Is my child a psychopath?

[Cindertoffebuns]

I have 4 kids. All girls
They have adhd and we do our very best to manage this in a variety of different ways. We are very firm at home.

Today they went to a holiday club. DD 2 picked a ball up and threw it at DD 3 hurting her. Apparently this was before a game had started. She then didn’t bother to say sorry or check if she was ok ect. Just thought it would be a laugh to hurt her and run off. She is 10. Sister is 8.

Asking if she is likely a psychopath as she didn’t stop and check and she’s going into year 6 this year, that’s not normal is it.
For context she is the child that is the most mean spirited out of all of them. Always has to take things too far or ruin the day by hurting somebody.
She does have autism but can’t see this as an excuse tbh. Day 1 of the summer holidays and I could have relied on her to ruin them.
I know that sounds mean but I’m exasperated and her sisters are starting to really feel the impact of having to be around her so much.
The rest of us are so nice, why is she so mean spirited?

That is answering the question but missing the point.

Do some children have cruel and uncaring traits from a young age? I think some do, to differing degrees.

I am the oldest child ( female) The difference in age between me and my brother is only 13 months. I have another brother 18 months younger than first brother. My nearest brother and I have never got on. We hated each other as children. I saw him as a threat. He was my mother's special golden child and he knew it. He is still the absolute favourite.Youngest brother is the baby and so not a threat to me I get on very well with him. We are all NT. Our mother is a narcissist . It is perfectly normal for the oldest and youngest in a 3 to get on and rare for the first and second born to get on in a three. A larger gap than 2 years makes a positive difference. Your children are 2 years apart.

If it was the first day of the holidays, she's probably struggling to adjust to a different routine. Also, the holiday club is something different. For autistic people, that's quite a lot of change, so most likely was the reason she lashed out at her sister. Add in the impulsivity of ADHD too, she's not a psychopath, she's just struggling in a new/uncommon situation.

Not nice for her sisters though, and hard to always be there to prevent it. Do you use any visual timetables/social stories to warn her of what's coming? That might reduce her anxiety and the behaviours too.

Sounds like normal stupid stuff that siblings do to each other.

This - she has ADHD and ASD for goodness sake. Please don't make her into the scapegoat of the family. You are being ridiculous to label her a psychopath.

The mean spirited streak could be coming from anxiety.
My son has adhd/asd. The behaviour you describe is very typical of him when he is anxious coupled up with poor impulse control from the adhd.
These two combined conditions are tricky as a parent to manage, but keep modelling empathetic behaviour.

I sympathise. I have a nephew who is 8 who doesnt have autism or any other diagnosed problem but will do exactly the same to his sister or brother, hurt them and run off. When he is with one adult person he behaves well usually, but introduce his siblings and he is unkind, a bully and unrepentant for the hurt he causes.

It sounds like you truly want to help her but it sounds like you've already decided she's wrong and is blatantly choosing to be a mean spirited girl on purpose. I'm not surprised she's getting.more and more despondent wheb your trying to teach her to be nice. Your underlining attitude and misunderstanding is the cause if that. Start with 'why would a good girl do that!? Behaviours are needs and kids act.out how they feel about themselves on the inside. Start from a place of.i jave a special SEN child and I know why she wants to be good.

You can’t apply logic to children with autism. You need to change your view. They can’t help how they act, respond and behave. You need to get support for them and you to manage the situation.
It’s really difficult but it’s not her fault. Labelling them as the difficult one is unhealthy and unfair.

My partners brother once told him he was going to stab him when he fell asleep (bit shocking I know) when he was 11. He also hit his sister with a frying pan when he was 10. He’s now a lovely guy and a doctor training to be a consultant! Don’t worry.

Umm has she picked up on the way you feel about her? Could she be reacting to that?

Have a look at dopamine and its
relation to people with adhd. Some studies have suggested that people with adhd have lower or much lower levels of dopamine so seek a hit of dopamine and a boost through their impulsive behaviour hence the sudden non calculated throwing of a ball at her sister etc. Im not medical but my 5yo son has asd so I read a lot about neurodiversity.

sociopath not psychopath do this kind of thing

might be worth getting a professional opinion

I really wish people would stop linking perfectly normal behaviour in children to ND or psychopathy just because it is unwanted behaviour.

Part of autism is being unsympathetic, surely you know this. It does not apply to all children, from my experience the child took 4/5 yrs but then grew out of it. Maybe her hormones are starting to kick in, or it could be that that’s just the norm for her,
please give her some cuddles and say I know you can’t help doing it and try your best to get thru it. The child I know, who had the same problem, has such an enormous heart now and very loving especially towards her sister and other kids too. Hold on in there, it must be so tough with 4 girls being ND. I feel for you.

I haven't read all of this but jumping in as Mum to a now adult DS with ADHD, on the ASD and other challenges. Seems to me your DD is jealous of 2nd DD purely because she wants all the attention. My DS would lash out to get attention. I once sat him down and told him that my DH, DD and I would throw our socks at him (his main weapon of choice). We all held the balled up socks and sat round him on the floor, he was standing. I asked him if he wanted us to throw the socks. He said no. I asked why. He said he would not like it. Then I asked if my DD would like it. He said no. I asked if people at school liked it. No. I said we could throw the socks at him even if he said no, and that he didn't like it. Slowly the penny dropped. After an immense pause he said "thank you for not throwing the socks".
It has taken me a very long time to understand a little of how he thinks but I now have a really lovely son. When he gets frustrated it is because we don't get what he is thinking. A lot of what I do is to include him in everything. That is explaining what i want hin to help with. How we will do it, When we will do it and then when the chore is over (often hoovering, washing the floor, emptying bins) heaping him with praise and saying how lucky I an to have him. Flipping your feelings and attitude is hard but it REALLY pays off.

Amen to this. I mentioned above it would be normal even without any sort of diagnosis.

I don’t think she’s a psychopath. Probably an over spirited and impulsive child who has loads of siblings to compete with. She’ll grow out of it and they’ll laugh about it when they’re older (either that or it will go Pete Tong in teenage years).

I am sure someone has said this already, I have 2 sons with ASD/ADHD and sensory processing disorder, one is 13 and the other is 10. No she is not a psychopath just struggling with impulsivity and sensory regulation/overwhelm. My youngest can be the same, she hasn't through her actions through and is just reacting. Also she my be experiencing sensory overwhelm at the club and with the end of term. Emotionally she is more akin to a 7 year old and she may also be going through early puberty which will add hormones to the mix. Just be patient and supportive. It does get easier.

This sounds like the kind of thing I would do to my little sister (and never to anyone else). Now I understand psychology as an adult it's understood (widely by the family and close friends) that my little sister is a grandiose narcissist and my reaction was fatigue, pent up rage etc at having to deal with her toxic crap. Not saying your child is a narc btw! Just saying perhaps your child is reacting to something her sibling is doing that you're not seeing? (My parents still don't get how horrendous my little sister is).

This!

very very very common in adhd kids, maybe do some research if you weren’t aware of it!
maybe add asd to the research list too as you don’t seem very aware of either.

Your 10 year old lives with someone that she can never live up to. Someone that everyone loves and praises simply for being. Someone who she can never be no matter how hard she tried. Someone for whom all this comes naturally and easy.She's living with a constant reminder she's not good enough/normal enough. How do friend,family,school reports describe the 10 yo?

To reframe this in your mind, there are hundreds of posts on here from people being jealous/envious of others and how easy they have it, how they always seem to land on their feet etc. Not just that but sometimes there's even an admission or itself implied that they'd like something bad to happen to the other person, at least once. They are just old enough to know that it would be wrong to do it themselves.Are all those posters psychopaths/dickheads?

You need to build her up, improve her self esteem, separate her/her behaviour from her sister.don't compare and ask other people not to. Does she have any friends? Hobbies?

Is she also like this at school OP? Or just home? Curious as I have a 9 year DD with adhd.

Presumably you aren't doing any breeding? There's enough twats in the world without you passing along your genes