Sisters in law

[Facing40andfrazzled]

My bil started dating a girl about 3 years ago both are in their early 20s and the youngest in both families… Ashley( not her real name) was lovely to begin with but over time I noticed a slight hostility to me and my dh which gradually increased and spread to dh other siblings and their partners … they are getting married in 3 months and here lies the problems ….my lovely daughter was initially told she was flower girl we said we would pay for her dress etc to help out which we did the dress arrived and Ashley asked to see it on my girl …she looked beautiful and was so happy with the fairy style dress that had been selected by Ashley … 2 days later I get a text from As mother how dare I over dress my brat taking attention away from A and that was not the dress agreed on ….next was a call from my mil followed by all 3 other Sil berating me for spoiling As wedding by picking a totally ott dress for my girl ….now my girl has been removed from the wedding party and I have not been invited to any of the 5 hen parties/ bridal showers … the latest attack happened at a family dinner where dh my girl my 2 sons and myself were torn to shreds by his family …we are snobs we are selfish we think we are special with our big house and fancy cars …we have our own business that we worked our butts off to make successful….I stood up and said that was it we were done with her and her poisonous spite and we all left the problem is we agreed to host her wedding party on our property and I just want to say no get a new venue but dh says that would be descending to her level and we should be the bigger people …AIBU if i want us to descend to that level

I would not let people use my property after this abusive behavior.

If this is real then of course you don't allow them to use your property. Your husband sounds like a wet blanket. You already are the 'bigger people' because you are not pricks. They will ruin everything they can on your property. You would be absolute mugs if you let them. Tell em to fuck off.

@Facing40andfrazzled

I'm assuming that more things happened between the dress fiasco and now to make a more logical story as to how you got where you are.

Be that as it may, if I'd gotten to the same place you are, no, I wouldn't let them use the field. To do so is to basically give them tacit 'permission' to treat your family like shit and walk all over you because they know there'd be no real consequences. In fact I'd be binning off the whole lot of them and going NC. You don't need this kind of hassle in your life.

Being as it's your DH's family that does make it harder because your DH has a right to make his own decision as far as what, if any, contact he wants to maintain with them. But I'd be telling him that I had no intention of ever being in their presence nor speaking to any of them again. And that I'd be doing my level best to keep the children away from them too.

At this point all you can do is tell your DH that you, personally, are revoking your permission for them to use the field, and that if he allows them to proceed he is doing it against your express wishes and he will need to bear the consequences of doing so. He needs to decide where his primary loyalty lies, with you and your children or with them.

Also, if in fact they are badmouthing your business to your clients or potential clients I'd be seeing a solicitor.

Od let them use the field but I'd make sure it's covered in shit for when they start to arrive

Either way you’re going to look like the bad guy. You let them use it then it looks like you’ve been dicks and this is your way of apologising. You don’t let them use it you look like dicks who have spoiled their wedding.

personally I’d favour the second option. I have no idea how rural you are but remember this wedding is going to be a ball ache for neighbours who have to put up with the noise, the traffic and comings and goings for a week or two sorting the field (assuming marquee, catering, furniture hire etc). Given that and the inconvenience to you guys and not least your poor daughter seeing her family on her home but not invited. What does that tell her?

this woman is unhinged and the jealousy throughout the family about your success is now evident, they just needed someone to ignite them.

say no. If dh allows them to ensure there is no access to water, sewerage, electricity, short grass and is even be tempted to store silage (big wrapped parcel things) around the field at inconvenient spacing.

you’re the bad guy no matter what, in this instance it is entirely reasonable to act it out.

Being the bigger person, in my eyes, means letting yourself be treated like crap by someone.

Fuck rising above it,I'd tell her to get in the sea.

Exactly! Spineless. It's not being the bigger person, it's being weak and he's a coward

Bippity bippity the F off should be a catchphrase OP

If I were you i'd rather burn my field to stubble than let those ungrateful harpies use it

Play stupid games, get stupid prizes

You know they'll trash it, leave rubbish everywhere, piss your neighbours off with bad parking. You can do without the hassle.

In fact - you should hire your own marquee, throw a party on the field and invite everyone you know for the same date 😜

I can't get my breath, where are the full stops, have they bippity boppity fucked off?

Get them to fuck! If your husband chooses to go along with it, then he needs to grow a fucking spine!

Perfect

I wouldn't let them use the field.

Are you not more concerned that over the course of three years this woman has managed to turn your three sister in laws and your mother in law against you? Presumably they have known and thought well of you for a lot longer than that.

If you are determined to go ahead with letting them use the field then I’d go away for the weekend and I’d see about hiring a security company to monitor your property for the duration of the wedding, and setting up/clean-up. Or at the very least set up CCTV covering your house from all angles.

I’d also ask for a substantial bond upfront transferred to your bank account because you just know they will trash your field by leaving huge piles of rubbish, deliberately damage fences etc. About £2k min should do it or they can find another venue.

I would, however, pull the rug out under her and tell her to find another venue. Did you sign a contract with them to use your land? Otherwise it’s very odd to be so vile to the people you will using for your wedding venue.

Wait what????! They've done and said all that and still think they're going to be able to hold their reception on your property?? Are they made of pure brass? And you didn't say any of that when they were tearing you to shreds? Your husband sounds like a pathetic arse as well, it's nothing to do with being the bigger person, he just knows what he'll have to deal with if you pull the offer!

Nobody would call my kid a brat and then use me for my land to save themselves money!

@Facing40andfrazzled I’d be going low or no contact with his entire family for how they treated you.

what’s hubby think of His family beyond the rise about idea about the venue?

Let them have the access to the field. Insist on a deposit or insurance to cover any damage to the field/access/fencing or debris cleanup in light of breakdown of relations.

if they don’t like it they can find a different field.

I’d be done with the family though.

and really - a child stealing her day… what nonsense.

I’d also be praying for yellow weather warnings, flash flooding and thunder and lightening that weekend. And torrential rain the 3 days prior so set up was like wading through a muddy quagmire.

I'm really confused. Your DD was really excited to be a flower girl, she is now not going to be a flower girl. Yet your DH would allow the wedding she was going to be a flower girl at before she was "sacked" and called a brat, to happen right next to your home?

If you allow your field to be used, what's the plan? Do you and your family stay well away, invisible in your own home? How are your children going to feel at seeing all your relatives in your field and not being allowed to join them? I would think allowing the wedding to go ahead on your property, is a disaster in the making

It sounds like your husband is scared of the fallout of saying no to a nasty horrible manipulative woman who mistreated his own daughter!

How completely unattractive.

I’d genuinely be looking to leave my DH over this stance. However, I know him inside out and if this same situation happened to us he would tell her in no uncertain terms to fuck off to the far side of fuck…

Sounds like you've been well and truly Wendied by the nastiest (and have to say stupidest) Wendy ever. What sort of idiot bites the hand that feeds it?

But after having treated you so badly and making clear that they think so little of you and your fancy symbols of wealth, surely they wouldn’t now dream of wanting to use your field to get married in.
So I would assume they are finding another (much better) field to have their wedding in and you and your DH no longer need to talk /argue /think/worry about it.
I would make sure they know you are very relieved to no longer have to worry about power, water, sanitation, marquee, parking or any other kind of prep for their wedding but you wish them all the best in finding a new venue.

You absolutely shouldn't host their wedding! They have made it very clear what they think of you. You're not stooping to their level you are demonstrating self respect

I'm not one for wasting water but leaving some sprinklers running so it's like a big in time for the wedding would be satisfying

If you don't allow them to use your field, you are going to look like the bad guys here for sure.

Let them have the field, as others have suggested, lock up your house and leave for the weekend. Make sure no-one has access to bathrooms or electricity or water or parking. This may involve changing locks if someone has a spare key. Also, close and padlock your gates or leave a car blocking access. Your SIL to be had probably planned on using your home to get herself and her bridal party dressed, maybe storing floral arrangements, cake etc.

Take photos of your clean field the week and day before the wedding.

Pray for inclement weather.

Am I the only one thinking that October is not a great time for a wedding in a tent?

If you have text/message/email discussions around the dress choice then share it in your family WhatsApp, no comment needed.

If your DH is determined to let them have the field, absolutely go away for the weeknd. If you can afford to pay someone to be security outside your house, so much the better.

The heck with being the bigger person no way would I allow these people to have a wedding on my land