Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

Just reading all the posts on this thread..really hoping that it's helping OP, brilliant views and advice..certainly making me think..I'm also an unattractive person with horrible things in the past to live with.

just bumping this thread....if facial skin is a problem has anyone tried any laser or facial peel treatments ? and skin creams ...? if so, which please?!😊

People notice you skin condition more than you think ...

@wavingfuriously if the issue is acne try the new Kanzen. Not expensive.
I've had laser for red veins. A bit painful.

Be wary of chemical peels. I used to work with a woman who had dreadful scarring after one going wrong.

That's terrible 😕 thanks for warning

My blunt advice:

1. Get another cat.
2. Bin the idea that at 40 your life is somehow over. I used to think that. Boy was I wrong.
3. Next time you go out, start looking, really looking, at the couples. Many of them will be very unattractive by conventional standards. Yet they are couples.
4. On your daily walk, talk to yourself (silently). Say "I'm a fairly attractive person". Say it over and over, even if it feels silly. A few weeks or months of this and you will feel different and get different reactions. After a while, you could drop the 'fairly'.
5. Do a similar thing when you are with people. Stand up straight.
6. Attractiveness is 80 per cent confidence, 15 per cent good presentation, and 5 per cent genetics, in my opinion. Only a tiny number of people are naturally beautiful.

I love that you get up and go for a walk whatever the weather. That's a cracking bit of motivation you've got there. On your next walk, smile at everyone you see. Coo at babies in prams, stroke dogs, pick up the odd bit of litter. It will make you feel so much more positive and something to build on.

Only a tiny number of people are naturally beautiful.

And it's entirely possible to be beautiful but utterly bland. Emma Watson is a terrific example. Beautiful, yes, but absolutely wooden, boring and forgettable, whether she's acting or not. The actress who played Lavender Brown isn't as conventionally beautiful (although she's lovely looking) but she packed so much character, personality and humour into her performance. And of course Maggie Smith and Miriam Margolyes were mesmerising as ever.

No unkindness meant to beautiful people; of course you can be both beautiful and charismatic, I could reel off famous names like that all night! Just making the point that you can be beautiful and also be, well, Emma Watson.

I do believe that the way you project yourself is important, OP. Smiling at people will light up your face, making eye contact will be more appealing to people than staring to the side, reading books and papers will give you topics for conversation. Wearing brighter colours, that suit you, will give you a mental lift. Work on these areas and you'll find people will be automatically more drawn to you. I'm not saying you'll find love, because I don't know that, but you will find people are more attracted to you if you project positivity and self-like.

Definitely agree men can find a way to be pigs no matter what a woman looks like, they have a whole toolbag of tricks and I've been subjected to many of them over the years, as we all have including you.

That aside, as PPs have said plenty of less attractive people are in relationships. Is that what you really want, or something you think you should have?

To add to this OP, I don't know if it makes you feel better but all the sleaziest men I've met - the type that cheat on their partners, proposition every women etc etc - have the most beautiful partners. They seem to pick women just based on their looks.

You've dodged a bullet not having to deal with men like that tbh.

I have also been bullied for my looks and I'm not pretty at all. However, I dont actually think that would stop you finding a partner. Men are simple creatures, give them praise, steal and chips followed by a full 'muck out' - I reckon you could make a man fall in love even if you're not particularly pretty.

Even if you think you are ugly, try to wear a bit of make up and some 'nice' clothes and then actively try to meet men. You probably aren't trying hard enough to put yourself in the shop window. In some ways, men are very visual creatures, but in other ways, I think they are happy to settle. Maybe more than women. Just my two cents.

Hi OP!

I was sad reading your post and also I can relate a bit. I always thought I was ugly when I was younger, but for me it turned out it was having poor self esteem. I somehow didn't notice when men showed an interest in me. I'm not saying that's what's happening with you.

I decided I'd follow my interests and just enjoy myself. I loved swimming as a child and I decided even though I looked awful in a swimming costume I decided I'd go anyway. I still look awful in swimming gear but I still go. I was single but I had a job so I decided I'd do some travelling! I had no one to go on holiday with so I joined a tour group that accepted single travellers. I had an amazing time!

Now, 20 years on, nearing 40, I would say I can look utter shit some days and also nice and interesting on other days. I agree with other pp that hair, make up and nice clothes make a massive difference, have a go, you might enjoy it.

I'm so sorry your cat died, don't deprive yourself of the love of a pet, I love my dog, perhaps it's time to get another xxx

This breaks my heart to read and I am so sorry you feel this way and that people have ever been cruel to you about how you look. I know it’s a cliche but it’s irrelevant how you look really — I’ve never loved someone for how they look, never chosen friends or lovers for their appearance. I’m sure you have so many wonderful qualities, besides, everyone’s looks fade in time anyway!

@Lilyscotswolds not being rude but have you really not ever chosen a lover for their appearance? maybe I'm being a bit dim..

Hi OP.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, feeling ugly is honestly the worst of the worst and you get into a pit and it's impossible to get out of it.
I have lots of friends considered 'unattractive' or 'plain' and they have found someone. Like other posters, I think it's purely down to your confidence, my dad, for example, was a complete drip in his teens, acne covered skin, awful teeth, awful fashion sense and low confidence. But he met my mum, who was considered very attractive. She fell for him, not for his looks but because he was funny, caring and hard working. It's really not always about looks. Try and start the gym, find a hobby, get yourself out there and build up your confidence. There is someone for everyone

Absolutely agree that confidence and good qualities make someone attractive and it's not all about physical looks

However don't agree that there is someone for everyone

That's clearly not true and makes those who cannot meet a partner feel even worse

Just bumping this thread..🤔

I was always beautiful and very slim and I either got molesters, rapists or just disgusting pigs. No one has really loved me either and from my early teens men used to pounce on me from woods or parks. , I spent my whole life hating, fearing and suffering rejection from assholes. Why? Because most of them are like that. No respect for those who give them life.

Research says attractive people have easier lives? Everyday common sense says the same!

Hi OP. I'm so sorry life has been so hard. I wanted to take what you are saying on face value, and still offer some hope. Age is the great equalizer. Women and men who were gorgeous in their teens/20s/30s all start to age in their 40s. I never thought I was pretty, but now I look at old photos and think what an idiot I was. I look very different now mid 40s. Some of us have wrinkles, pot bellies, thin hair. The dating pool you enter in your 40s contains imperfect people, both physically and with lots of emotional baggage! You are not at a disadvantage, and there is still hope to meet someone else who is having the same experience as you out there.

If you’re beautiful as someone in your 20s it’s not going to disappear in your 40s and onwards. Maybe less 20 year olds will want to shag you but you’ll still enjoy an easier life in general. People trust you more, you do better in job interviews etc. pretty privilege isn’t just for the very young

I do generally agree. I've always thought that the privilege associated with looks works like this:

Attractive women
Attractive men
Unattractive men
Unattractive women

(Purely for looks-based privilege, not talking about their overall lives/other aspects)

Purely because I think society places much more importance on female beauty than male looks, so as a result the gap between attractive and non-attractive for women is much greater than for men.

I also think this goes a long way to explain why women resist aging so much more than men - because women have so much more to loose. For men? They just have a slightly worse time, but for women you drop from high to lower in the pecking order.

The only thing I'd say to you OP is that we all have lucky and unlucky parts of our lives, and all we can do is take on what we have and muddle through to something we can be somewhat happy with. I'm sure there are other areas where you are blessed, and although it is hard to focus on them, it is probably what you need to do.