stuck between daughter and husband

[mrspointi]

My daughter is due to give birth in 4 ish weeks. Her fiancé is currently away and is returning days before the due date. Our daughter has asked us to be on call for her while he is away. This weekend dh wants to go to a cinema showing 45 minutes away on Saturday night. My daughter is very upset about this and says the cinema he’s chosen (old style one) is in the opposite direction to the hospital which is already 40 minutes away from her home, and so if she needed us it would be an hour and a half at least before she got to the hospital. I have tried to reassure her that even if she went into labour she probably wouldn’t need to go in straight away especially as it’s her first baby. I’ve also told her she’s more likely to go over the due date than have the baby early. DH has lost his cool with her and thinks she’s not a teenager and in her thirties she could call an ambulance if things were desperate. I’ve suggested to DH we go to the cinema after the birth but then the film he wants to see won’t be on. I know our daughter is being very over the top but I also understand the stress she is under and wonder if we should just accept it for now given how close it is to the birth. If I say that though, DH just despairs and will think we are giving in to silly demands. Would you just stick to the plans and go out as it’s only a few hours?

So she's due in two weeks, not four?

She's a nutter god love her. Maybe suggest she has a friend over that night if she needs back up. Have your phone on you in the cinema. I made some mad requests of my parents when I was pregnant and they govern kindly and gently told me to cop on (sometimes) and sometimes they'd pander to me. Also don't mention ambulances, worst comes to worst she can get a taxi.

It could be a week after the due date. She can't expect you to sit in the house for 5 weeks.

Tell her to make sure she has emergency taxi money in her purse.

Go to the cinema. If she goes into labour, she can call a taxi - ambulances are unreliable - the nhs is dead.

I'm empathetic to her worries but they are just worries and not reality.

Talk about a drip feed- 2nd week of august is 2 weeks away, not 4. So if you're going this weekend she's what about a week and a half from her due date at that point.

I could understand if it were a week or even two weeks before due date with no DH around. But 4 weeks away she can relax. Of course people go into labour early sometimes but that’s every unlikely to happen. Likewise, some people have very quick first labours, but most are slow. My DP still went to work all day (with strict instructions to have his phone on him at all times) even though I had gone into labour during the night. It was progressing so slowly.
Go to the cinema. Enjoy. She can’t dictate your every move for the next four weeks.

Really depends on wether she’s 2 or 4 weeks away from her due date as you’ve said both!

Oh give over! She's heavily pregnant, without her Dh and nervous about labour because she's never done it before. Have a bit of kindness.

Has she absolutely no one else who can come over and keep her company if he's that anxious?

Yes she's anxious so I understand wh you're trying to be kind, but you can't spend the next month telling her your every move for her to approve.

The odds of her needing you are very low. Especially urgently! But your husband should have more empathy. What is their relationship normally like?

I think your DH is right tbh - are you both expected to do nothing for the next few weeks whilst she "might" go into labour?

To me being on standby means you'd leave the film if she rang, not that you're contained to a several mile radius of her.

Bloody hell is she really expecting you to stay at home, or at least not drive in the wrong direction, for four weeks? She's being ridiculous. What does she think single mums do? I'm with your dh on this and you willingness to placate her suggests she's used to getting her way. Tell her you'll stay at home then go to the cinema anyway.

I think going out for the length of a film is fine, 4 weeks before her due date. Some women work right up until they give birth! Is she not leaving the house then for the next month? Supposing you or your dh had to go somewhere an hour from home - are you not allowed to do that?
She is holding you prisoner and I would be pissed off. Perhaps compromise and say that when she only has 2 weeks left, you’ll limit what you do.

I went in for reduced movement at this stage. Two ladies in my antenatal group had their babies by 2 weeks before due dates!

Why is your DH not being kinder?
Why not go to a closer cinema, or take her along, or go on his own?
Why is he engineering it to be SO stressful for her about 1 and a half weeks away from her first birth when he usual support is unavailable?

Does she have form for being a prima Donna?
Is he usually this unkind?

Minimizing her worries a week and a half before birth when an NHS ambulance wouldn't come for hours is so horrible of you/him.

Am I getting this wrong, you said 4 weeks but if it's this weekend and it's 2nd week of August .. not adding up?

To be fair a lot of women work right up to 38 weeks sometimes they work past that (certainly in my group of friends)

All seems a bit over the top but your daughter is heavily pregnant with her partner away and she sounds very anxious about it all (completely understandable), I may concede on this one and stay home while your dh goes to the cinema. Whilst anything is unlikely to happen I would probably want to support my daughter at a time like this.

I mean logically, some people's commutes are two hours. People work and have commitments. And partners don't start paternity until the baby is here, so it's very common for a woman's birth support system to not be 10 minutes away at all times for the month leading up to the pregnancy. Of course you should go, keep your phone on you. She just needs reassurance that you'll jump straight in the car if she does need you.

I would go to the cinema, but one closer to her. If dh doesn’t like it he can go by himself. Is dh her father? People aren’t joking when they say an ambulance won’t come. Have a baby is a low priority, an ambulance won’t come and take her to hospital.

Does it? whether it is 2 weeks or 4 I don't think 3 hours in a cinema is anything to be worried about. As other posters have said life goes on you can't sit and wait at home until she goes into labour. She sounds very anxious and I think her fiancé being away is the main reason for that because she is home alone but she needs to try and stay calm and rational. Could she come stay with you while her fiancé is away that might help so she isn't home alone particularly at night. Either way go to the cinema

I was on the fence on this one - but on balance given due date is closer than originally said I’d either choose a cinema close to her house or not go.

@electriclight not sure what the comment about single mums means? She IS a de facto single mum for a few weeks and so has asked her parents to be on stand by. Which is what I imagine a single mum wound do - or have friends do it etc.

I can't figure out which way the vote is set up but I think you should skip the Cinema

Why doesn't your DD just come to the cinema with you.

Just don’t tell your daughter your movements but have the phone on.

I know the likelihood of that happening are very slim and she is being a bit over the top but I actually totally get why she is being like that. It's her first baby, she already feels vulnerable and a bit scared. Her DH is going to be away and she wants her mum to be available if she needs her. It's disproportionate but it's also understandable. She's probably (a bit hysterically) thinking "why can't my mum skip the cinema this one time given I'm just about to have my first baby". I think your husband is being a bit mean to be honest. Is she always a bit like this or is this more likely just to be her panicking a bit before the birth?

An ambulance wouldn't be readily available if she goes into labour or needs monitoring though. Where I am (rural) most taxi firms don't do 24hr service unless booked days in advance, and paid for. No neighbours, just backing onto farmland.

In my situation if DH was away and you did this I'd be screwed on my own.

If you live in the middle of a city with neighbours and taxis you're in a different world, so that is important context too