To hate going to big weddings ?

[ForestGoblin]

So awkward. So expensive. So "quirky" yet identical. You can't talk to the bride and groom (who are possibly your only actual friends there). The food cost them a bomb but tastes meh. Ditto the booze. Chair covers for £25 a go??? CHAIR covers? So often impossible to get to. Impossible to leave. Just want to go to bed by 10 but that'd be rude. Hate pressure to dance. Hate the inevitable hangover from all the wine I anxiety drunk (going to try to get through one with zero wine apart from the toasting fizz).

But I think other people must love them otherwise why would they keep happening.

I agree with you. Weddings are tedious if you have anxiety and/or you are more introverted, and as you're finding here, people can be very critical and judgemental if you dare to voice the opinion that you don't like them. I'm glad I'm of an age where the weddings have stopped, but I remember so many awful ones in my 20s and 30s. Can you attend for a specific amount of time and escape earlyish in the evening when you go to one?

I have social anxiety and weddings can be difficult. They are also long, tiring days but, on balance, I do enjoy them. We haven't been invited to any weddings this year and I'm a little bit sorry not to be going to a wedding this summer.

Are you actually suggesting human society should be governed by socially-awkward, anxious anxiety-drinkers who loathe other people? Or presumably by ONE socially-awkward, anxious person, as he or she wouldn’t be able to bear seeing other governors…?

Honestly why go then? Nobody is forcing you. You seem like an extremely sneery person who looks down on anything that's not to your taste.

I hate going to weddings of any size, I don't find them fun or happy. They're mostly boring and cringy, novelty first dances and bad speeches, no thanks.

I'm in my 50s and have been to a fair few weddings, from the tiny, to huge almost corporate affairs.

There have been a few that have been 'duty' weddings, don't know that many people, making polite chit chat, big hotels, bland food etc expensive wine. The worst the DJ had given up and was just amusing himself while everyone sat on chairs around the sides of the room.

But mostly the weddings have been really good fun, a good bop, decent food, people you like to chat too. Though I get your point, the smaller less wedding industry type ones have often been more my cup of tea.

And I think these sorts of gatherings etc are the glue that hold society together. I think it's great when there are whole families there and people genuinely happy for the couple.

To be sure, there are some people who hate attending, so don't go unless you really have to.

You're right Op. Everyone else is wrong. Ok.

You sound like such a misery

I bloody love a big wedding - excuse to get dressed up, go somewhere nice, have a nice lunch and a few glasses of vino you don’t have to pay for.

who gives a shit how much the chair covers were, they aren’t asking you to cover the cost of that.

or, just don’t go if you don’t want to?

I despise weddings and nearly always decline the invitation. But that’s because:

I am an introvert and don’t enjoy ‘peopling’
I prefer to spend my Saturdays enjoying the outdoors or doing my hobbies
I don’t like formal dining
I hate dressing up
I don’t travel well, even less so if I’m wearing some awkward outfit and shoes
I very much accept and ‘own’ these reasons to my nearest family . I usually lie and say we’re on holiday though to everyone else.
fortunately I’ve only had to attend two in my adult life.
Never been to a baptism or christening, I do rather well really :)
most people aren’t like this though, they enjoy it so good for them.

Reading a few extra posts by OP, I get not enjoying the social side of things due to anxiety.

but no one is forcing you to go.

H it also doing things you are anxious about (exposure therapy)is actually a well documented way of helping recover from anxiety.

I don't hate going to weddings. I love it. I've loved every one I've been to.

I don't expect to be dazzled by the food - I expect it to be pleasant enough. My focus is celebrating with the other guests and bride and groom.

If you want to go home at 10 then do. If the event is as soulless as you describe then noone will notice, and if you're as antisocial as you sound no-one will mind.

OP while the chair cover obsession is funny I do think you need to go to see your GP and get some treatment for anxiety. Also invent a convenient health condition - perhaps suddenly you start suffering from
migraines that mean you have to leave at 10-ish (no one cares honestly). Decline the ones you don’t really have to go too. Lots of weddings are usually a life stage so it will pass.

As to weddings, I have been to some identikit ones as you describe, but many more very nice ones. It probably depends on the luck of your social group. You can do good food for 250 BTW it’s just v expensive.

As for chair covers - I think they are nuts, but Weddings are a huge industry that employ lots of people, including a higher than average number of women I’d guess - so the money spent is going into the economy and paying people’s mortgages. It does as much good as it would used in any other way.

I can agree with many things you listed: especially food being average or awful... I don't really enjoy weddings either, and that's why I only attend my closests'! I easily decline invites from cousins and collegues just by making a formal excuse and that's it and I send a card later.

I mean, if you're this grumpy in real life you probably won't get many more invites so don't worry

Bang on

Are you single?

Not all weddings are the same

I know some people enjoy them and I do think live and let live but this thread illutsrates why you can't easily get out of them. If you admit to not wanting to go you're "up yourself".

I don't think they're romantic - I think genuine love is private and intimate. Big weddings are for showing off your "status".

Anyway good idea on the leaving after the meal. The thing that's annoying with all this stuff is that while, sure, "no one will miss you/care/it's NOT ABOUT YOU!" people do still bitch and complain if you don't get sufficiently into it.

My wedding (12 guests) cost £2,500 in 2015. The chairs were naked as the day they were born, though.

Surprised you got 12 people there

It was a criticism of the identikit pomp.

Well maybe you should try to diversify your circle then. Ever been to an Indian wedding? A Greek wedding? A Vietnamese wedding? If your social circle is quite homogenous then it’s no surprise everything you attend is going to be fairly identikit.

Please don’t assume your experience is reflective of everyone else’s, make sweeping statements / judgements and then call people liars if they don’t agree with you.

A lot of people who have had me at their weddings over the years were pretty annoyed not to be invited. Like it's mutually assured destruction or sthg.

@ForestGoblin oh you get nicer and nicer

you aren’t being unreasonable to hate weddings... but your experience of weddings isn’t universal.

I’ve never been to a wedding where I didn’t speak to the bride and groom or where I didn’t know anyone else there tbh. If I’m close enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, then I also know other people in their life.