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Original poster

DH said I’m in the worst shape I’ve ever been

217 replies

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:20

I’ve started working out today and have been in my workout stuff. So obviously more skin on show. He looked at my belly and started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says your probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

The thing is he is absolutely right so I can’t be mad at him but it hurts so bad.

I’ve had 3 kids 3 c-sections and I work an office job where I barely move all day. I’m not a big eater will only eat my dinner and a chocolate bar and a cup of tea throughout the day. But I get no exercise.

Feel like I can’t be mad at him but my heart feels broken as pathetic as it sounds.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 31/07/2023 23:38

I wonder what motivated him to be cruel in that moment. Is he insecure about you getting back into shape for any reason?

Also this.

May09Bump · 31/07/2023 23:39

If your getting healthier - do it for yourself and don't let him put you off.

Also, it might be worth assessing how much time you get to yourself compared to your Husband - if he's getting more, then sort it out and you can quote well I'm in the worst shape I've ever been and taking some self care time back.

What a horrid thing for him to say, sorry your hurting - be kind to yourself.

JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:41

if he's getting more, then sort it out and you can quote well I'm in the worst shape I've ever been and taking some self care time back

Yes His comments could well backfire on him

Pablothepalm · 31/07/2023 23:41

What a complete cunt. My heart sank reading your post. Sending you a virtual hug and hope you can persevere with working out. You gave him 3 beautiful kids and he judges you. Your body gave life to his children. I am fuming for you. Please make time for yourself and train and rest when you can. 💐

Clymene · 31/07/2023 23:42

What a fucking, fucking arsehole. I couldn't bear to be in the room with him.

EsmeSesame · 31/07/2023 23:42

It’s hard to hear, but my husband and I have always promised we’d be honest with each other about weight, so it’s the sort of thing we’d say to one another. But probably in not so blunt a manner.

Original poster
Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:43

Thank you all’ I can’t stop crying. I don’t have many people that I can openly talk to. So I appreciate all the kind words so much.

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:44

How old are you both OP

NoSquirrels · 31/07/2023 23:46

EsmeSesame · 31/07/2023 23:42

It’s hard to hear, but my husband and I have always promised we’d be honest with each other about weight, so it’s the sort of thing we’d say to one another. But probably in not so blunt a manner.

But you wouldn’t look at your partner trying to improve the situation and start laughing, would you? Or have to be begged to explain, and then do it in a hurtful deliberately shitty way, would you?

started giggling and I said what’s so funny. I had to beg him to get the truth out and he says you’re probably in the worst shape you’ve ever been in.

LiOLeary · 31/07/2023 23:47

Fuck that guy...

Duckingella · 31/07/2023 23:48

As women we sacrifice our bodies to safely bring the children with share with our husbands/partners into the world.

This often means stretch marks,scars,saggy skin,weakened pelvic floors and in more serious cases;birth injuries.

What are our husbands/partners contribution to this?;they ejaculated.

We then exhaust ourselves juggling too many things to care for our kids/families/households neglected our basic needs at times whilst our partners buy their leisure time with our labour.

What has he done exactly over the years so you can have the time to yourself to take care of you?

What a bloody hypocrite.

And then these blokes still expect their wives/partners to shag them.

Original poster
Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:48

I’m late twenties he is mid thirties.

I have said to him it was a harsh way of saying it and he said well I didn’t want to say you look fat. But I think what he said was worse!

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 31/07/2023 23:49

anothertrainwreck · 31/07/2023 23:28

I honestly think even if I got a sincere, heartfelt apology and some serious throw-himself-on-the-floor grovelling I would really struggle to get past this. Some things are genuinely just better kept inside, and he should be a grown-up and realise how hurtful that is. What a dick. I’m sorry OP, take care

This. I would never forget it or be comfortable naked anywhere near him.

Wtf was he thinking?

Mayhem3 · 31/07/2023 23:49

I think he’s absolutely right and you need to start going for a long run and the gym every single day whilst he looks after the kids.

JaneorEleven · 31/07/2023 23:49

When Kerry Washington was asked about getting back to her pre birthing babies size, she said 'That is not my goal. My body is the site of a miracle now'. I love the idea of having respect for what you and your body have been through.

Youdoyoubabe · 31/07/2023 23:50

Try to take it motivationally. Hopefully it will empower you to work to inprove your health. A rude awakening can be just the tonic.

Codlingmoths · 31/07/2023 23:50

Does he really feel bad? I’d come home, and disappear for an hour walk 4 nights a week while he deals with the kids now. Or, if you work somewhere nice just walk from there. He said it, he can make it up to you now instead of just ‘oh I feel bad’

NoSquirrels · 31/07/2023 23:51

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:48

I’m late twenties he is mid thirties.

I have said to him it was a harsh way of saying it and he said well I didn’t want to say you look fat. But I think what he said was worse!

Fix me, he really DID miss the memo on being a decent human being? If you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

’Banter’ my fucking arse.

IVFlife · 31/07/2023 23:52

@Amiinthewrongg that sounds so so hurtful. I am also currrently in the worst shape my dp has seen me in (thanks to injuries and also failed IVF and the low mood and comfort eating that has followed that)

I would be so so upset if he said it to me in this way. You really aren't being unreasonable to be upset by this

JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:52

Try to take it motivationally. Hopefully it will empower you to work to inprove your health. A rude awakening can be just the tonic

Cool. As long its also ok to use this kind of "motivation" on smokers druggies and alcoholics.

LiOLeary · 31/07/2023 23:52

Amiinthewrongg · 31/07/2023 23:48

I’m late twenties he is mid thirties.

I have said to him it was a harsh way of saying it and he said well I didn’t want to say you look fat. But I think what he said was worse!

Just to be clear "You look Fat" also makes him an asshole.

You, my love, are here to BE awesome, not LOOK awesome, and with three kiddos, you've already shown that.

KingTriton · 31/07/2023 23:53

Urgh what a knobhead.

He should be grovelling for forgiveness after that comment. But he appears to think it's fine to be blunt/rude as 'he's only being honest'

Chickenkeev · 31/07/2023 23:53

It's not 'banter'. He's a cunt.

Mirabai · 31/07/2023 23:54

I can’t imagine laughing at someone who’s had 3 C sections.

JenniferBooth · 31/07/2023 23:55

@Amiinthewrongg Im sure you look great but if you are wanting to lose weight at that age it will fall off you.

Then you can tell him that as you have worked so hard for your new figure that you wont want to get pregnant again so wont be having sex with him again.