Is my child a psychopath?

[Cindertoffebuns]

I have 4 kids. All girls
They have adhd and we do our very best to manage this in a variety of different ways. We are very firm at home.

Today they went to a holiday club. DD 2 picked a ball up and threw it at DD 3 hurting her. Apparently this was before a game had started. She then didn’t bother to say sorry or check if she was ok ect. Just thought it would be a laugh to hurt her and run off. She is 10. Sister is 8.

Asking if she is likely a psychopath as she didn’t stop and check and she’s going into year 6 this year, that’s not normal is it.
For context she is the child that is the most mean spirited out of all of them. Always has to take things too far or ruin the day by hurting somebody.
She does have autism but can’t see this as an excuse tbh. Day 1 of the summer holidays and I could have relied on her to ruin them.
I know that sounds mean but I’m exasperated and her sisters are starting to really feel the impact of having to be around her so much.
The rest of us are so nice, why is she so mean spirited?

No she is not a psychopath. No diagnosis can be given such a young child.

No, she's impulsive and doesn't have the ability to see the impact of her behaviour on her sister.

🙄

No, she's not a psychopath. She's a young child with SEND who is still learning how to regulate her emotions and relate to others.

Yes complete monster, get rid.

Don’t be stupid. She threw a ball, she wasnt wielding knives or killing kittens.

Just teach her to be more empathetic.

Eye roll is really helpful thanks.
I want to help my child. I don’t know how or if my view on things is right. That’s why I’ve come here.
clearly I’m having a stressy day myself too.
Thanks for the well meaning advice.

No not a psychopath, don't be ridiculous. People with autism find it difficult to regulate emotions and understand feelings. Surely you must know this if you already have had a diagnosis. Read up on autism, Google it.
You are expecting her to understand feelings when you can't do this yourself. Put yourself in her shoes

I think this is why I’m exasperated is that I’m spending each and every day trying to teach her to be more kind and empathetic and she only seems more despondent and uncaring.
Where am I going wrong. If this is her nature what can I do?

Could totally understand the regulating emotions if this was a reaction to something or if her sister had bothered her, but in the incidences I’m talking about its just like she is stood there completely unprovoked.
Its these times I’m struggling to not just see it as totally mean spirited

You cannot label a young child a psychopath just because she appears to act spitefully and to have little empathy towards her sisters. Where does she come in the family? Is this normal sibling rivalry — has she always seemed to have resented this sister? Does she have difficulty regulating her feelings? Have you sought counselling for her?
You certainly have your hands full and I wouldn’t have voluntarily taken on parenting 4 children, so I am not minimising your distress, but I feel you need expert advice to put your family relationships into perspective.

My 10 yr old DD can be a bit like this especially with her 8 yr old sister. She has SN and I believe this behaviour is caused by emotional immaturity due to the SN, she has poor emotional regulation and poor appreciation of consequences - she lives very much “in the moment” and is governed by her impulses despite being very bright.

I find it infuriating and I do impose consequences, but I also have to remind myself she is more like a much younger child in terms of emotions/impulse control. She’s getting there, but slower than most kids.

My DD is always worst at the end of term/ start of the holidays as she is exhausted from school and is decompressing. After a few days she is generally better. Hopefully same for you

I’m spending each and every day trying to teach her to be more kind and empathetic and she only seems more despondent and uncaring.

You do understand being kind is not equal to being nice?

So someone can be or seem uncaring in certain situations, but they are actually being kind.

Just wondering how one teaches a child to be empathetic? Surely they either have the capacity or they don't?😕

Yes when she is struggling with feelings or dysregulated or overstimulated I do understand that. But sometimes it’s just completely unprovoked and seems angry and mean for no reason.

She has ADHD which means she is impulsive and does things without considering the implications. Typically, kids with ADHD are emotionally up to 4 years behind her peers.
But I am sure you know this?

Behaviour is a window. What is she trying to tell you, to tell the world?

Me and my sister would chuck balls at each other regularly. I didn't care less if she was OK, I did it to hurt her.

Honestly you need to do more research on your daughters condition esp about ASD and ADHD in girls as it presents very differently from boys.
She may learn to show empathy as she grows ( my child did) but it can take years as she has to learn, it isn’t intrinsic

Watch how a child treats animals.

I know "uncaring" children who treat animals very well and are clearly empathetic to them, and adults who treat animals poorly e.g. find them a nuisance but are empathetic and caring to humans.

I know what you mean about unprovoked stuff and DD does a bit of this too which is what I get most furious about

BUT it often IS a reaction - not to something DC2 has done but to, for example, a frustrating morning where she’s been asked to tidy up instead of doing what she had planned , or where she’s been told off a couple of times… she sometimes takes it out on DC2 obviously this is not ok, but just to say it may still be a “reaction” even if it’s not a direct one.

This is helpful thank you

She is wonderful with animals 😆😬🤦‍♀️

Psychopath sounds like a big leap to make from a single and fairly mild incident of sibling violence

So relatable!

She loves animals. Especially mini beasts and the likes. And is wonderful to her youngest sister. But particularly mean to the 8yo