To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

@BlossomCloud Jesus wept.. in what context did someone declare you weren't a gym goer!? Rude person

I think it’s because the diet industry has made body size a moral issue. And the industry itself needs us to fail - if everyone managed to stay slim the industry collapses. At the same time we have essentially addictive foods being marketed at us and essentially being the focus of many social activities.

So we end up in this weird dichotomy. We should ‘work’ at being thin, we need to be ‘good’ and stick to our diet to get and stay slim. And if we can’t we’re ‘bad people. But also worrying about your shape is vapid vanity, people who diet are boring and can’t just enjoy a spontaneous meal/snack/treat. And obviously it’s rude to ever refuse food but also rude to ask for dietary accommodations.

So, to avoid moral judgement, we need to enjoy food, join all social occasions and not worry about what we eat but also ensure we don’t gain weight even through disability or illness.

Nah, it's dickheadery in action.

HTH 😊

But we are drawn to people who mirror ourselves so of course slim people would gravitate away from you and toward other slim people.

Wait, is it normalised or not? If people are being treated badly because of their weight then it isn’t being normalised is it? That’s the definition of stigmatised.

I've gone from a size 8 to a size 20 and yes, I am treated differently now. There's a sort of condescension when people speak to me that wasn't there before. People have shouted things at me in the street ('oi fat cunt' from a car for example).

It's shit.

The point is that many people think it’s right that fat people should be treated badly. Because otherwise how will they have any incentive to lose weight, and that is considered the MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL. Never let a fat person forget they are fat and that that is a bad thing, it is extremely dangerous.

of course, that attitude just creates more fat and fatter people. So it doesn’t work.

In a work meeting, astonishingly. Something to do with who would be best placed to sit on an advisory group. I nearly stayed quiet then I realised I needed to call them out on their prejudices.

This is exactly why I don't believe in the theory of evolution.

Of course fat people are treated differently. The problem is that slim people have no idea until they get fat!
For those of us that have been overweight since childhood it doesn't hit so hard as we are used to being ignored if we are lucky or being on the receiving end of unwanted comments if we are unlucky.
I was reading a thread the other day that pointed out that men would approach a fat woman for sex as they felt they had a better chance of success, because the fat woman would be desperate and take any man that would have her. I think there are discussions and tips on reddit about how to go about picking up a fatty.
It's shocking and it made me question every encounter with a man that I have ever had.

I mean,.imagine if this thread was about race or gender instead. I can't see people falling over themselves to justify why they treat people of a different race or gender differently.

It’s definitely a thing. I’ve experienced it too. People will try to claim it’s just because you’re more confident when you are thinner and people respond differently to that, but this is a crock of shit. People are arseholes to fat people.

It's not that we're shallow - it's not a conscious thing. But we do treat beautiful people differently. Subconsciously

@BlossomCloud Well done for speaking out, this is how ignorant people learn. Don't stop!

I totally agree I've recently gone from size 20 and invisible to size 8 and suddenly visible, people smile at me and make conversation.

Crazy, I'm still the same person.

@Needanewnamebeingwatched teach me 😫😫😫 I’m 22/24 and can’t cope anymore.

What I noticed when I was size 16/18 and slightly tipped into the obese zone for BMI, was that people's perception of me seemed to be that I was in their way more, or that I was even bigger than I was. So many times I'd be standing looking at something in a shop and someone would say "Excuse me!" (or just barge into me) and I'd look behind me and you could have practically driven a bus down the aisle, and they could have easily got past without my needing to move at all.

There is really not that much difference in terms of how much space in the world I am taking up now at size 12/14 and it never happens.

Exactly. It was probably once 'normal' to smoke (in that most adults did), it doesn't mean it was a good idea, though. Of course overweight people shouldn't be stigmatised or treated less well than others but being overweight is bad for you. Pretending otherwise is not helpful, assuming most people want to live as long as possible in good health.

And yet fat shaming doesn't work either @Ibetthatyoulookgoodon or there wouldn't be so much obesity.

But it does give you the moral high ground so good for you!

But it being average for decades means it is "normal" now, not always healthy but I guess the meaning of the word normal would fit.

Smoking has been demonised but I just don't think eating will ever go the same way, we all have to do it, we will always get bigger until they ban junk food, which will never happen.

This is interesting- I used to be a ‘perfect’ size 8 (as in still had boobs/bum but totally flat stomach, very very toned etc), and I found women much bitchier. Had a lot of comments implying I was stuck up/vain/didn’t understand the difficulty of ‘normal women’. Possibly more men noticed me but I’m a dyke, so I didn’t notice if they did- definitely no women chatted me up though.

Im a size 22 now with a big stomach and I find there is much more of an ‘all in it together’, female sisterhood and camaraderie, even from very slim women. All the comments about my nature have stopped and I’m the same person!

I always put that down to if you are conventionally attractive- ie slim and pretty, other women see you as competition and try and take you down a peg or two whereas when you are fat no one thinks that?

You just want to be allowed to mistreat people on account of their size. Don't pretend to be concerned about their health.

You had absolutely no need to be concerned about my health when I was obese, I still had low blood pressure, could run five miles, my cholesterol and blood sugar was perfect and my resting heart rate was 46.

And it's a lot easier to lose weight than change personality. I'd be worrying about that, not other people's health if I were you, mate.

Ready for this? Take a deep breath.

You are the only person who sees your weight as a reason or excuse why people don't respect you.

Other people don't care about your weight, looks. How they treat and respect you depends entirely on how you act, speak to them, behave, what you DO, how you carry yourself.

Respect is earned. That's the only way to get it. It's not a freebie universal entitlement.

Winston Churchill was as fat as apig. Me too.

I totally see that happens too, weird how we can have such different experiences. Women were generally fawning over me when I was slimmer. Both slim and fat women

As someone who has been very different weights, the difference in treatment is stark.. I'm slim now and just inwardly roll my eyes at the different treatment, it feels so fake as it wasn't based on them being genuinely good human beings. As a good person is kind to all.

I agree apart from the kids I teach. They seem to respect me more now I am more matronly.

I do feel people judge though. My friend has lost 8 stone. People thought he was lazt at work. Now people are saying he has changed. He does exactly the same as before. It is just perception.