Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

I am so sorry you are feeling so low about this. I wish I could give you a hug.

It's true ime. I am ugly. I have made my peace with it. All that I'm sure you're not (never having seen you) feels patronising as fuck. Some people do have very very unattractive faces. I'm one of them. It's just a fact.

Posted too soon.
I would consider finding another pet. They bring so much joy to life and there are so many needing a loving home.

I'm sorry you are so low and lonely.

I know lots of ugly people who have partners, but I do not have an answer to how you feel about yourself, OP.

You arent wrong- research has shown that life is easier for attractive people and even those who are conventionally attractive have been shown to get shorter prison sentences than those who arent. That said, I would say there are two different types of being attractive: objective (how you physically look via your genetics) and perceived attractiveness (which means your charisma, the way you dress, your body language, personality etc). You may not have much of the first one, but the second one can definitely be improved for anyone.

I think what I'd do is maybe pay for a makeup artist who you like the sound of when you talk to them over the phone to give you some good contouring and enhancing tips

Or go on YouTube and copy what make up artists do to transform your face into something that makes you happier with yourself

Next I guess you need to lose any excess weight and research more flattering clothes for your shape

It can't be nice feeling like you do

Some people go quite OTT, arty and dramatic with their style when they're not naturally blessed with good looks and their personality and charisma shines through that way making them attractive.

Confidence is the key so you need to regain that in bucket loads

OP I’m sorry you feel this way, it does sound awful. Do you have friends or hobbies or interests? I don’t want to minimise how you feel about your looks and not having a child, just wondering if there are other aspects of your life when you can feel more positive?

I can’t remember ever thinking someone was ugly. (Apart from me). You notice where they are compared to beautiful people maybe.

This was upsetting to read . All is not lost though , go to the hairdresser and get a new haircut, try and loss the excess weight , buy some new clothes and also go and get some beauty treatments it will make you feel better . Try and join some social clubs to make friends, your loneliness is adding to the problem and probably exaggerating your problem. Don’t put too much emphasis on being beautiful looks fade fast and imagine how these ageing Hollywood stars feel and resort to ruining themselves with plastic surgery .

Hi OP.

I just wanted to tell you another side to this.

I am someone who is considered to be exceptionally beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful that many people consider beautiful today (filters, make up, implants/surgery) but beautiful first thing in the morning with no alterations.

I learned from an early age that men are trash because man after man would try to cheat on his girlfriend or wife with me. Men (not all of them, but many/some of them) lose their damn minds over women who look a certain way, to the point that they are willing to potentially throw it all away over one encounter and over time it makes you really dislike and distrust men, and think many of them are pathetic.

I also am nearing 40 and alone. I've never had a long term relationship or lived with a man. I too have a cat and say good morning and good night to him. The last man I was involved with and loved deeply, I found out we were having an affair and he had a long distance girlfriend. This has happened to me over and over.

So even if you were on the other end of the spectrum it comes with its own problems and does not guarantee happiness or a good relationship.

The comments you have had shouted at you out of car windows, when you're very beautiful come with the same horrible feeling but instead of 'you're fat' comments, it's comments that turn you into a sexual object and make you feel ashamed for existing. Different comments, same feeling. These men are misogynists and they make all kinds of women feel bad.

Why haven't you got another cat, OP?

Sorry you feel this way , we all have our own insecurities right , it seems it's mostly
Men that have made you feel this way - without getting all feminist, have you considered highlighting your best bits - new hair do, clothes and a change of scenery ...nothing like walking in a room full of new people to give you a boost

Fucking men.
They always think they have the right to say and do whatever they want to women.
I suspect you're going to get some nasty comments but fwiw your experience sounds horrible too. Dehumanising and just awful.

Honestly I was never considered good looking growing up and like you OP had boys (and some girls) telling me I was ugly as I grew up. I hated the way I looked and in my teens developed an ED.

I think what sets us apart is that as I got older I just started to accept who I am and how I look and worked with that and now I really like how I look. I started made an effort with how I dress and present myself (very small changes at first, bit more self care here, hair cut there) and it’s been a real ‘fake it, ‘til you make it’ scenario but I feel good now. I married and have DC but it has taken work to get to where I feel happy and it sounds to me like you might be a bit depressed and maybe start working on your mental health. It’s not for everyone but I was on ADs for a few years and they were a lifesaver. I know it’s a horrible, horrible feeling to feel like you are but I promise you can feel better.

It’s the same in nature as well. The nicest birds, the most beautiful plumage get the mates , the ones with the loudest calls get the females.

one thing I noticed is the good looking people always have the fancy cars etc. look at social media ( yes I’m aware this isn’t always the case but it mostly is ).

But I have seen ugly people with husbands. Disfigured people find love. I have seen my son who has medical problems and isn’t able to walk far have the most amazing girlfriend who loves him regardless of how this impacts her life.
I myself am not a beauty pageant contestant but I have a husband who adores me.

I do believe some of it is self confidence. I’m not very clever and I have massive hang ups on that and am constantly shying away from intelligent conversations and putting myself down. Being told ur as thick as too short planks most of ur life is a hard one to shake.

I would imagine u are hiding urself away? Don’t. Please don’t. Get out there. Enjoy urself. The old saying really is true … if people make comments like that they really are not worth the bother. In my opinion they are ugly on the inside and personally I would rather be ugly on the outside than be that kind of person.

I'm no oil painting either, tbh most people aren't good looking but lots of people still find partners. I don't know why some people never seem to find their match, I have some lovely friends who just never did (or haven't yet anyway)

Also maybe get another cat. I love my cat

I'm going to completely accept what you are saying - that you are ugly and unlikely to find a partner.

But, if it upsets you, and it obviously does, can you set about making yourself into the best possible version of yourself? Healthy weight, good hair, subtle make up, flattering clothes will make you look better and feel confident. I know a few people who only look attractive because they make the best of what they've got.

And ugly shouldn't prevent you from having friends or an interesting job, that's down to low confidence.

If you don't want to feel the same or even worse in ten years, make a plan and some changes.

Here's a blunt response, I see loads of fat and ugly people with husbands, partners, children, so I dont think appearances are a barrier at all. Im slim and reasonably attractive but never got married of had kids and I'm older than you.

Is branch out to meet people, join groups, hobbies, ask other people out! Dont have a chip on your shoulder (or hide it if you can) it's off-putting, work on your confidence, it will shine though. Exercise more, eat better and make more effort with your appearance, new hair cut and clothes etc, this will improve your confidence and bring a positive cycle.

And sorry about your cat, maybe look at rescues as now might be a good ti.e for a new furry friend x

Beauty doesn't last forever op anyway.
Do you have friends though, meaningful relationships don't always have to be romantic/sexual.

the word “plain” is probably better. There’s nothing wrong with that

It’s such a sad world to think being beautiful is the be all and end all . It’s awful to see young women with faces like dolls, botoxed with huge fake lips and fillers. I was very beautiful when I was younger and I absolutely hated the cat calling and comments off men . I am now happily invisible and don’t miss that one bit .