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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate going to big weddings ?

189 replies

ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:23

So awkward. So expensive. So "quirky" yet identical. You can't talk to the bride and groom (who are possibly your only actual friends there). The food cost them a bomb but tastes meh. Ditto the booze. Chair covers for £25 a go??? CHAIR covers? So often impossible to get to. Impossible to leave. Just want to go to bed by 10 but that'd be rude. Hate pressure to dance. Hate the inevitable hangover from all the wine I anxiety drunk (going to try to get through one with zero wine apart from the toasting fizz).

But I think other people must love them otherwise why would they keep happening.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:24

I don’t recognise this in any of the weddings I have been to for friends and family

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:24

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:24

I don’t recognise this in any of the weddings I have been to for friends and family

I don't believe you. I have been to dozens of weddings and any with 30+ guests are like this.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 28/07/2023 09:29

None of the weddings I’ve been to are like this. They’ve all been lovely.
The biggest wedding I’ve been to was about 250 guests, the brides family were seriously well off and it was INCREDIBLE, some of the best food I’ve ever eaten, gorgeous wine, amazing venue.

That said me and DP have said we are eloping…

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:31

ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:24

I don't believe you. I have been to dozens of weddings and any with 30+ guests are like this.

Show quote history

😂

I have just read your other threads and posts. Your ideal job would be one where you don’t ever communicate with anyone.

suffice to say you and I are very different!

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:32

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 28/07/2023 09:29

None of the weddings I’ve been to are like this. They’ve all been lovely.
The biggest wedding I’ve been to was about 250 guests, the brides family were seriously well off and it was INCREDIBLE, some of the best food I’ve ever eaten, gorgeous wine, amazing venue.

That said me and DP have said we are eloping…

The OP won’t believe you! 😂

askmeonemoretime · 28/07/2023 09:32

Agree the food is often mediocre even when the cost is incredibly high.

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:33

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 28/07/2023 09:29

None of the weddings I’ve been to are like this. They’ve all been lovely.
The biggest wedding I’ve been to was about 250 guests, the brides family were seriously well off and it was INCREDIBLE, some of the best food I’ve ever eaten, gorgeous wine, amazing venue.

That said me and DP have said we are eloping…

I honestly think if a wedding had some of the best food youve ever eaten you ought to eat in better places generally. No food produced for 250 people simultaneously can be good.

OP posts:
NeverThatSerious · 28/07/2023 09:34

How strange that all the ‘big’ weddings you’ve been to have been this way, that’s certainly not my experience. I absolutely love weddings, the great food, good company and happy times 😊 of course I don’t expect to monopolise the bride and groom all night but I’ve never attended a wedding where I’ve not had chance to speak to the happy couple at all.

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:34

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:31

😂

I have just read your other threads and posts. Your ideal job would be one where you don’t ever communicate with anyone.

suffice to say you and I are very different!

Show quote history

Yeh I suspected you'd have a big wedding yourself. It's so miserable having to go to them.

OP posts:
PrincessUnicorns · 28/07/2023 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

VisionsOfSplendour · 28/07/2023 09:35

To answer the question you're asking, of course you aren't being unreasonable not to like any kind of event. No doubt you'll get lots of posters telling you whether they like big weddings but that doesn't affect you, if you don't enjoy large weddings politley decline

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:37

VisionsOfSplendour · 28/07/2023 09:35

To answer the question you're asking, of course you aren't being unreasonable not to like any kind of event. No doubt you'll get lots of posters telling you whether they like big weddings but that doesn't affect you, if you don't enjoy large weddings politley decline

The sad thing is you can't decline when it's family or a very good friend. One of the stupid things about our society.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:38

ForestGoblin · 28/07/2023 09:34

Yeh I suspected you'd have a big wedding yourself. It's so miserable having to go to them.

Show quote history

Mine was 45 and loved it

Best friends was Indian and over 300 and I loved it

OP - reading your past posts and threads - you hate socialising, you hate engaging with people and your ideal day would be to have no interaction with anyone.

Weddings aren’t for you!

LemonLight · 28/07/2023 09:42

I love weddings, they're so happy and fun! Most of the weddings I've been to the food has been pretty good actually, apart from one vegan wedding I have to admit the food was god awful. No one is forcing you to get drunk though Op and can you just decline if you don't like them that much! And if it's someone else's wedding you don't need to worry about the cost either.

neverbeenskiing · 28/07/2023 09:42

I've been to some weddings where the food has been rubbish, the speeches have been too long and the location meant travelling there and back was a bit of a pain. But I've also been to some big weddings in beautiful venues with gorgeous food, really good live bands and a great atmosphere where everyone has seemed to really enjoy themselves. I've always managed to speak to the B&G at any wedding I've been to, but obviously they're not going to sit and chat to you for hours.

I've never been to a wedding where I've only known the B&G though, I can see why that would be awkward and I probably wouldn't attend to be honest, unless we were really close.

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:43

Hate the inevitable hangover from all the wine I anxiety drunk

I don’t get an inevitable hangover because I anxiety-drink

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:44

Because I don’t anxiety drink

Eminybob · 28/07/2023 09:46

I love other people's big weddings. There is no pressure really, no one is expecting anything of you, they are all concentrating on themselves or the B&G.

I would have hated it for myself though. DH and I eloped (kind of, we didn't go anywhere, but we told no one)

Legomania · 28/07/2023 09:47

OP : "Why are all big weddings crap?"

"Ps I hate other people, socialising and leaving my house"

Weflewinstyle · 28/07/2023 09:48

Legomania · 28/07/2023 09:47

OP : "Why are all big weddings crap?"

"Ps I hate other people, socialising and leaving my house"

Also OP

I don’t believe anyone who disagrees with me

Ladyoftheknight · 28/07/2023 09:48

The 'biggest' wedding we went to had over 400 guests, cost more than the B+G's house and was a 3 day affair. The food was fucking awful- bland, plonked on mismatching plates, wasn't what we ordered etc. Not enough drinks at the bar so people had to slope off to a nearby supermarket and stock up. So many of the chairs were broken, the meal wasn't in an accessible room so many people couldn't even get in. The band were shit, they weren't even plugged in.
And the MOTB moaned the whole time, making sure everyone knew how much she'd spent on their meal.

I spoke to the groom briefly once and didn't see the bride at all. So not worth it.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/07/2023 09:49

So don't go

Snoken · 28/07/2023 09:50

I have been to a couple of weddings I have really enjoyed, but I have been to more weddings which have just felt stilted or loooong. I had to stop going to my ex-husbands colleagues weddings as it was just so boring. I usually only knew a couple of the people there, my ex was their boss so no fun banter etc., and we were often seated for hours next to people we wouldn't have normally hung out with or have anything in common with.

One particularly bad one was in a field in a rainy Wales under a marquee. The ceremony was at midday and the then there was just drinks until 7pm when the dinner started. By then the floor was completely flooded, everyones shoes got ruined, everyone was hungry and tired from being on their feet all day. It was the most miserable atmosphere and by 9pm most of the guest left.

scoobysnaxx · 28/07/2023 09:51

Get CBT for anxiety if it's social anxiety making you hate weddings (you mentioned anxiety drinking - very common behaviour in social anxiety).

If you just hate people and hate weddings just don't go.

IamnotSethRogan · 28/07/2023 09:52

I had a very small wedding (just our siblings and parents) and I still love a big wedding. Being the centre of it all on the day wasn't for me, but I bloody love going to other peoples. I've been to a bunch of weddings recently and have had a blast at every single one. I haven't been to too many weddings where we just knee the bride and groom but when we have, it hasn't been a problem as there are always other people in the same boat.

It's OK to admit the whole thing is outside of your comfort zone though.