Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend taking ages to text back

182 replies

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:03

I text a friend a couple of weeks ago and she had been on line but didn't reply for a week later. I was honestly starting to wonder if I had done something to make her end our friendship. I reply to her text within a day, because even though I am busy it doesn't take long to reply. Again, I get no response to my message.

AIBU to think that it's just rude. Appreciate lives are busy but it doesn't take long to reply.

OP posts:
Ifailed · 27/07/2023 07:05

if you had written a letter would you expect a reply the following day?

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:06

No, but a letter is different to a short text message.

OP posts:
carryonregardless15 · 27/07/2023 07:07

Maybe she's depressed and her mind is somewhere else. I know this because of personal circumstances.

PicaK · 27/07/2023 07:07

You're in the wrong. A written message is for the recipient to reply to when convenient. It's not rude of her.

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:08

carryonregardless15 · 27/07/2023 07:07

Maybe she's depressed and her mind is somewhere else. I know this because of personal circumstances.

I did think this 🥲

OP posts:
patterpittercake · 27/07/2023 07:10

Uh, god. This is what I hate about WhatsApp. Personally I think it's rude to expect others to drop anything they're doing and reply instantly.
I'll reply when I'm ready. FFS.

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:10

We are supposed to be meeting for lunch on Sunday and it's asking what time we are meeting/where we are going so I am questioning if it's still going ahead.

OP posts:
Pamspeople · 27/07/2023 07:13

Perhaps she's not as into the friendship as you are, perhaps she's got stuff going on. Ask her if she's OK, and also be prepared to let the friendship go if she's moved on.

LolaSmiles · 27/07/2023 07:15

It depends what's normal for your friendship.

I have some friends and we can reply every few days. It's very easy to think you'll reply later and then forget.

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:15

It's not a friendship I'm that into just kind of keep in touch when we can, to be honest I'm
Not that bothered if it doesn't go ahead but would rather know so I can make other plans. I just feel it's rude to ignore.

OP posts:
nalabae · 27/07/2023 07:15

I do this with people but not a week later that's a bit much but I take long to reply when I feel sad

VerticalSausages · 27/07/2023 07:19

There appears to be a degree of competitive late replying on Mumsnet, but in the real world it’s considered a bit rude. You don’t need to reply immediately, but a week is too long, especially when it’s a message to confirm important info.

However it could be that your friend is feeling overwhelmed or worries about your plans so there could be a reason for her delaying…

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:22

I have thought if she is feeling down, but doesn't seem like it, I know you can't always tell. She is always the one to initiate the plans.

OP posts:
doorstopper123 · 27/07/2023 07:23

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:10

We are supposed to be meeting for lunch on Sunday and it's asking what time we are meeting/where we are going so I am questioning if it's still going ahead.

Suggest a time and place. Take control

OddOne2023 · 27/07/2023 07:25

Your query is fine until you said she was online. Like that means she has to reply. Why are you checking if she's online. Stop using WA if you can't handle the info it provides
Or change your settings so you can't see her status /she can't see yours.

OddOne2023 · 27/07/2023 07:26

Or just phone her 🤷🏽‍♀️

BMW6 · 27/07/2023 07:27

Yes, if you feel you need to know sooner, ring her!

Wenfy · 27/07/2023 07:29

It is rude. There are a lot of older people on MN who don’t understand how WhatsApp etiquette works - but a week to reply to a msg asking for clarification about a meeting is too long. In your position I’d stop being as available to her, she isn’t worth it - especially as her being online suggests she is replying to others.

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:29

I'm not ringing because, she is the one who initiated the lunch out, I'm not all that bothered but I can make other plans if it's not going ahead or have to reply. I'll give it until the end of today and then cancel if I've not heard.

OP posts:
mangochops · 27/07/2023 07:34

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:10

We are supposed to be meeting for lunch on Sunday and it's asking what time we are meeting/where we are going so I am questioning if it's still going ahead.

See, I think this is rude of her. Yes, I get people have stuff going on and of course noone is obliged to reply immediately or when not convenient but if you have concrete plans, its not asking too much to expect a simple yes or no. Otherwise, if its no, you could arrange to do something else that day instead of endlessly waiting for confirmation. I'd just text, "hey, I hope everything is ok, can you let me know by Friday if Sunday is still on?" Then, if no reply I'd presume it wasnt happening and I'd pull right back and I'd drop the rope.

Sux2buthen · 27/07/2023 07:36

Ifailed · 27/07/2023 07:05

if you had written a letter would you expect a reply the following day?

No, but if I went to McDonald's I wouldn't expect a KFC eitherConfusedit's a different thing
Yes it's rude, messaging takes a couple of seconds

RaininSummer · 27/07/2023 07:37

It takes seconds to reply to a message so assuming you check your phone once a day at least, then it does seem quite rude and unnecessary to take a week. Seems a bit flaky.

TheCornflakeHotline · 27/07/2023 07:38

There are a lot of older people on MN who don’t understand how WhatsApp etiquette works

Oh don't be daft. Plus WhatsApp isn't for the young - they're on Snapchat!

EarringsandLipstick · 27/07/2023 07:38

Sometimes posters seem like they are deliberately oppositional to OPs. 😑

Of course it's rude not to reply for a week, barring a significant reason, when there's a plan to meet.

OP, as you need to know, just send another message asking about details, then assume it's not going ahead if you hear nothing back.

ArcticSkewer · 27/07/2023 07:41

Wenfy · 27/07/2023 07:29

It is rude. There are a lot of older people on MN who don’t understand how WhatsApp etiquette works - but a week to reply to a msg asking for clarification about a meeting is too long. In your position I’d stop being as available to her, she isn’t worth it - especially as her being online suggests she is replying to others.

But older people are the only ones on whatsapp? So it works however they use it.