To hate going to big weddings ?

[ForestGoblin]

So awkward. So expensive. So "quirky" yet identical. You can't talk to the bride and groom (who are possibly your only actual friends there). The food cost them a bomb but tastes meh. Ditto the booze. Chair covers for £25 a go??? CHAIR covers? So often impossible to get to. Impossible to leave. Just want to go to bed by 10 but that'd be rude. Hate pressure to dance. Hate the inevitable hangover from all the wine I anxiety drunk (going to try to get through one with zero wine apart from the toasting fizz).

But I think other people must love them otherwise why would they keep happening.

It’s your prerogative not to like them, it’s horses for courses. Personally I love a good wedding, especially a childfree one - great to have a night off! Great to get merry, a bit of nice food, always a decent knees up.

OP you sound misanthropic, downright bitter and miserable. I suggest you seek therapy or stop forcing your ungrateful presence on others and let them save the cost of your attendance at any other weddings you are invited to.

I think it depends on the wedding tbh!
Big ones in hotels yes I do recognise some of what the OP describes especially with the food!
But I have also been to some large weddings where the food has been absolutely incredible! The thing they all had in common was not trying to replicate 150/200 plates at the same time but were big pans of paella, choices of 5 different Indian curries (several white british friends have done this as a option not just indian friends), west African buffet or tagines/sharing dishes.

It does sound like you should just decline wedding invites OP from your other posts!

All the weddings I have been to, the food has been lovely. Just not enough! Small portions. Except for one with a huge hog roast at the evening disco. That was a great idea!

I love them, loose lips and secrets spill etc. Makes an intriguing events, plus then it's nice to see the couple get married, although then you wonder who's guests are having affairs etc.

I don't like them either and I'm pretty socialable really (just back in from a night out with friends) Too long. Sexist speeches. 'Beautiful bridesmaids', cheering every time he says 'my wife' etc etc. They feel dated and stuffy.

The sad thing is you can't decline when it's family or a very good friend. One of the stupid things about our society.

Oh, yes you can.

And it's fair to say they mostly are identikit.

Christmas too. If I had my way I'd get on a flight every December and spend Christmas on a warm beach somewhere. Pity DH and DC don't agree.

I'm more impulsive than a meticulous planner when it comes to these things, and for the most part find 'tradition' a turn-off.

Horses for courses, as they say.

Is it your wedding? No, then don’t go.

Also am I the only one wondering how OP even keeps getting invited in the first place? Why would anybody want to be friends with such a bitter and miserable person who begrudges them spending their OWN money?

Social anxiety is one thing. But it is illogical to judge people for things like chair covers, unless you yourself live on the bare minimum and never. never spend on anything that's not completely necessary!

Make up an excuse and don't go. Simple. Let people who will actually bring joy and well wishes be there instead of you.

I don't like to go to weddings full stop, even my own.

I like a good wedding, yes sometimes the food can be meh but if its a good balance of people. I'd say if you don't like parties, which it sounds like you might not OP, then don't stay for the whole time.

Although I do remember being very annoyed at wedding of someone we went to school with. So, a bunch of us who would not normally see each other often were there but they decided to mix us up to "get to know the other guests". Look, I didn't come to your wedding to make friends, sit us beside people we fucking know please, so we can have a good old catch up!

To make matters worse it was around 6 months after our 1st baby so first proper day out and break from baby stuff. I was put beside someone who had given birth weeks before and just wanted to talk about that , yawn!

On the plus side one of the bridal party gave the best/worst drunken speech I've ever heard....it was sooooo bad, but absolutely hilarious at the same time. Every cloud...

@Weflewinstyle

Won’t just be weddings you hate then

it will be any kind of party surely or work social event?

You're correct!

OP. For someone with social anxiety, and who isn't particularly sociable, you seem to get an awful lot of wedding invites!

And more than that, wedding invites from people you are so close to, that you couldn't possibly decline!

I'm not sure how to reconcile:
a) being someone who is fundamentally an anti-social loner, and
b) being someone who is so socially active you get dozens of wedding invitations from family and friends you are so close to, you couldn't possibly decline their invitation

I find big weddings breathtakingly naff. Even the ones which are supposed to be very tasteful and quirky and upscale etc (particularly those ones). All the gross symbolism of women being handed from one man to the next which people try to obscure but it's still there. The unbelievable waste and cost -- and the fact that the only time this is considered to be justified in an entire lifetime. The "me me me" behaviour of the bride and the horrible "it's my special day so I'm going to be a total diva" thing. The ridiculous fastidiousness around things like table settings and bridesmaids' dresses and other things which don't matter at all in the scheme of things. The terrible food.

I quite enjoy weddings (though haven't been to one in a while!) but agree with all this. I like the social aspect and meeting people, but the whole set up is generally a combination of cliche and self-indulgence.

seek therapy for not enjoying weddings?

Is enjoyment of a wedding a recognised benchmark for mental health then?

It seems to me that some of you need to choose your friends more wisely.

I’ve never been to a wedding I haven’t enjoyed.

The OP literally states on another thread that her “ideal day” is to have NO interaction with anyone all day.

Thinking this one through, it seems what I personally don't like about these events is the level of social expectation placed upon them.

Hence an informal meal in a restaurant for a birthday, even with a large party of friends, I'd enjoy. Weddings not.

Easter/Ostara/Spring holidays, I enjoy. There's no conventional duty or expectation associated with it, we can go away or stay at home as we prefer, and it's a fraction of the work and planning associated even with simple Christmases.

Research based conferences I thrive on, and have organised and hosted plenty of them as well as attending as a delegate. My participation is entirely optional - and as a rule I opt in. Because I can go along, have a great deal of fun with like-minded colleagues (the socializing is brilliant) and can actually learn something.

Compulsory strategy team-building and away days, I loathe with a passion. They are a big investment in time because they never actually achieve anything worth knowing. My organization hosts at least four of these things a year and I shudder at the thought!

I admit there's an element of the childish rebel in here, too. It's about being told what to do: 'your attendance is expected', and when you do go it will be exactly the same dross you've seen about two dozen times before. Because ... 'it's just what you do'.

Not enjoying precision-organised, 'traditional' events isn't misanthropic, and it's certainly not a crime. It's really silly to take offence at someone not enjoying something you do, and vice versa. It would be a very boring world if we all liked the same.

I admit there's an element of the childish rebel in here, too. It's about being told what to do: 'your attendance is expected', and when you do go it will be exactly the same dross you've seen about two dozen times before. Because ... 'it's just what you do'.

I have this too. I’m a very sociable person so I generally enjoy most social events.

But I dislike formulaic social conventions where people are expected to do things “just because”, and weddings very much fall into that category for me. As do work “team building” events.

It’s not that I don’t have capacity to share someone else’s happiness or enjoy gathering people together I just dislike the very prescriptive approach to it.

This is why I think the idea that not enjoying a wedding makes someone “bitter” is absolutely ludicrous. It assumes that everyone is exactly the same and experiences rites of passage and an emotional response to that event in exactly the same way.

Oh god yeah, weddings are boring AF. The worst ones are for the cousins you see twice a decade (if that) for hatched-matched-dispatched. Fortunately, mine are all paired off now.

The worst one was the final cousin marrying a lady from elsewhere in the world. Wedding was in a little chapel, miles away from anywhere in the countryside. Then the reception venue was a 30 min drive away. They left us standing outside in baking sun (it was this time of year), with nowhere to sit and about 5 cartons of Innocent smoothie to share between 50+ people. Then a random BBQ started up which produced microscopic bites of rock-solid, inedible, unidentified meat.

We then got into the building for the sit-down bit. ENDLESS speeches by "representatives of the brides father" and similar. Who had no actual speech prepared, and just mumbled lists of names and a lot of "errrrr"s.
Then a buffet of more chunks of inedible meat. I think I ate about 3 potatoes.

We made our excuses ASAP, to commence the 2+ hour cross-country drive home. Everyone was massively grumpy by the time we got in, so we all just had bowls of cereal and went to bed!

I have been to a lot of weddings that are exactly like this😬

If I did again would be a lot quieter event.
In a nicer venue with less people.
No disco maybe a band or just background music.
No posed photos just natural shots.
A lot of the relatives I never see wouldn't be invited but was all done to please parents and in-laws.
Can't stand most of partners family so most of them wouldn't be invited and my partner would say same now😂

I think looking back too much money too.
Many guests more interested in creating drama rather than thinking it's the couples special day.

Weddings are mixed. The service or ceremony is the best bit, for obvious reasons. I can only think of one wedding where the food was seriously good, to the extent that we would have been happy to pay for it in a restaurant.
Family weddings can be a bit grim because, well..... families!
But the wedding of old friends can be a great opportunity to catch up with a whole group of friends.

Where I really come unstuck is the so-called "evening do" - just tacky and unnecessary, when most of us just want to have a quiet drink or to go home. Being asked to stand around and watch "the first dance" makes my toes curl.

But I guess if couples have whatever they want, that's all that matters.
In the unlikely event I were ever to get married again, I would ditch most of the conventions and just have a couple of guests/witnesses.