I'm fucking livid. Am I allowed to be livid? Because I am.

[Fuckingfumin]

Did I mentioned that im livid?

Both DH and I work full time.
he works Saturdays.

we have children, one of whom has additional needs and is an awful violent, abusive individual.
We are getting support from psychiatrists and we have a key worker. You may link this to my previous threads.

Its my FIL's 80th, we were all supposed to go to theirs 1.5 hours away for a surprise lunch.

Only DH went because we didn't want a violent outburst our 12 year old and for him to call us all cunts and possibly throw a chair at us, like he does.

So DH decided he would go alone.

He was planning on leaving at 11am.

He didn't bother hauling his arse out of bed until 9.30am.

Tonigbt I'm putting the smallest to bed, he's asleep and 12 year old calls me in tears asking me to collect him as his bully has just punched him repeatedly in the head.

I call DH thinking it's 7pm so he must be round the corner as it's quite late.

no, he's just left.

So I have to wake up and drag out a crying pre-schooler to rescue the other one Who is now throwing things round his room in a rage as per.

Im absolutely livid that DH has just left.

Why the fuck did he need to stay until 7pm? When he knows full fucking well what it's like here.

You go for a birthday lunch, you leave by 5, 6 latest surely??

When he knows full fucking well what it's like here.

And that's why he left late. I'd be pissed off, too.

I am confused, where is the 12 year old?

I don’t think your DH has done anything wrong except enjoy a nice lunch and conversation with his parents.

You have had a tough day, let him go take over tomorrow.

I think you sound at the absolute end of your tether, which is understandable as it sounds like you’ve got an impossible amount on your plate. Your DH may have just wanted to enjoy himself/ escape for a while but unfortunately he can’t do that without burdening you and it sounds like it’s the straw that broke the camels back.

That all sounds incredibly stressful

Sorry, not the point but .....

Was the 12 year old out on his own?

How was he planning on getting home before the incident?

I am saying this kindly but maybe be livid at the situation rather than it all being on your DH. There’s things to learn here though for sure, you and DH should have discussed leaving plans or kept a little in touch throughout today so this wasn’t a surprise and you had a plan for what if anything happens with your eldest when it gets to bedtime for the little one. Move past the livid on to planning a few hours break for you and how you’ll manage better in future and ensure this won’t happen again. Just venting won’t address this.

When we are both at work?

Why are you cross that he stayed in bed on his day off?

Where is the 12yr old?

The 12 year old was out with friends.

Yes.

It was his Dad's 80th birthday, I don't think he's done anything wrong.

I can only imagine how hard life is for you, though.

Ah OP, yes you sound livid. And I hope your DC is okay.

Although I'm going a tread cautiously and ask if you and your DH agreed a set time he would leave the party? And was your ds meant to be collected at some point tonight, or planned to sleep over?

I don't think 7pm is too late for this type of event where extended family were most likely there and catching up.

Its my day off too.

And I was up at 6am with the kids.

Given that he knew I had another day with the kids because he was going out without the children due to one of them being as awful as they are at the moment, don't you think he could have got his butt out of bed this morning and muck in?

Why are you letting a violent and out of control 12 year-old out and about by himself??

Is the 12 year old in his room or out somewhere? I'm confused 😕.

The 12 year old is at home.

I dragged the little one out to collect him, which I had said in my OP.

I also said in my OP he was now throwing things round his room in rage.

I don't understand why people are asking where he is?

The next day you are both off.

He’s allowed to spend time with his parents and you can take a break the next time you are both home.

It sounds as if it might have helped if he took the smaller child with him, then returned in time to do bedtime for them? At least showing willing on the "stressful childcare" front.

In general, staying at a special family lunch until 7pm isn't unreasonable, but it may well be the straw that broke the camel's back if he cuts corners to his own benefit with your time constantly.

Family life does sound difficult for you but it’s your dh’s dads birthday, surely he is allowed to celebrate the day with him and spend time with his family without having to rush home,

its shit but I’m sure he will return the favour.

I do really feel for you. It sounds horrific.

I'm with you OP. He knew you were on your own with the kids, he didn't need to leave that late. If he left home at 11, he was there by 12.30. He had plenty of time, as well as a nice lie in this morning.

Would it be better to lock him inside?

That would make him significantly more unstable, goodness me!

If I had anger issues (I do right now!) I would need to see friends, exercise, have fresh air.

Out for 8 hours+ for a lunch??? He is being a completely selfish twatsicle! Yanbu. At all!!! I would be fuming too.

It’s his dads 80th! It’s not like he will have many more birthdays!

Ordinarily? Absolutely!

With a normal family who's child doesn't launch phones and items at parental heads? Of course!
when there isn't a terrified 4 year old who is woken from his sleep and dragged outside crying? Of course!

but we are not currently a normal, stable or even safe family.