To hate going to big weddings ?

[ForestGoblin]

So awkward. So expensive. So "quirky" yet identical. You can't talk to the bride and groom (who are possibly your only actual friends there). The food cost them a bomb but tastes meh. Ditto the booze. Chair covers for £25 a go??? CHAIR covers? So often impossible to get to. Impossible to leave. Just want to go to bed by 10 but that'd be rude. Hate pressure to dance. Hate the inevitable hangover from all the wine I anxiety drunk (going to try to get through one with zero wine apart from the toasting fizz).

But I think other people must love them otherwise why would they keep happening.

As someone currently planning a big wedding, I really hope any guests invited with your mindset decline.

As for cost of chair covers, why do you care? No one is asking you to pay for them.

I love them and yes, they’re all different in their own way but obviously have to follow a format to some extent.

it’s the same with funerals surely, all the same whilst expressing each individuals own quirks

Where I’m from there are only two hotels big enough for a “big wedding” so it does get pretty samey.

I was bridesmaid at my friends big wedding and did not enjoy it. It was a lovely day and lovely wedding it was just too many people I didn’t know 😂

You don’t have to go to them. Just decline the invitation. And stop being so bloody miserable, your glass isn’t half empty, you haven’t even got a glass.

I find some weddings to be entirely identikit, where it seems the names have just been changed over from the last one.

But I’ve been to some that are completely different and not at all like that.

Your group might favour the first which are draining, I admit.

Sorry, this actually made me laugh! Because someone else has been to lovely weddings (as have I) you don’t believe them! Perhaps, OP, just stop saying yes to the many thousands of invites you get!!

People love to be judgey and sneary about big weddings.

In my experience some people who had small weddings, love to shit on anyone who dares spend more than 50p on a wedding as less valid then their own wedding.

"Oh you had chair covers? We didn't care about any of that "stuff' because we are so in love, we just shared a single quiche in a village hall because we love each other too much to care about catering"

It tends to be people who had those sort of weddings that are judgey, feel like they arent like 'the other girls' and are so unique.

In reality often package weddings are easier to organise and often can come out cheaper than a lot of the weddings which heavily DIY. Just hiring a church for example (with no flowers etc) has a minimum grand cost round here.

If your planning a wedding, people love to tell you how they did it for £2.50, and often vastly under estimate a DIY cost.

I love weddings. Big, small, expensive, budget. Even if the food is rubbish. It’s better if it isn’t, but one poor meal isn’t the end of the world.

A tip for the future: just decline the invitation. Unless the person getting married is your brother or your best friend, they really won’t be that upset. They will have a list of other people who they didn’t have space for but who they’d like to fill your space with. They would rather one of those people attend than somebody who hates their wedding and finds it a chore.

Def social anxiety - it has shaped my life completely. But I don't enjoy the things that make me anxious anyway, on the whole. I just really resent society being controlled by the non anxious

I care because it's horrible horrible waste. I know everyone has their treats but CHAIR covers? It's the vainest thing ever. Just give £1000 to a homeless guy and accept the naked chairs.

Fair enough

but don’t accuse those of us who do enjoy weddings of lying!

Have you ever tried saying to a best friend or sister in law or cousin "sorry I just hate weddings"??

Whenever you are thinking of spending any money on anything slightly unnecessary do you give the money to charity instead OP?

Sometimes. But anyone who has enough money to pay for chair covers for five hours should be forced to pay that equivalent amount.

Your best friend or a close relative, it would be absolutely acceptable to say “I’m sorry, I’d love to see you getting married, but you know I get really anxious and awkward in big crowds and if I don’t know anyone, I’d rather you invited somebody else who will really enjoy it. I can’t wait to see the photos and hear all about it!” Surely they know what you’re like?

My brother has done that for my upcoming wedding. He didn’t use quite that language, but I know that was exactly the sentiment. I’m not crying over it, both of us are going to have a better day!

It's like victorians covering the piano legs.

No wonder she doesn't like going if people are like you! Yuck!

You are a good sister. I know a lot of people would get upset (wrongly) that "people would talk" if your brother wasnt there.

You sound really miserable. Do you also hate Christmas and birthdays?

You’re just being daft. Where do you draw the line on ‘unnecessary’ purchases? You don’t like weddings and that’s fine, just don’t go, you’re otherwise engaged/you have to work/you are away..

You don't decline for people close to you, but you can just go for the ceremony and meal and then politely make your excuses. I really doubt anyone would miss your energy for the rest of it.

Agree op, been to pantomime wasteful weddings like this.
I wonder if there is a link between the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage?

No because, ideally, I spend them with people I love or like. And they tend to cost me less to get to.

OP ignore the nasty posters berating you for having anxiety.
I have anxiety too, not too keen on big social gatherings: don't really like big weddings.
Most of them are a massive waste of money and effort for something that has a 50% chance of divorce. The only weddings I genuinely enjoy are my Close family's weddings.