To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

I was always slim, great figure until I hit 60,, now I just feel invisible.

Definitely treated more dismissively. I wonder if it's only women

Yes of course this is true - sadly to me very obviously true

the world won’t become less shallow just because it seems unfair because people are attracted to what they are attracted to (down to evolution)

I genuinely have never experienced this. I’ve been a size 12, currently a size 18. Haven’t noticed anything different at all, ever 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve been a size 6 to a size 18 (currently 18) and haven’t noticed any difference in how I’m treated except for men not looking at me anymore which I don’t care about. When I was young I was very attractive but very shy and awkward and probably vulnerable-looking, and used to get a lot of attention from men on the street and driving by which I hated. As I’ve got older I’ve become much more relaxed and at ease with myself and don’t give a fuck what people think of the way I look.

However I noticed something really surprising the other day. I never usually wear sunglasses as I only own one pair and they are usually mislaid somewhere in the house, but I wore them for the school run and noticed that actually men were looking at me, and not with disgust either but with appreciation! (I can tell the difference) I can only surmise from this that I am actually still gorgeous but that it’s my intimidating resting bitch face that normally prevents them from openly staring at me, and when I’m wearing sunglasses they can’t see that I can see them looking.

It's partly because your personality changes when you're fat. You become more self effacing and less outgoing. When I'm slim I'll get up on the dancefloor and throw some moves, but if I've put weight on I'll stay sat down and not want to draw attention to myself.

I've been a petite size 10 all my life, I hit 45 and have piled the weight on, I'm now a large 16 (but short so it really shows), I'm absolutely gobsmacked at how invisible I am now, and how poorly people treat me compared to when I was slim. It's pretty awful actually that the way I look has such a huge impact on how I'm viewed as a person.

There are a lot of shallow people who see obesity as recklessness or laziness. Most people are indifferent though or compassionate. Ultimately it's down to how you feel about yourself. If it's getting you down, take control.

How tall are you op?
I'm a size 16 atm and I can't say I'm treated badly because of it- but I do seem to carry weight 'well' and I'm fairly tall so I don't look obviously 'fat'.
I might not get gawped at or catcalled any more which is a bonus but I also think that's partly age and covering up more as I'm bigger and older.

I think it's about self confidence- those of you who fluctuate feel like shut when they're fat, and people pick up on that, and aren't drawn to your negativity. I am a life long fatty, but very confident, and people treat me with respect - I even have a husband and friends!

Evolutionary it’s true… why would you biologically/inherently choose an unhealthy mate? It doesn’t happen in the animal kingdom.

Culturally/brief historically you are right… fat meant wealth as you knew were
your next meal was coming from. Peasants were thin, malnourished and poor.

Bit what does fat mean nowadays?

Yanbu.

The most compliments I ever got was when I was anorexic! (Size 4-6). Even then, in the depths of anorexia triggered by trauma, I was appalled at how positively my body was viewed

I spent most of my teens and adult life (till late 30s) a size 8.

I gradually gained weight for a few years on antidepressants, and then was diagnosed with a condition that required heavy steroids and my weight ballooned in 6 months, by this spring with the moon face from steroids too I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror. I could live with that, I'm not vain, but the shock was how the outside world treated me.

I'm still the same person I was when I was slim, I'm nicer perhaps thanks to everything I have learned about disability . Yet I am treated with disgust and disdain by many.

I'm losing the weight rapidly now I am off the steroids but I will never forget how that felt.

(And I will never forget the people who gave me unsolicited diet or health advice -i love fitness and eating healthily. My new meds cause hairloss instead of weight gain, I imagine that won't be seen as my fault)

Very much a thing.

I've worked with someone for years, and in the last 18 months lost 5 stone. So now we've gone from work friends to friends to...well, I could be having an affair right now if I decided to.

He puts his hands on me now, unnecessarily. But goddamn it if craven formerly-fat me doesn't like it.

I disagree. This is what I’ve been told throughout my life, but it doesn’t ring true at all and always strikes me as patronising.

I’ve been fat and thin, I’ve been miserable and happy, when fat I’m treated worse even when I’m happy and confident. It doesn’t bother me - it’s quite a useful filter to weed out people who see fatness as a barrier to being a friend or being interesting. I don’t want to know people who are so shallow that they’d judge a person by these standards.

I feel for you, steroids have made me look like an entirely different person and it's shocking how I am treated now.

I particularly hate the constant unsolicited diet and health advice.

"Luckily" for me the steroids made me really unwell so I am tapering off them, and the water retention is going (my moonface was savage) and my weight is dropping . But I will always feel solidarity for people on steroids now.

Not sure if I buy into this. I was fat and now I'm not, I don't think anyone treats me differently but how I interact with people is because I'm more confident in my own skin.

Yeah seen those ancient statues of fertility goddesses. By todays standards they would be morbidly obese.

To the 'its all in your head' 'you change because you are fat and people pick up on that' its total BS. I've seen it done with just photos.

Many years ago I was invited as part of a business training rotation to observe a interview panel. It was during the era when applicants had photo head shots. The panel (white male) with seemingly unconscious bias filtered out the two obvious larger ladies.....then the women of colour..... then names that didn't sound British.

In that order.

When challenged on this by me they immediately went to rational and thought out responses why they made the choices they made. Made it sound totally reasonable. I pushed harder and they fell back on arguing expertise and skills but it was pointed out that they ended up with a white all male selected pool when in every. single. case. the women had both more experience and more of the desired skill set - Clearly the absolute best matches were one of the larger ladies and a Indian lady.

They absolutely argued that they hadn't had any bias in their selection. In the end to shut me up (I was being professional but clearly communicated my irritation) they invited the two ladies for interview, but mostly the men (not the same panel) and both ended up being offered jobs because they were exceptional.

* I imagine this would not have flown at all* and i would have been shrugged off as 'we know better little girl' if i wasn't in the middle of a rotation with the very respected CEO and he had walked me in the room and told them he was 'really enjoying my keen insights' in to the business and wanted them 'them to share everything with me and treat me as if i was him'

Now i'm not stupid enough to think size was the only bias at play here, but I saw this play out a number of times.

@ThetollofTime I agree.

Not least because my confidence was at its lowest when I was at my slimmest, and actually although I am incredibly large right now I am also very successful professionally (although was appointed to the post when much slimmer...) And very happy in my family life, so my confidence is the best it has ever been

But people don't like to own their prejudices

Not my experience at all. I'm currently a size 16 and have been slim in the past.

People don't treat me disrespectfully or look down on me.

Potentially a bit less catcalling, but I'm fine with that.

Part of it might be that when you're overweight you feel less confident so are projecting yourself differently to others. If you already look defensive and on the lookout for poor treatment, maybe people stay away more because they sense it? And if you're not feeling good about yourself, you probably smile less and seem less approachable and friendly.

Nope. Lots of us have explained that's not the case.

This. I think there's so many of us fatties around, that people just don't find it abnormal anymore 😂

Agree

If obesity were desirable someone would be making money out of it.

Slim people would be on here asking how to become morbidly overweight because apparently it’s great

At heart we know it’s not something most people like. Yet because we have lost the war and most adults are overweight we had better quickly pretend it’s not only normal but intentional

Ie gaslighting bullshit - and increasingly we are through the looking glass on this where it’s becoming something you’re not allowed to talk about

What infuriates me is the assumption that overweight people are lazy and greedy. Only last week there was a thread on Chat about people eating small amounts and a poster said something about having the self control to stay slim rather than choosing to eat a third packet of crisps. Upthread we've had 'move about more'
. Some people are offensively clueless.