Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

Anyone with a facial disfigurement is going to feel bloody awful reading this thread.

🌺🌺🌺
Therapy. Get it off your chest.
Look up Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Professional make-up, hair styling etc won't make a lot of difference until you address what's inside. Work on being clean and dressed - that's all anyone should expect of other people.
Get a long-haired Syrian hamster if you need another pet - they're quite big and show personality. Great for 'Good mornings' etc. And a tiny grape gives them great joy.

I was just thinking this too! Having a disfigurement doesn't mean you're hideous ffs. I know a couple of gorgeous girls with facial scarring from horse related injuries, it hasn't made them any less beautiful.

Let’s move away from how you look. You sound incredibly lonely. Do you have friends? Hobbies? I agree with others that a new cat would bring you joy but while you don’t have one could you travel? I honestly think the only answer is to turn your eyes from the mirror to the world outside.

I was like you in many ways. I never had a boyfriend. I had one date in high school - I think my mother set it up with his mother for senior prom. I went through college and grad school and got a job teaching (where you don't meet single men). No siblings and older parents so limited family. I had two dogs that I loved.
When I turned 30 I said to myself "I want to have a family" and I started trying to adopt. At 33, I got my first child and two years later my second. We are a family and they do not find me ugly. Now I have grandchildren and three dogs.

You are not too old to get what you want. Start with another cat and keep on going.

We can't all be super models but unless you are disfigured you can look interesting what is this comment? Seriously. Why insult people with differences.

Your post is so sad to read OP.

Can I ask- do you have any hobbies, interests, any passions in your life that bring you joy? Because if not I think that’s where you should focus your energies.

Find something that brings you joy (reading, art, caring for animals, looking after a garden to benefit wildlife, helping other people in some way) and discover your purpose through that. I really do believe we all have a purpose in life and moving along the path to fulfilling that can bring us true happiness.

The sad fact womankind has been told for years that our purpose is to be decorative, and those of us who aren’t can therefore be made to feel like mud on a shoe.

But women- YOU- are worth so much more than that. There is value and beauty and joy to be found in discovering the other parts of yourself that can bring fulfilment and perhaps even make new connections with other people- not for romance necessarily, but for company and friendship. Love comes in many forms. You deserve to find something that makes you happy and allows you to love and value yourself first and foremost. That’s what life is all about- finding your purpose and bringing meaning to your life as you discover it.

I was the same-always picked in as a kid for my looks. Even my own family members would talk about how unfortunate I was compared to my sister. I was always the ugly one out of my friends who never went on dates BUT asides from a few years as a teen, I have worked really hard to look at everything I’m good at. I am really funny and have a real interest in people.
As I got into my older teens, I just got on with my life and tried to place less importance on how I looked. At that age I was a massive fan if self help and improvement books which I do think helped.
Anyway, I have a successful life- career, relationship, kids. I have my own sense of style and accept that I’ll never fit in to society’s beauty standards.
Im not saying this to gloat OP but to let you know that it’s possible and it’s often the limitations we put on ourselves that are the problem

Wish I could give you a hug op.

If I were you, I would:

• kick start a new diet and fitness plan and make it my absolute mission to make myself the healthiest & fittest I could.
• I would start a new hobby and join a group- preferably a mixed group of men and women.
• i would start some counselling and discuss the things you’ve mentioned here.

You link your low self esteem to no attention from men or dates and loneliness- absolutely get another pet! And also please consider that you can improve your happiness and self worth whether there is a man or men on the scene or not. Do it for you OP. You deserve happiness- everyone does, whatever they look like, whatever their life has been. Lots of luck to you xxx

The word "plain" is just meaningless.
Everyone (apart from people who have committed cruel acts or abuse) has something endearing about them.

Yes its horrible to read some of the comments being made about people with differences

Could you get a dog OP? Will cheer you up and give you lots of unconditional love and adoration and something to care for and help switch up these negative thoughts you are having.

@greenteaandmarshmallows it feels accurate to me, feeling disfigured as have 5 front teeth in a bad state that need either expensive treatment I can’t afford or else pulled and haven’t had the nerve to do get it over with yet

I'm so sorry op. I'm sorry about your cat, and about your other feelings.

I think it's good to separate the two issues (in my view) firstly, the vile misogynists who have called out horrible things - as a pp said above, beautiful women get this too. Some men are just pure scum.

The other issue is that you're lonely. Like pp said, plenty of conventionally ugly women and men are happily married. Do you fancy men? Do you notice them?

I wouldn't call myself ugly although like you I had some devastatingly hurtful comments when younger. (I have a lot of facial hair amd don't always keep up with renoving it). But I've always had lots of male attention too (I mean the flirty kind) and I put this down to the fact I'm really attracted to men and it shows. I notice them and chat to them, not even in a flirty way. Especially the shy ones, they're delightful. I've honestly had two different times when a male colleague, who I've only ever chatted to platonically, has suddenly said he's in love with me. I promise I'm nothing to write home about particularly looks-wise.

Pp have suggested make up - I never wear it so can't say anyone needs it - I'd recommend try to stop thinking about how you look and start noticing men and speaking to them more. Lots of them can be quite nice

Morning @SundayMorningTeaForOne. Do you have a circle of close friends?

I know a woman who due to her cranial structure would be considered unattractive. Her life is built around her pets and socialising with her friends. She's made peace with it

This. All as I get from your post is how crap your life is and how awful and how sad. And I get it I do but if I was sat in a cafe and started talking to you and you said even a bit of that I'd be reverse beep beep beeping my own fat arse out of there. I find People that focus on negatives and down sides a real drain and is taken me until 45 to be able to say I don't want them around me.

I've got crooked teeth. A hooked nose. Hair so fine on some days I look bald. But what I lack in looks I try to make up for in personality. I have taken on hobbies. I have bred reptiles, cultivated orchids, grown veg, joined Zumba, done sponsored extreme sports. I learned how to talk to strangers and my confidence carried me through everything.

As another poster mentioned up thread - never in my life have I looked at someone, female or male, and thought they were ugly, not even once!

I’m sorry you feel like this it must be really tough to feel that way about yourself and I can’t offer you anything other than to say don’t write off meeting someone - there is a lid for every pot, as they say. Have you got any hobbies? I wouldn’t bother win online stuff - I’ve never done it but my god it sounds absolutely hideous and probably won’t do your self esteem any good at all but what about a new hobby?

There's definitely ways to improve looks though so have you done any of them if you are not content with being ugly?
Do you have your hair done? Facials? Get your make up done?
What style clothes do you wear?

People notice if you make an effort.

Being fat - can you lose weight? Its not good for your health first and foremost so I'd try to tackle that unless it's some kind of symptom of something else.

Get another cat or even a dog! Dog would get you out the house and you actually speak to loads of folk on dog walks. Maybe you'd meet someone on one!

If you want a child it really doesn't matter about what your parents think. One day they won't be here and I'm not sure it's worth holding off before them.

You sound so lonely. Can you start to seek connections - not necessarily in a romantic way. Adopt another cat, try some new hobbies, volunteer somewhere. You don’t mention a job - do you have one and is it fulfilling? If not could you change and do something you find more rewarding?
Half of us have below average looks - I’m glad I grew up before social media was a thing. The bullying comments you’ve been subjected to have stayed with you and are influencing you more than they have any right to - if they are affecting your confidence now that makes connecting with people more difficult. Please try and get yourself out there a bit more - not everyone in life is so shallow.

I’m sorry, you sound so miserable. As you like going for walks and you’re lonely, could I suggest a dog? My dogs bring me so much love and happiness, even in the darkest times they have given me so much light and their big personalities just fill the house.

Agree with other poster that it is a good idea to find some physical activity you love (if you are not already doing). Your body, however you think it looks, has the potential to give you loads of lovely, mood enhancing endorphins if you move it around a bit. You can be happy again!

That's up to you but some of these comments are awful to read.

I strongly suggest the changingfaces website for those who wish to learn about facial differences/disfigurement.

https://www.uglyschmucks.com/

There are dating sites for people in your position. Why not give it a try?

I agree with PP that most people are average. Models represent like, 0000000.1% of the population but we see them everywhere because they are on adverts and in the media. Most people I see out and about are not particularly attractive, thats not a judgement on them, I just mean I dont see gorgeous people on a daily basis. I also know lots of people who are overweight and not attractive who have partners who adore them, and families. So, I'm afraid I dont agree with you that not being conventionally attractive means you're destined to be alone forever. Most people end up with partners who are similar in appearance/attractive level as themselves (the exception being people who are famous or rich). Therefore, sure, you probably wont land a male supermodel but you can absolutely meet a guy similar to you- if your theory was true, only gorgeous people would be in couples and this clearly isnt the case is it?