Sisters in law

[Facing40andfrazzled]

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

Can I ask what you mean by this please and your previous comment as well

Tell us more about the 5 hen parties first.

I'd just tell her to find a new location. You don't want your lovely house and garden taking attention away from A.

She had 5 hen parties/ bridal showers ….one in London, 1 in our home town, 1 in her home town … one bridal shower thrown by my in laws and 1 by her family …I don’t understand why this should matter to you and why you are being like this .

@Justcallmebebes it’s not a grand garden it’s a big field and I don’t want to host them but my hubby believes that’s bringing us down to their petty level and we should be the bigger people

They sound like abs nightmares! I hope your partner didn’t just sit and listen to them berate you especially infront of your kids!
I would definitely tell them to find another venue. They have the nerve to say those things about your house but want it as a venue still 🤣🤣 not a chance.
Also 5 hen parties 🙄🤣🤣 is she for real?!
Upsetting my daughter over a dress and pulling her out the wedding like that is more than enough for me to not attend and partake in anything.

@caringcarer believe me I just want to tell them to bippity boppity the F off but hubs wants us to rise above it all and do the nice thing

@Northeastmammy it was my entire family they trashed and my husband was equally as vocal we already informed them that we are not going to the wedding and the venue is a big field beside our house ( hubs wanted goats and chickens and a pony at one stage.) we would have nothing to do with setting up etc but I just want to be a petty Betty because she devastated my girl while hubs wants to take the high ground

Had you not checked the dress with them before ordering? Usually the bride picks so that it ties in with the rest of the bridal party. Would love to see a pic of what was so insulting.

@JenniferBarkley she picked the dress we just paid for it and once she saw it on my daughter it suddenly became a problem

So why didn't she just change the dress?

If your husband allows his family to treat you this way and then goes on to let them use your property for the wedding, then he is a weak, spineless, people pleasing fucking waste of space and I would never, ever forgive him

This is all quite ridiculous. The right answer to Ashley's mum, your MIL and countless SILs (who are getting involved why?) is "eh? Ashley picked it."

I would let them use it BUT I would book to be away for the weekend, make sure the house is locked up properly and that noone in the family has a key. I'd make sure MIL knows you have booked to be away ASAP and let them take it from there.

You aren't being believed because this story is full of holes and makes no sense whatsoever.

There has had to be some exchange of words, some attempt to clear up any misunderstanding, some back and forth. You have not mentioned any of the actual conversations you have had with the bride and groom. It's gone from one photo to both families verbally attacking you out of the blue. Unless they have collectively suffered some sort of mass physcotic episode of bat shittery, this makes so little sense it just can't have played out how you have described.

They will trash the place.

When your daughter is older and realises that her father facilitates people who bully her, she may well cut him out of her life. Why risk that?

Never mind the excuse of 'being the bigger person' as a way of not dealing with the conflict they actually deserve. Good on you for standing up for your daughter.

100% this ... there's no way they'd be in my house again never mind having their wedding there! FFS tell your husband it's not going to happen, end of! And ask him why he thinks it acceptable for them to treat you/your daughter/him this way and then expect to have their wedding at your place.
I'd f*ck the lot of them off. Definitely don't allow this.

Do you know for certain they still want the wedding on your land?

Daft
Ashley ; you picked the dress. If you want her to wear something else then pick one.

or, you can all fuck off and have your wedding elsewhere if that’s how you want to play things but I’m not having you treat me or my family like shit. And DH support me in this or you can fuck off with them.