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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sisters in law

208 replies

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 13:25

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 25/07/2023 19:13

Wenfy · 25/07/2023 17:56

Are you guys gypsies? If so your DH is right - you just have to let the wedding happen for appearances sake. But I would be banning his entire family from your properties permanently. They can’t have the benefits of knowing you when they behave like that.

Did you really just post that????? 😳

momonpurpose · 25/07/2023 19:13

Lakeyloo · 25/07/2023 14:37

This.... you could even be nice and remove the livestock before the wedding. It'll be lovely having had a herd of cows in it for a month beforehand 😊

Show quote history

I love this!

Therealjudgejudy · 25/07/2023 19:14

Tell your wet blanket of a husband to man up.

Of course they shuould be told to bippity boopity the F off

Travis1 · 25/07/2023 19:17

Over my dead body would they be having their wedding on my property

Beachwalker66 · 25/07/2023 19:18

Therealjudgejudy · 25/07/2023 19:14

Tell your wet blanket of a husband to man up.

Of course they shuould be told to bippity boopity the F off

Absolutely.

No way on earth would they be using my field.

How wet are you?

PrrrplePineapple · 25/07/2023 19:22

Zero chance would I allow that poisonous cow the use of my property for her wedding. Say NO and let them figure it out.

CorvusPurpureus · 25/07/2023 19:25

Should be 'bippity boppity the fuck off our property', surely?

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 25/07/2023 19:26

Is it a large field, and has it been mown already? Might it be possible to have it cut and baled as silage? I also married an invertebrate and from experience I can tell you that you need to stand firm and make a massive fuss about this. At the moment he is more afraid of them than you and he doesn't see/care about the consequences of not siding with you.

If you can make silage, then I would suggest placing the bales either across the entrance to the field (not to difficult with the right tractor attachments) so that access is restricted, or else very close to the area where the tent will go up. Silage fucking stinks! I know this partly because I am a crofter, but also because Silage Wars was actually a thing in my village one year.

Theshortone · 25/07/2023 19:27

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:39

@MisschiefMaker she called to our house we picked the dress out ordered it with no changes but it was done on her laptop … she has been manipulating my husbands family against us for over a year she comes across as the loveliest girl but we are seeing her true side … we know if we take back the venue she will drag us through the mud which is why my husband wants to just let her have the field let others see we are not the problem and then just get on with our lives and ignore the lot of them but I am so incensed I just want to be petty and mean for once … we have withdrawn from the wedding ver her treatment of ore daughter … told them they cannot have our holiday home for their honeymoon refused all other assistance we previously offered the only sticking point is the field for their big barn marquee venue

Out of interest, if you let her use the field is there a chance she will wreck anything out of spite/ leave mess? I'd be really careful here. I mean she's already dragged your names through mud so what worse can she do???

Regardless I'd still say no personally unless she apologises and corrects everyone about the dress and any other lies. That way she has a choice, honesty or finding another venue!

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 25/07/2023 19:29

Also, why would you want to hold your wedding on the property of someone you clearly hate? That's weird. It's unfortunate that the wedding will have to be moved or cancelled, but by "unfortunate" I mean "tough but understandable consequence" obviously.

Your husband is worried about her spreading malicious and false rumours about you both, presumably. But she's going to do that anyway.

Theshortone · 25/07/2023 19:30

Also I'd do it all by messages so I can prove stuff in the future. Keep it all factual and firm rather than rude to clear my name

OhcantthInkofaname · 25/07/2023 19:31

I think its time to get the goats and pony. Then let them use the field.

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 25/07/2023 19:34

Do you have insurance for the wedding being held in your field? Might you be liable if she tries to claim that someone was injured while on your property? My farm insurance would definitely not cover this.

whatafaf · 25/07/2023 19:34

You reap what you sow. She's clearly very very jealous. Withdraw everything including the field.

NeverThatSerious · 25/07/2023 19:35

There is no fucking way that horrible woman or any of her rancid family would be setting foot on my property, least of all to lord it up and have a fancy party. No fucking way. How vile to hit out at your daughter like that and to drop her from the wedding.

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 25/07/2023 19:36

OhcantthInkofaname · 25/07/2023 19:31

I think its time to get the goats and pony. Then let them use the field.

It's always a good time to get goats! Goats are amazing. For maximum impact, you need an intact male, though. Even silage won't out-stink a billy goat!

WonderingWanda · 25/07/2023 19:37

No way would she be using my field after that load of jealous bullshit!

DinoSaw · 25/07/2023 19:38

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 13:45

@caringcarer believe me I just want to tell them to bippity boppity the F off but hubs wants us to rise above it all and do the nice thing

Doing the ‘nice’ thing for them involves upsetting you and your daughter. Why would he think he want to be nice to someone at the expense of his wife and child?

sometimes when we’re encouraged to ‘be kind’ we should also consider does being kind to this person hurt anyone else. And in this case it does.

so now your DH has to consider who to be kind to and who to harm. There’s no compromise option. Either way somebody will be upset.

OhcantthInkofaname · 25/07/2023 19:39

Tol85 · 25/07/2023 14:32

Rent your field out to farmer for their live stock in time for wedding 😆

Her DH wants goats. Now's the time!

Jl2014 · 25/07/2023 19:44

Given their behaviour there’s nothing petty about not hosting it. It would be ridiculous to host it now. Don’t be a doormat.

Coralsunset · 25/07/2023 19:48

That’s a good point about insurance. This woman hates you and tells huge porkies. You really want to expose yourself to that kind of risk? This could be a good argument to use with your pathetic weak willed DH. A big uninsured claim could bankrupt you.

OhcantthInkofaname · 25/07/2023 20:03

How about restrooms? Do they expect you to open your home to their guests?

Bingbangbongbash · 25/07/2023 20:05

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 25/07/2023 19:26

Is it a large field, and has it been mown already? Might it be possible to have it cut and baled as silage? I also married an invertebrate and from experience I can tell you that you need to stand firm and make a massive fuss about this. At the moment he is more afraid of them than you and he doesn't see/care about the consequences of not siding with you.

If you can make silage, then I would suggest placing the bales either across the entrance to the field (not to difficult with the right tractor attachments) so that access is restricted, or else very close to the area where the tent will go up. Silage fucking stinks! I know this partly because I am a crofter, but also because Silage Wars was actually a thing in my village one year.

I’d like this thread to take a little tangent so we can know more about Silage Wars, please.

saraclara · 25/07/2023 20:06

Have I missed a bit? What does BIL think about all this? What's the relationship like between DH and his brother?

HateLongCovid · 25/07/2023 20:07

Coralsunset · 25/07/2023 19:48

That’s a good point about insurance. This woman hates you and tells huge porkies. You really want to expose yourself to that kind of risk? This could be a good argument to use with your pathetic weak willed DH. A big uninsured claim could bankrupt you.

Yes defo think about the insurance issue. I don't regard her husband as weak like many . He's right that not stooping to their level makes him the bigger man. However with the concern of "Where there's blame, there's a claim" ie insurance, it might be wise to not let them use it.

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