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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sisters in law

208 replies

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 13:25

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 25/07/2023 17:13

So I would share the text from Ashley asking you to order the dress

then yes I would also say that as they have been so horrible, but obvs believe what they say to be true you are sure they won’t want to associate with you anymore, including holding the wedding at yours so you will leave it with them to find another venue

then I would cease contact with the lot

huuskymam · 25/07/2023 17:19

Not a hope I'd let them use the field. Your poor daughter, after being so excited for it, would be watching the comings and goings from the window and be more upset and wondering why she wasn't allowed be there.

whowhatwerewhy · 25/07/2023 17:20

I would message Bil , saying as it's been made so clear you are snobs because you have a nice home and your own business and your daughter is a brat , you totally understand they will be looking for a new wedding venue as obviously they don't want to be associated with your snobbery.

MisschiefMaker · 25/07/2023 17:21

Do you have text or email evidence of Ashley choosing the dress? If so definitely share it with everyone concerned!

Could it be that you made changes to her choice - like a poofier skirt for example- which seemed innocuous to you but have turned out to be really important to Ashley? If so I think there is a way back here... which is just to say there was no conversation on certain details but if they are disliked by Ashley then alterations can be made. Although I doubt you're feeling charitable enough to do that right now 😂

Weddings do bring out the worst in people.

Original poster
Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:25

@CheeseCakeSunflowers .. less than 3 months now so finding another venue would be nearly impossible

OP posts:
Motnight · 25/07/2023 17:31

Op I really hope that you don't end up like so many other posters on Mumsnet who just put up with being treated like shit. And then genuinely wonder 10 years later why.

TeachFirstQuestionsLater · 25/07/2023 17:32

Fuck taking the high ground and fuck them off! She sounds unhinged. Your poor daughter will see the wedding next door and wonder what she had done wrong!

3 months to find another venue? Not your snobby problem. She should have thought about that before being a cunt.

LifeExperience · 25/07/2023 17:34

Nobody but nobody who called my daughter a brat would be getting married in my field. Tell your husband to stick up for his daughter.

He doesn't want to rise above. He wants to avoid confrontation, the wuss.

Emmamoo89 · 25/07/2023 17:36

YANBU X

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2023 17:38

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:25

@CheeseCakeSunflowers .. less than 3 months now so finding another venue would be nearly impossible

Tough crap. I’d stick a bull in the field just to be double sure they don’t use it. Or pigs, they make right mess.

Original poster
Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:39

@MisschiefMaker she called to our house we picked the dress out ordered it with no changes but it was done on her laptop … she has been manipulating my husbands family against us for over a year she comes across as the loveliest girl but we are seeing her true side … we know if we take back the venue she will drag us through the mud which is why my husband wants to just let her have the field let others see we are not the problem and then just get on with our lives and ignore the lot of them but I am so incensed I just want to be petty and mean for once … we have withdrawn from the wedding ver her treatment of ore daughter … told them they cannot have our holiday home for their honeymoon refused all other assistance we previously offered the only sticking point is the field for their big barn marquee venue

OP posts:
PomTiddlyPomPom · 25/07/2023 17:40

If this has actually happened and you let them use your property as the venue then I actually despair of humanity.
I would tell them they can marry in a gutter where they belong!

decaffonlypls · 25/07/2023 17:40

I would email all family any evidence you have that's she's lying. (Messages etc) Then I would email everyone inc bride and say due to the treatment towards yourself and your dd the venue is no longer available. Then block. What your dh does is up to him.

lovesheart · 25/07/2023 17:42

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:25

@CheeseCakeSunflowers .. less than 3 months now so finding another venue would be nearly impossible

Shit happens when your a cow 😂😂 reap what you sow! Not your problem :)

momtoboys · 25/07/2023 17:44

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:25

@CheeseCakeSunflowers .. less than 3 months now so finding another venue would be nearly impossible

They made their bed by being so vile. Let them lie in it now. There is no way I would let them use my property for the wedding. Bippity bobbity F off. Our new favorite phrase.

Createausername1970 · 25/07/2023 17:46

Not sure what all the deleted messages are about. Family members?

Anyhoo. If you genuinely bought the dress as agreed, then the bride is definitely in the wrong. Weddings can get fraught, but this seems to be more than this.

From your description it sounds like jealousy, and there is bugger all you can do about it.

I totally understand how you feel and yes, ideally they will bibberty bibberty off. However, I am with your hubby. Don't descend to their level. I wouldn't be telling them they can't use the field, but I wouldn't be contacting them about it at all. I assume it has a padlocked gate?. So they will have to contact you to gain entry? And a field can get very overgrown in 3 months.

I would keep a dignified silence and let it play out.

BlairWaldorfOG · 25/07/2023 17:47

Absolutely not a hope in hell would their wedding be on my land.

TabbyBeast · 25/07/2023 17:49

Facing40andfrazzled · 25/07/2023 17:39

@MisschiefMaker she called to our house we picked the dress out ordered it with no changes but it was done on her laptop … she has been manipulating my husbands family against us for over a year she comes across as the loveliest girl but we are seeing her true side … we know if we take back the venue she will drag us through the mud which is why my husband wants to just let her have the field let others see we are not the problem and then just get on with our lives and ignore the lot of them but I am so incensed I just want to be petty and mean for once … we have withdrawn from the wedding ver her treatment of ore daughter … told them they cannot have our holiday home for their honeymoon refused all other assistance we previously offered the only sticking point is the field for their big barn marquee venue

Your DH is wrong; by letting them still use your field is not going to show others you weren't the problem but rather the opposite, it be taken as you were so in the wrong you couldn't possibly compound your wrong by withdrawing their wedding venue.

TellySavalashairbrush · 25/07/2023 17:50

I’d let them use the field, lock up your home and go away for the weekend. The truth about her character will eventually come out although it can take years. Be the better person. That’s not being a doormat, it’s further demonstrating that only she is the problem.

Marmalady75 · 25/07/2023 17:50

Do you know any farmers that might need to spread slurry over the field because they are renting it the following week?

MamaGhina · 25/07/2023 17:54

I would also withdraw the offer of my field for the day.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 25/07/2023 17:55

Will they also be expecting you to supply electric and a water supply to the marquee?

WhatADrabCarpet · 25/07/2023 17:55

Ok. I think I know what the issue is, given all the deletions and a MN intervention.

Unless you are very strong, this wedding will go ahead irrespective of your thoughts and feelings and your husband's wishes will supersede your decisions.

I'm not sure that there's much you can do.
It sounds like decisions have already been taken.

I hope you're ok OP.

Wenfy · 25/07/2023 17:56

Are you guys gypsies? If so your DH is right - you just have to let the wedding happen for appearances sake. But I would be banning his entire family from your properties permanently. They can’t have the benefits of knowing you when they behave like that.

Zeroperspective · 25/07/2023 18:06

Bippity bop the f off is my new favourite saying and absolutely what you should be saying to the vile lot of them along with showing any and all evidence to the family that it's the dress that A picked. Apologies if you've said this but how old is DD?