Sisters in law

[Facing40andfrazzled]

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

I hadn’t even thought of that. If you go ahead with this, you absolutely need specialist event insurance (and obviously they need to pay for it). A woman like this (or a member of her family) will definitely have a ‘nasty accident’ blamed on your ‘negligence’. If they get it right, they could end up costing you a fortune.

Say no. And cut her off.

Another person saying you’d be absolutely mad to let them use your land for all the reasons other posters have said.

your DH needs to speak to his brother and explain calmly and factually why your generous offer is being withdrawn.

Maybe let them use the field but either go away or go out for the day then they don't have access to toilets etc

OP, I went to a lovely wedding in a field recently.
There was a LOT of clearing up to do the following day. About 20 of us went back to help. If this lot don’t like you, do you think they will care about leaving your property clean and tidy? I doubt it, and you’ll need more than a few binbags.

Definitely make them go else where! Cheeky twats all of them!!

The compromise is: "We will accept you using the field only when you have admitted you chose that dress, apologised to us for your behaviour throughout, and apologised to our daughter for her like a commodity instead of a child. Please let us know your decision by Friday 4th August, because we need to confirm another use for the field from October."
Cows are the best use, horses otherwise. Someone local to you will help.

I can't get over doing that to a little child. The Bridezilla order's a dress, makes the child put it on and then ends up removing them from the wedding party because she believes the flower girl will get more attention than she does.
She then gets all the other females in the family to slag off the child and OP, that's really bizarre behaviour from supposed adults, especially if it also includes the childs Grandma and Aunties.

Just wierd !

As a previous poster said, that field is crying out for cows, right up until about 24hrs before the wedding, or even during, give that wedding the authentic rural feel ?

Wow, I’ve never seen so many deleted posts!!

I agree with others. Let them use it, but get an apology from her, her CF mum calling your child a brat (has she even met your DD?) and then your husbands shitty family too. She needs to admit it was the same dress, it just obviously looks so much better on your daughter than she thought it would.

Then you and your family go away for the weekend. Lock up your property completely, driveway, gates and all.

How would they access the field?
How are the powering their marquee?
Are they having portable restrooms / portaloos?
Do they have their own insurance as others mentioned?
Did they intend to power up from your house and have guests traipse in and out of your home to use the restroom?

Im assuming you have cctv? If not get it installed before the wedding.

Tell them to pisss off and find another venue

I wouldn’t host when your child is removed from the wedding party and you’re all slagged off.

‘Petty Betty’, tell ‘hubs’ answer is no unless ‘brat’ gets to be flower girl.

If she wants to play that game I'd go on the family watsapp clearly outlining what happened so everyone is aware of ur version and not just hers. Tell them re outfit was picked by her and you didn't change it and highlight that if A was unhappy she should have simply suggested another dress which you would've gladly done as you wouldn't ever dream of your daughter upstaging a bride, also point out the fact that your daughter was dropped immediately and no chance to rectify was given which hurt as in the end doesn't your matter at all for her to have been dropped like that?

Then and I say this which huge caution I'd politely tell them clearly they think your lifestyle if a problem and you don't want to bring the grandkids into this so they can still see them etc but regarding everything else it's now no longer feasible to have them host the wedding on your land, as you don't want to seem like your lauding it over them etc etc. Do the bitch move back .....she deserves it and yes it will all kick off but it'll teach her a lesson and show your daughter noone , none messes with the kids feelings like that. How awful ur kids must feel having to hear all that about them and thst shes jelous of her neice! Ridiculous.

If she’s already badmouthing you, think how much worse it will get after the Wedding, when she really has nothing to lose. Even if you let them have the field in perfect condition, you will be accused of deliberately doing something to spoil it. The grass in the field will be too long, the ground will be too soft or something else.

If your dh foolishly insists on giving them use of the field, you definitely need to get them to sign a watertight contract, ensuring that the field will be returned to its previous state, or they will be liable for the costs of doing so. Of course a large bond, of several thousand will have to be paid into your account, from which any damage or clean up costs will be taken, before the balance is returned to them. Make sure there are plenty of photographs, so there is proof of the condition the field, gates, fences etc. we’re in, prior to their setting up.

Also insist that they take out liability insurance, which will cover any injuries or accidents that may happen on your property, a copy of which must be provided to you prior to their setting up. Obviously no electricity or water, or entry to any other parts of your property, including your home, will be made available to them.

They may hopefully decide not to use your field, when they know that they will have to clean up all the mess made after their Wedding, or they will have to pay the costs of any outside contractors, that are called in to return the field to the condition it was in prior to their Wedding.

*were not we’re. Damned predictive text

Bippity boppity the F off is fucking brilliant and exactly what you should text every last one of them.

The beginning bit escaped me because I tend to ignore their petty squabbles, but Crofter A and Crofter B fell out. Crofter A put all of his silage bales about 15 metres away from Crofter Bs house, so he would have to endure the stink. There was much waving of pitchforks and opening of gates, reporting of various offences etc. Standard stuff for Crofter A. It might have gone on for generations (no joke in this neck of the woods), had Crofter C not become involved somehow (I think A insulted Cs wife, or maybe even his boat, who knows?).
C has a boundary approximately 1 metre from A's house and he put about 20 bales of silage right up against the boundary. I suspect he pierced them as well, but at any rate, he didn't use them and left them there until lambing time. A was livid and his wife gave him a hard time about being the cause of her having to live with the smell and the less than lovely view. Eventually, A apologised and moved his bales.

All bales are now placed sensibly and fighting is reduced to vague insults about somebody's thieving granny, or his badly-trained dog. All involved still fall out from time to time, but nothing like this. It sounds fairly tame written down, but at the time I thought someone was going to end up getting shot!

Practically perfect in every petty way. OP, take note: be more Crofter A / C.

Spray field with silage and tell them to fuck off

There's a very fine line between being the bigger person and being taken for a mug. Personally I wouldn't allow it in your field but unless they ask I wouldn't tell them either!

How long is it till the wedding? If its not long and there is little chance of finding an alternative venue in time then I agree with your dh

If it's not long until the wedding even better to not allow them to use your field, they'll probably have difficulties finding anywhere else! I can be really mean when I want.

Absolutely no way would anyone who called my child a brat and upset her by taking away something she was excited about over a bloody dress would be using my land for their wedding!

Your not being the bigger people your being pushovers. Id be sending a group message to the whole family saying since x has decided to cause so much drama over a dress that SHE chose and ordered and everyone has made it clear what they think of you, you just want to wish them well on the hunt for a new venue. Then I'd sit back in my field and watch the panic and chaos. Just keep repeating "i assumed by the way you all spoke to us at dinner that you didnt want anything to do with us so im a bit confused as to why you want a favour from us?"

Tell your DH that there is a big difference between being the bigger people and being a doormat. Having the wedding at your place after they have treated you so horribly is being a doormat.

They bullied and hurt your DD, insulted you and everything you are and your DH thinks letting them trample on you again is being the "bigger person"? It sounds like he is enabling them to treat you poorly and he needs to grow a set and tell them all to GTFU and GTFOOH!

I would not trust them on the property if you were gone. Who knows what they might do to anything you have out or even break into your house.

Just tell them and your NVDH that it is not going to happen even IF pigs fly.

I would just tell them they will need to find another venue, why would you accommodate people who have been so hostile toward you and your family. Has your DH spoke to his DB about this?

Sorry that the nasty trolls are out and about. Or is it feeding time at the zoo? Either way, ignore them, laugh at them, pity them as they obviously lack something(s) in their own lives.

If anyone called my DD a brat because of a dress that person picked out, I'd be giving it back to them with both barrels. Looks like Assley is making the term "bridezilla" look tame.