To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

I become invisible the bigger I am
thankfully it’s not translated to my working life where I have always felt respected thin or fat

Go fill your body with a heavy dose of steroids for a year then come back and update me.

You can’t just go around saying “oh it only exists in your mind” whilst also just making shit up. There is research linked on the thread showing that the poor treatment of fat people is real and not in people’s minds. You’ve just got some opinion you can’t justify - it just exists in your mind…

Plenty of people manage to be slim without doing so, but sure.

Okay

Oh bless you

I still find it curious that anorexics are treated with such compassion and understanding (and indeed I often got praised and complimented as an anorexic) yet overeating which is really just a different type of eating disorder with many of the same origins (trauma , depression...) Is treated with such disdain.

The very overweight people I know are amazing people who have often experienced huge trauma or suffering in their lives.

I think a lot of people don't buy into the idea that weight is out of your control. If you eat well and move enough - bar illness / disability - you'll lose weight. So being fat is seen as a sign of laziness / indulgence / a lack of self respect, as well as being unhealthy and often physically unattractive.

Extreme self control is seen as more worthy than extreme gluttony

Yes my disability and the medication I'm on that conspire to make me a size 20 truly are luxuries

How is that relevant to this thread?

Exactly. Presumably the baldness from my new medication is also a luxury ?

Exactly. I basically had a flare up of binge eating disorder as I was triggered from various past memories during lockdown so was back to gorging on food. That combined with the inactivity caused by stress induced insomnia during lockdown which made me too tired to go out for even a walk let alone made me increase in weight.

Losing over half of 3.5 stone I had to lose is a proud achievement for me because it’s not as simple as eat less move more for some of us who are literally self-medicating through food.

Most of the plus sized influencers I follow online actively go the gym and less active lifestyles. If anything those are the ones who encouraged me to go to the gym and to keep living and being happy while losing weight, moreso than the online trolls who aggressively criticise the plus sized influencers weight under each of their social media posts.

I'm so sorry.

I used to be anorexic. It's not a more virtuous eating disorder than yours. It's just a different manifestation of mental illness that involves food. Both sorted by tackling the root causes, not by judgement from pious strangers who use berating others to feel better about their own insecurities.

Personally no but unfortunately that’s what people do and it’s most likely to assert their social ranking which is the same as apes do. Also because it’s pushed so by the media. Villains in movies are either too skinny, too fat or have a disability. It isn’t fair but it is what it is. Don’t take what I said personally

Attraction doesn’t just mean finding a partner, have an open mind please and don’t take things so personally

Thank you.

Yes, that’s it -resolving eating disorders whether it’s binge eating or anorexia etc require delving into some deep issues, not people making you feel even worse which if anything will aggravate the condition.

What is particularly telling is how so many fat people report instances of being laughed at or heckled when out running or at the gym. There is no way you can convince me these strangers are genuinely concerned for the persons health. It is, as you say, to punch down and make themselves feel better.

Not to mention the dismissive manner in which many medical professional treats overweight people when they’re literally seeking help for their health.

Yes studies have shown time and time again that we judge people on appearances.
We might not want it to be true but it is.
I assume it’s some sort of hangover from when we lived in caves; you had two seconds to decide if someone was from your ‘tribe’ or risk getting killed.

If people object to what you say it’s not them “taking it personally”

There’s been a lot of “it is what it is”. Why should people accept poor treatment and discriminatory portrayals in films?

We aren't apes @Madamebutterfly97 . Why would people want to defend bad behaviour by pretending humans can only act in accordance with primitive instincts and that we can't strive for anything better?

The point is we have created societies and civilisations, our brains have grown and we are not our ancestors; there are many behaviours which might be instinctive that we observe in the animal kingdom which we have evolved out of. There is a lizard brain explanation for some bodily responses like fight/flight/freeze/fawn but it's very lazy to just announce everything we feel like doing (bullying fat people apparently!) is just cavemanan impulse we can never overcome. We have awareness, we have understanding and we are not apes or cavemen anymore. Many things a Neanderthal might have done are no longer acceptable in modern society, so let's not excuse our worst and cruellest impulses by claiming we can't help it. We can.

I mean, I like to think my brain is somewhat more evolved than an apes brain, but is becoming apparent from this thread that some people are keen to brag about their lack of intellect

Oh I'm not taking it personally. If anything i find it amusing how keen you are to boast that you have very primitive way of interacting with the world.

My weight gain was brief -due to medicine- and I was thin most of my life and am getting back to that figure again swiftly. But it taught me so much about the world. There are people are just as kind and compassionate when you are fat, which tells me all these "ape brain" excuses say more about the people making them than anything else

It’s not my way of thinking personally, I’m just giving another perspective. I’m not trying to hurt anyone so I’m sorry if I did