To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

Yes, definitely true. My weight fluctuates and I have noticed this. I am currently in a v heavy phase and it has made me realise I need to really showcase my personality to be respected and liked, whereas people warmed to me much more easily when I was slim.

Humans are very shallow creatures. We are much more driven by appearance than we like to admit.

It's almost always been the same in my personal experience. Sad thing is, at my most ideal weight I was very very sick and for various reasons it can only be kept up with a dangerous eating disorder and severe personal neglect, for me. People had no idea I was so ill and just spurred me on all the time saying how much better I looked. As an obese person I'm so invisible to people now unless they're in health care telling me everything is my weight despite my weight happening so many years after my problems began.

It’s absolutely true, as a long term tubster I can confirm that people treat you poorly if you’re fat. It’s shit.

It's evolution in action. Being obese is super super bad news for your health and subconsciously all humans recognise this.

So true. You don’t exist as a romantic prospect unless you’re super good looking.

I’ve been quite fat, and was not treated differently.

I felt shit about myself though.

I took up weight training, and did calorie deficit, I’m still sturdy, but confident.

I think it’s about how you feel @Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo

In fact everyone has the same innate unconcious distaste for extremes of weight the other way, its just being fat seems to be the new "normal" in the uk so you probably notice it more. Particularly if you're fat yourself

That's not true at all, is it? You're saying that every loved-up couple you see are all "super good looking?" That's not even remotely true.

Best thing is to adjust your diet and move about more, get your body healthy

Never been asked if pregnant despite Fat (famous last words) lol. My GP probably wouldn’t have a go at fatness, bare in mind they don’t care for anything else. I have never been told by my surgery I’m fat. Didn’t have a well woman check at 40.

On a support group do slim skinny women with fibroids simply push their stomach out??

This is 100% a thing. I have been a size 22 and a 12 in the last 10 years. I have started to get bigger again and already people are less friendly, less tiny "perks" (e.g. someone helping with pushchair or giving me student discount when I have forgotten my NUS card) which all add up. If my kids are acting up in public I get more glares and fewer "we've all been there" friendly comments. Friends who've always been slim find it very hard to believe but it's definitely true

Yep. It's the family that hurts the most! My mum has no respect for me when I am bigger, whereas slim she values me 🙃

Seriously, you should write a book or something - get this news out there!

Who asked you? Anyone who has tried to lose weight, plus science, says it isn't that simple.

Also historically and culturally untrue. In food scarcity and historically fatness if often a sign of wealth and attractiveness. You chat a lot of shit don't you!

Yep, absolutely I have been treated differently at different weights. When I'm bigger, people seem very surprised that I'm well educated, as if the increasing number of fat cells in my body push out the brain cells! Somehow, when I'm slim, my intelligence seems far more accepted.

Absolutely. Peoples behaviour changes with every stone.
Men I can unfortunately understand but women are surprising. The slimmer I am the nicer they are to me. Like I'm a "somebody"

I'm exactly the same person..

I agree with @SilverDrawer. There are definitely people out there that judge a book by its cover and I totally get what you are saying OP, it does happen for many of the reasons cited already. However, it also has to do with your own internal bias. When someone is less comfortable about themselves they are more likely to notice negative responses from others and misinterpret those responses to fit how they already feel about themselves (and also dismiss the positive or neutral experiences). It is confirmation bias and it can become a vicious cycle because we alter our behaviour as a result and it’s often this people are responding to. I know it’s has definitely been true for me.

It's horrendous how shallow so many people can be.

I remember a thread from ages ago, where the poster described herself as overweight, worked in IT and was called out to fix a really challenging problem, which she did perfectly but it took a lot of dedicated work and expertise.

A few years later, now having lost a lot of weight, she was called out by the same person and it turned out to be a very simple issue this time, but (iirc), she was having 'one of those days' and ended up faffing, taking a while to focus and not covering herself in glory, albeit managing to fix the issue OK in the end.

The customer told her how amazing she was at her job and nothing like the 'stupid woman' who had come out the last time he'd had an IT issue that needed a call-out and had done a really rubbish, amateurish job

Yep.

Been every size from an 8 to a 22 over the past 20 years. Always get more attention from both sexes when I am slim.

Actually, although I am currently an 8, I feel that I am more attractive with more weight on me but it seems that slim=attractive whether or not the person actually is conventionally attractive. My face looks much much better with more fat on it (i have a wide body frame so look gaunt and older when I am thin) but I still get more pick up attempts, more women being friendly....its weird and ridiculous.

And before anyone asks, no I cannot currently gain any weight due to illness, I would love to be a 10/12 as it suits me better.

Yep! I used to be size 6, now size 22 due to prescribed Steroids. Night & day difference. Now I'm spoken to like I'm mentally challenged by some people!

Yet the men you'll see looking with disgust at obese women, usually have beer bellies etc. Let's not pretend that for some men, women are surplus to requirements if they aren't decorative. Likewise smokers who judge fat people.

It’s true (my adult weight according to bmi has varied between middle ‘ok’ to top ‘overweight’ and I prefer the more inconspicuous fatter version of going through life. In my teens and early 20s I was very attractive. Stopped in the street kind of attractive. Yes absolutely there were benefits of this. But my looks defined me to others and it would be the first and only thing anyone commented on if they were describing me. I’d also have random men very persistently chatting me up all the time, eg getting pestered on a night out with female friends was the norm. I had several male friendships where they turned round said they wanted a relationship or tried to kiss me (felt very demeaning - like they’d only ever been interested in sex when I thought they’d liked spending time with me for me). Once I put on weight I was allowed to have a personality and I felt more secure that the connections I made were genuine.

Im older now and not particularly attractive anyway and have the middle aged invisible woman syndrome and I love it. People that I care about see me, anyone else I don’t care about.

I'm pretty sure OP did not start this thread for weight loss advice! 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄 - a perfect example of another regular issue! You mention or even just refer to your weight and along comes the unsolicited dieting/weight loss advice!