stuck between daughter and husband

[mrspointi]

My daughter is due to give birth in 4 ish weeks. Her fiancé is currently away and is returning days before the due date. Our daughter has asked us to be on call for her while he is away. This weekend dh wants to go to a cinema showing 45 minutes away on Saturday night. My daughter is very upset about this and says the cinema he’s chosen (old style one) is in the opposite direction to the hospital which is already 40 minutes away from her home, and so if she needed us it would be an hour and a half at least before she got to the hospital. I have tried to reassure her that even if she went into labour she probably wouldn’t need to go in straight away especially as it’s her first baby. I’ve also told her she’s more likely to go over the due date than have the baby early. DH has lost his cool with her and thinks she’s not a teenager and in her thirties she could call an ambulance if things were desperate. I’ve suggested to DH we go to the cinema after the birth but then the film he wants to see won’t be on. I know our daughter is being very over the top but I also understand the stress she is under and wonder if we should just accept it for now given how close it is to the birth. If I say that though, DH just despairs and will think we are giving in to silly demands. Would you just stick to the plans and go out as it’s only a few hours?

In response to @AngryGreasedSantaCatcus

The second week of August is potentially 2 weeks away, which makes OP’s DD 38/52 pregnant. It’s not out of the realms of possibility that she might go into labour.
It’s largely irrelevant though, the basic premise is that your DD is scared of the feeling of being “left alone”. Whether she is being rational or not right now, it’s up to you to decide whether you act to comfort her, or whether you do your own thing knowing she’ll probably be ok.

Have to say that’s one of the funniest posts I’ve read on here in a long time. What a gas comedian. 🤣🤣🤣

Not different at all. The distance/availability doesn't change whether you're there for business or leisure.

@HoppingPavlova she’s not 45 mins away. The cinema is 45 mins from OP.. who is 40 mins from DD.
with my first, my water broke and child was born 50 mins later.
OP could be 209 miles away and still say she was ‘on call’… doesn’t mean it’s if any use.
It’s two weeks. Think it’s sad the DD can’t rely on her mum to choose a film over her.

@mrspointi

Why can't your DH go to the cinema without you if it's a movie you aren't dying to see and you feel the need to support your DD? DH and I often go to the cinema on our own if the movie doesn't interest the other. Just the other day I went to see 'Barbie' on my own as DH would rather have chewed glass than see it. Why would we pay for a ticket/snacks for someone to be bored (or in DH's case, take a nap)?

I've seen your updates and still think she's being over the top. It's just a few hours and I'm sure she will be fine. I don't even tell my parents when I'm in labour and have driven myself to hospital multiple times, but I'm stubborn 😂
Obviously if she had signs things are kicking off earlier in the day then you would be completely unreasonable to go. See how she is on the day and play it by ear.

@andthat with my first, my water broke and child was born 50 mins later

But that’s not typical. As I said, my hospital was just over an hour away in the dead of night with zero traffic, so in your situation I would have given birth on the side of the road. Personally, with a few days to go I went to the movies which took me even further away from the hospital (and would have had to detour back for bag). Can something happen, sure, but is it likely, nope.

I knew someone who dropped dead within a week of coming home. Was sudden, they were mid-sentence, holding baby who fell to floor. Embolism. Does this mean that every new mother should have someone looming directly over her with a catchers mitt ready to swoop in and catch the baby in the event this were to happen, because it could happen, because it someone has a story about someone this happened to? Nope, that would be silly, because, while potentially possible it’s outside the law of averages. How about I know a woman who had a baby at 24 weeks. Should every pregnant woman have someone on call minutes away from 24 weeks just in case? Nope, that would be silly, because, while potentially possible it’s outside the law of averages. Similarly, having your parents go to a movie and be 90mins away a few weeks before giving birth to your first is a pretty safe bet.

I don't even tell my parents when I'm in labour and have driven myself to hospital multiple times

I never drove myself but for subsequent ones after the first, on going into labour (always commenced with waters breaking spectacularly like on tv), I would ring DH who was at work. While he wrapped up and drove home (roughly an hour), I would get stuff together for older ones, bundle them into car and drive them to childminder pre organised for when this happened, then go home, meet up with DH, load my bag into car and set off. All that faff would have taken a good 90mins before even setting off to hospital. If it just had of been labour starting without the waterworks spectacular we would have had far more time rather than ‘the rush’ we had. It seems many people would have had their DH sitting at arms length twiddling their thumbs for weeks, with kids camped permanently at a child minder in the event of a sudden labour with baby appearing 30mins later because that once happened to their neighbours, cousins, friends daughter.

with my first, my water broke and child was born 50 mins later.

So a pregnant woman should always have someone half an hour away who is available to drop everything and drive her to hospital? Surely that just isn't what most people do? Partners could easily work further away than that.
It's not practical to plan for "I might go into labour and have my baby 30 mins later, so I need to always have someone that close."

I agree it would be sad. But I'm hoping that the OP is going to tell us she's decided not to go to the film (and DH will leave her the car if they only have one). Most people about to be grandparents would feel privileged to feel this wanted at such an important time.

It's a pretty normal expectation for grandparents to be on a rota to help with births, whether it's covering while DP is away (first child) or to come to look after older siblings during labour. And yes they need to be sober and within a reasonable distance when "on call". By reasonable distance - I would say no further away than they normally are.

@mrspointi (and her DH) need to think about whether they want their daughter to feel she can rely on them in future. And if they do, then they should compromise on this one. Maybe they could go round and visit their daughter (who will be on her own at home) instead and watch a different film with her? I'm sure she'd appreciate the company and it would be a good compromise in the situation