Sisters in law

[Facing40andfrazzled]

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

This. My thoughts exactly.
How could they hurt your little girl like that? It’s dreadful behaviour.

Let them have the field but THATS IT!

Go NC for ever after too. Who needs them?

I would make an appointment with a solicitor and request they draft a letter for sending to BiL & his soon to be wife stating clearly the terms & conditions under which they can continue to use your field as their wedding venue location.

Make sure that returning the land to the pre-wedding state is in there, particularly if they're going to have cars parked on your land. Also the provision of toilets for their guests is not your responsibility. They are just two of many things I can think of to suggest. If they break any of the t&c's, they can be sued for the costs of repairs.

I'd honestly go completely legal on their asses. They deserve nothing less.

Also if you keep it legal, then you can say to them "I'll get back to you once my solicitor has reviewed it".

Just a suggestion.

Up date …. After trying to have a civilised discussion with Ash and my hubs brother where we laid out the rules for using the field as their wedding venue … own water, generators ,toilets ,clean up, no access to our home, that we will be blocking off the lane from our side also he would like a legal contract drawn up etc hubs has told them where to go after a glass of water and some nasty names were thrown in my face when hubs asked why she lied about the dress and that as we had paid for it would she please hand it over … hubs has also informed his family that he will have no further contact with them unless it invokes a serious family emergency… and we are going to go away for the week of the wedding with the children …. Also the dress was given to us . stained ripped stinking thrown over the gate during the night …. We are all upset, angry hurt and confused as until this person entered our lives we were a close family but all we can do if protect our own and see what happens in the future ..

Wow!

Who assaulted you by throwing a glass of water at you?

Her or your BIL?

What a shower they are.

Better to step away.

Life going forward will just be more Jeremy Kyle style drama if you don't.

Actually I think you could be quietly pleased by the water thing as that type of behaviour makes no futher contact a no brainer.

Clearly fury at your pushing back.

Well done for laying down clear (and perfectly reasonable) boundaries.

Ash has well and truly shown her hand (as a lunatic) and anyone taking her side of yours deserves no more of your time/ thought or attention.

Why your BIL would want to marry such a person is beyond my reasoning!

Holy crow!! Honestly as hard as it is to lose 'family' you're well rid. There's going to be YEARS of misery ahead for all of them and you will be well out of it.

Good idea going away. But is there anyone who could do a 'drive by' the field around the time the reception would have happened. I wouldn't put it past them to do a sneak.

They kicked your daughter off the wedding? I would insist she is reinstated before doing it on your land. If you bail on them then this turns into a proper 10 year or more estrangement - she doesn't sound like the forgiving type- so think carefully. Be the bigger person. But don't let her bully your kid. Good luck. Sounds like a nightmare.

Well done for standing up to their CFery

Although I don’t think I would be comfortable going away during the wedding period. I would want to be around in case they try anything. With all her family together, and no doubt on her side, plus alcohol and emotions at a high you don’t know what they will do

If they can throw a dress over a fence what will they do when they know you are not there

Wow what awful people. You are well rid of them. Do you need to put CCTV up - if you're going to be out of town is there a risk of them using your property anyway

Oops sorry. Missed your update. Fine. Decision made for you. They have caused this! Let them deal with the fall out!

@Facing40andfrazzled

Sorry it came to this. Well done though. But I too would be worried about going away if they are still using the field next door and they now know you will be away. You could come back to any amount of damage quite honestly, what with the hostility and the damage done to the Dress

Please tell me that your hubs withdrew the offer of the field for their celebration after the glass of water was thrown?

Why are you still allowing them use your field after the latest throwing of water and destroying of a dress that you paid for.

I agree with others, I would also do something about security while you’re away as she clearly has no boundaries. She’s a drama creator and I’d put money on the next target for her behaviour already being lined up. Good for you in standing up to this loon. It won’t be long before you start hearing about other targets and have family members coming to you with their tail between their legs. There is no way that sort of behaviour will be confined to just you.

Who threw a drink over you?

I really don’t think you should go away? Aren’t you worried what they will do?

OP youndid the right thing! Is there anyone who can watch your property while you are away? Just in case...

I agree with others - if they know you are away and are capable off such horrible behaviour, you could come home to all sorts of hell. I would also get someone to watch your home/land. Security cameras at a minimum that will notify you of movement at the property so you can call the police on them if they choose to do anything destructive.

I hope you have taken photos of the dress.

Criminal damage of your property.

I also agree that goodness knows what damage could be done to your property.

I hope you have security outside, if not, it is not expensive to put up a ring bell and a few well place cameras.

hubs has told them that they are not getting the field after Ash threw the water in my face … and we have very good friends who live beside us and my cousin and his partner are going to stay in the house while we are away just in case …

They’ve both treated you appallingly, I’m glad your husband has (finally) told them to fuck off. I’m sorry for your troubles and hope for no more of their drama in your life.

Good plan OP.

Up your security.

Total silence going forward.

Thos SIL's that decided to get involved are no better.

This has been a gift.

You don't see it right now, but you will as the stories of the drama to come emerges, and it will.

Focus your time, energies and affections on those who wish you and your family well.

There is obviously simmering resentment in the family and it was only looking for an out.

How awful it came via a child.

So ugly and unkind.

But now you know.

Knowledge is power.

Whatever they say going forward, or your husband, they supported her, this awful behaviour, you being assaulted.

You need never have them on your property again.

Complete silence is the way to go.

We have cctv … fairly high stone walls and have arranged with a local farmer to put some of his cows in the field and he’s putting up electric fences all around the perimeter of the field …..

Ooh. I like the idea of electric fences.

Very much.

Good for you! With family like that who needs enemies.

I'm picturing the 'car alarm' in the original Robocop movie.