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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend taking ages to text back

182 replies

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:03

I text a friend a couple of weeks ago and she had been on line but didn't reply for a week later. I was honestly starting to wonder if I had done something to make her end our friendship. I reply to her text within a day, because even though I am busy it doesn't take long to reply. Again, I get no response to my message.

AIBU to think that it's just rude. Appreciate lives are busy but it doesn't take long to reply.

OP posts:
okiedokie1 · 27/07/2023 10:50

Ifailed · 27/07/2023 07:05

if you had written a letter would you expect a reply the following day?

This is a really weird comment. Everyone knows letters and emails are completely different

MariaVT65 · 27/07/2023 10:52

My friends and i often don’t text back for a while, but it’s not a problem for any of us as we are secure in our friendships. Could that be an issue here?

Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles · 27/07/2023 10:53

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 27/07/2023 10:47

Does she have kids? If my kids are playing games on my phone they swipe away notifications that interrupt them so sometimes i miss them

My friends kids do this Grin...I now know to mssg her during school hours or after the kids bed time.

Theproofofthepudding · 27/07/2023 10:53

I just checked my WhatsApp to see if your friend is me! My phone doesn't notify me of messages (I use messenger more and that works) Maybe your friend assumes Sunday is happening and is happy to confirm nearer the time exact time etc. I've tried all the settings to turn notifications on by the way. I am in the habit now of checking once a day after the last misunderstanding 😳

Ifailed · 27/07/2023 10:54

This is a really weird comment. Everyone knows letters and emails are completely different

Ever wondered where the name 'email' came from?

luckylavender · 27/07/2023 10:54

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:10

We are supposed to be meeting for lunch on Sunday and it's asking what time we are meeting/where we are going so I am questioning if it's still going ahead.

Maybe you could have an actual conversation

Clymene · 27/07/2023 10:56

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 08:30

So I've decided I'm not phoning, why should I call if she can't even text back? She initiated the plans, although I would like to go I have other plans I could make if not.

If I don't hear by the end of today I will take it as not going and plan something else and drift away from this friendship and next time she messages, maybe I'll just ignore.

Does she have form for cancelling? You're meeting for lunch on Sunday. Why do you need to pin down the details on Thursday?

Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 10:57

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 27/07/2023 10:47

Does she have kids? If my kids are playing games on my phone they swipe away notifications that interrupt them so sometimes i miss them

No, she doesn't have children.

OP posts:
Original poster
IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 10:59

Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles · 27/07/2023 10:44

@IWannaShout They are being rude...I've let people go as friends when they have done it to me. I can't be bothered with rudeness anymore. I have asked them if they are ok etc beforehand but if they can't be be bothered to reply then I won't bother putting time and effort into a friendship it works both ways. Life is too short for rude selfish idiots.

I agree, I'm going to let this friendship go I think. I'm fed up of asking if she is okay, sending messages, and being ignored. It is rude and there is no need for it. I have lots of other friends and this friendship is not needed.

OP posts:
M4J4 · 27/07/2023 11:22

I have ADHD and chronic avoidance, it takes me weeks to reply to texts.

Anyone who matters understands.

M4J4 · 27/07/2023 11:23

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 10:59

I agree, I'm going to let this friendship go I think. I'm fed up of asking if she is okay, sending messages, and being ignored. It is rude and there is no need for it. I have lots of other friends and this friendship is not needed.

Show quote history

I think that’s best. Not your job to chase her.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 27/07/2023 11:48

M4J4 · 27/07/2023 11:22

I have ADHD and chronic avoidance, it takes me weeks to reply to texts.

Anyone who matters understands.

I have a wonderful friend who is exactly the same, I totally understand and love her the way she is. Face to face she's a natterer 🤣

Positive41 · 27/07/2023 11:59

It is very rude, even more so as you as supposed to be meeting.

She knows that you know she has seen the message. She doesn't care. Simple as that. If she cared, she would let you know she can't wait to see you on Sunday.

Its a power thing. She is more important that you- according to her.

DottyLottieLou · 27/07/2023 12:50

Maybe you should ask her if she is OK. Ask her if she wants you to book somewhere. We have no idea what people have going on in their lives. She might need a bit of support.

TheCatterall · 27/07/2023 12:56

@IWannaShout what if it turns out she’s just received some bad news or a parents sided etc and her head is all over the place with all the things she needs to do with that let alone general life stuff?

A simple phone call could alleviate all this stressing.

or message her and explain that as you haven’t heard back from her you’ll presume Sunday is off and you’ll make your own plans and hope she’s well etc?

ManateeFair · 27/07/2023 13:43

YABU. Her life doesn't revolve around you. Why would you expect people to do things to suit your needs rather than their own?

People are busy. People are forgetful. People aren't always in the mood for conversation. Just because you feel like talking, that doesn't mean she has to feel like talking too. You're being needy and demanding.

saraclara · 27/07/2023 13:48

ManateeFair · 27/07/2023 13:43

YABU. Her life doesn't revolve around you. Why would you expect people to do things to suit your needs rather than their own?

People are busy. People are forgetful. People aren't always in the mood for conversation. Just because you feel like talking, that doesn't mean she has to feel like talking too. You're being needy and demanding.

OP's friend suggested the meetup. OP isn't being 'needy' or 'demanding' she simply wants the details to be sorted so that she can get on with her life.

She doesn't want to 'talk' she just wants her friend to text confirm that the meet is going ahead and at what time.

Whether forgetful or busy, the friend has now ignored two messages, which is inconsiderate and demonstrates that while her own time is important to her (too important to take a minute to text) she has no regard for OP's time (which could be a whole day wasted)

mangochops · 27/07/2023 14:00

ManateeFair · 27/07/2023 13:43

YABU. Her life doesn't revolve around you. Why would you expect people to do things to suit your needs rather than their own?

People are busy. People are forgetful. People aren't always in the mood for conversation. Just because you feel like talking, that doesn't mean she has to feel like talking too. You're being needy and demanding.

OP doesnt want to just talk aimlessly- the friend was the one who arranged plans and is now ignoring OP and not confirming- did you even read the thread?

Sjh15 · 27/07/2023 14:19

Yes, personally I think it’s rude. In todays day and age people are on their phones constantly. Unless you know for sure she isn’t one of those people

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 15:21

@IWannaShout

I'm going to let this friendship go I think. I'm fed up of asking if she is okay, sending messages, and being ignored. It is rude and there is no need for it. I have lots of other friends and this friendship is not needed.

Then you weren't really friends to begin with.

Dukeydo · 27/07/2023 15:25

IWannaShout · 27/07/2023 07:10

We are supposed to be meeting for lunch on Sunday and it's asking what time we are meeting/where we are going so I am questioning if it's still going ahead.

In this case ring if no answer say you are waiting for a reply about Sunday and can she let you know by this evening - or else you will assume she’s busy. I was supposed to be meeting a friend this morning and said I’d ring first thing to arrange. I did I phoned at 8.30 am and then texted. By 11 am I texted to say I assumed she was busy and I was going to lunch on my own / and I did with a book. She texted and apologies and had got the wrong day, that’s fine but if she does it again then I won’t be organising anything again.

Louloulouenna · 27/07/2023 15:27

I think this is extremely rude, I would also want to know by Thursday what the timings and arrangements are for a Sunday commitment in order to plan for everything else I want to do on Sunday. There’s no excuse for silence, if you’re not sure yet just text to explain that it isn’t finalised and you’ll reply as soon as you have the details.

This thread has confirmed that people use long delays to answering texts as some sort of power play. Surely if you have fragile mental health your friends are really important and so you should treat them with respect.

girlfriend44 · 27/07/2023 15:31

think we need to go back to phoning people much better you get that instant voice to voice contact, i guess they can not answer the phone, but we have become so reliant on messaging.

Yes she was rude. If you had text her and said get back to me ive got a million pounds waiting for you she would be on it like a shot. So it says alot, she is rude and/or not bothered.

girlfriend44 · 27/07/2023 15:33

what if it turns out she’s just received some bad news or a parents sided etc and her head is all over the place with all the things she needs to do with that let alone general life stuff?

peeple are pressing buttons all the time, it dosent take a minute even to explain if you have something going on?

The chances are she is ok, just not bothering. Move ON op dont worry about her.

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 15:35

Or she's lost her phone?