To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

They don’t have to. I’m just adding another perspective that’s all. I’m not trying to personally upset anyone that’s why I’m saying not to take what I say personally. I’m not an emotional person so I’m sorry if I came off aloof

Not at all

Stop trying to read between the lines. I’m fat myself lol

Not at all. Humans are shit and it’s just the unfortunate truth

Humans are shit. It’s that simple

Yeah I can't stand this excuse for basic male behaviour usually.

It is actually helpful. It might not feel it, but it's still the truth. If she is genuinely treated less well while overweight. Then there are two possible ways that could be better. One is to change yourself, the other is to change the attitudes of a large amount of other people. One is possible, the other isn't.

Changing yourself isn't easy but it's possible. Completely changing the attitudes and behaviours of even one other person is nearly impossible, even for spouses, close family, patients,etc. Doing so for a significant amount of strangers just isn't going to happen.

You can change yourself in different ways. Either lose the weight and hope it changes how people treat you. Or change your reaction to how people treat you and learn not to let it bother you. Neither is particularly easy but both have benefits.

Well kind of, but it depends on what you think the point of the thread is. If it’s to solve the OP’s problem then maybe you’re right, but still “lose weight” is only one of the options. You’ve outlined another different one.

the actual question in the OP is “AIBU to find it upsetting to be treated badly when I’m fat”, and no, that’s not unreasonable, though clearly some people think it’s right and proper that she should be treated badly and her feeling upset is part of the point of that. I don’t know that the OP asked for solutions as you have outlined - and they are a bit obvious, you must think the OP is a bit daft if she hasn’t considered them. Maybe she just wants to talk about it.

Go on then. Explain to me how I should go about 'changing myself' to make myself palatable to others. Explain how I should learn to be cool with having 'fat cunt' shouted at me from passing cars.

I agree op. I'm obese and disabled. My weight fluctuates too. When i'm in my wheelchair I am so invisible. People just don't see me/acknowledge me. It's very very lonely 🙁

Helloooo , I really hope you remain fit and well throughout your life; may you never suffer any illness’s requiring steroids and the like.What would you rather have ? Increased weight or an early death?
Fool

I could have written this. I've been a size 10 and I'm now a size 20. Generally speaking, I felt the world was much friendlier when I was slim. That's not just men finding me attractive, it's women too.
At my current size I feel I am either ignored or comments made about my size. I envy women that carry weight well. I am quite pretty when slim and ugly when overweight. I actually look quite masculine. It really gets me down and I wonder how I have eaten my way to this size.

I’ve seen this myself when I went up to size 12/14 from a size 8/10.

But - and I really don’t mean this in a horrible way - it is obvious to me that people would react like that. From an evolutionary perspective people want to find mates or are fearful of the alpha - and everything is biologically hardwired towards that.

so women need to look fertile to be respected - voluptuous and fit is fine, but more unfortunately is looked down upon.

and the same goes with men - fit and strong is preferred.

personally I don’t feel myself at all when I carry extra weight as I don’t like how the world sees me - I would love us to try and change the world but honestly I don’t think we can - it’s the reptile brain that can’t be tamed.

12/14 isn't anywhere close to being big though, so can't imagine how people would treat you differently?
Size 16 has been average for a long time so you are slimmer than that

I thought it would just be if someone appears obese and far bigger than average, like when I had a brief time being 20 stone. I lost allthe weight and got to a size 12 which I've always been before and after, and everyone (wrongly) treats me great, get chatted up, people go out of their way for me, respect etc

so I think it’s less about the size and more about the figure. I don’t carry my weight well - I’ve lost any remnant of an hourglass figure and a lot of it is on my waist and tum my.

my friend is a perfect size 12 and looks perfect - and can wear anything

There can be a huge difference.

I have a small frame and small features and just can’t carry weight at all, I feel chubby and shapeless at a 12 and have a really obvious “spare tyre”.

I have always been regarded as beautiful/stunning when at a lower weight (size 6/8 ideally, 10 absolute max) but if I go to up to a size 12/14 then the way I look and the way I am treated is very different indeed. The world actually seems like a different place.

It was quite disorienting the first time it happened and it took me a while to actually figure out what was going on 😂 I’d gained weight during pregnancy - I lost it slowly and there was a particular weight where the world seems to change again and people were ever so kind and helpful (it certainly isn’t just men either, women behave completely differently and even children, as a previous poster commented). The same thing has happened every time I have gained and lost weight throughout my life.

I spent most of the first part of my life being “naturally slim”, so I had no idea about anything of this until I got bigger. I thought the world was just full of kind and very nice people who wanted to help me with things and who gave me things for free.

@Namechangedforthis25 Thanks for explaining!

@HumptyHouse Thanks to you too, I understand now. You're right we can all look so different at any size. When I was 20 stone I still had cheekbones and bony wrists, at size 12 11/12 stone my hips are jutting out and been told my face looks like a skull (lovely 😂) I look gangly.

It's awful isn't it how different we get treated at weights we look clearly overweight at, it's disconcerting.. I was the same person. At my bigger weight I'm treated like I'm thick and not worthy of good service and respect, not spoken to often by strangers etc. I don't do it myself, everyone is equal to me and my kindness is based on how they come across.

It does really depend on how you carry your weight. I'm 5 foot 1 but didn't find anyone treated me differently when I was a size 14-16 which is heavy for my height, my bmi was 30. I still had a waist, cheekbones and dressed as well as I could. Boobs didn't sag. I don't exercise loads but I walk a lot and probably have some muscle memory from working out before. I'm a 10-12 at the moment but hoping to get back to an 8-10 after pregnancy.