtful - I am not sure I would get over that, he has a lot of grovelling and ensuring you get the time to exercise to try make up for it.