Is my child a psychopath?

[Cindertoffebuns]

I have 4 kids. All girls
They have adhd and we do our very best to manage this in a variety of different ways. We are very firm at home.

Today they went to a holiday club. DD 2 picked a ball up and threw it at DD 3 hurting her. Apparently this was before a game had started. She then didn’t bother to say sorry or check if she was ok ect. Just thought it would be a laugh to hurt her and run off. She is 10. Sister is 8.

Asking if she is likely a psychopath as she didn’t stop and check and she’s going into year 6 this year, that’s not normal is it.
For context she is the child that is the most mean spirited out of all of them. Always has to take things too far or ruin the day by hurting somebody.
She does have autism but can’t see this as an excuse tbh. Day 1 of the summer holidays and I could have relied on her to ruin them.
I know that sounds mean but I’m exasperated and her sisters are starting to really feel the impact of having to be around her so much.
The rest of us are so nice, why is she so mean spirited?

As bullying is a cause of complex trauma and a form of child abuse I think this proves @BiscuitsandPuffin argument to some degree

That's what I thought too when I read OP. Many kids won't apologise unless you speak with them and actually send them to apologise to their sibling. It would be odd of any child to throw a ball and then instantly say sorry.

But a child can have trauma without it being the parents fault . Abuse can come in the form of playground bullying. Being sexually touched by a stranger. Those things are just as likely to cause trauma issues. You can get BPD or CPTSD through those things too . So it's not always parental.

Exactly . Children tend not to apologise because of shame . Or fear they will be punished.

I'm absolutely not offering a diagnosis. I'm just saying that for a minority of children there may be a bit more to it than ASD/ADHD.

I think you need to speak to a HCP to get advice on how to care for SEN children better. Autism is not an excuse, and the way you describe your kids is awful. This is on you, not them.

I think this is fairly standard especially between siblings close in age. Me and my dsis used to fight a lot, play pranks on each other etc and neither of us are psychopaths. If she is also doing it to non siblings then I would worry but at the moment I would just impose consequences for poor behaviour.

Maybe she can tell that you favour her sisters and as a result she resents them?

As a rule of thumb I'd be looking to identify my own weaknesses as a parent before trying to label my own child. Your kid your responsibility.

My autistic dd is awful to our cat, pulls his tail etc. she shows no empathy at all. I'm sure she's a psychopath.

There's a video on YouTube about a lady who had sociopathic type behaviours as a foster child . She was diagnosed with RAD, and it was said she might end up a sociopath if she wasn't helped. She had a lot of help . She is now a born again Christian who helps abused children . I think her name is Mary Beth Thomas.

I think if you've got 4 kids some of this is attention seeking behaviour too.

Lack of empathy towards others is a big part of Autism !

people seem to be being a bit harsh to you! Three of us have diagnosed adhd in our family and yes while being impulsive is a trait being impulsively mean is not!!
I would prob ask her how she would feel if someone throw a ball at her how she would feel about it and if she would like it. And then tell her not to do it again.

IMO there is no need for any diagnosis. A child who chooses to hurt others needs consequences or they will continue to make those choices.

Sounds like it’s part of her ADHD - impulsivity can be very strong in kids with ADHD, and obviously every child has different factors to a different extent.

My DS has ADHD and can do some things you really don’t understand at times. But talking about feelings and working on strategies can be really helpful. Grounding works very well for him (he’s 9)

Obviously consequences for doing things that hurt others/ are against the rules, but I never feel this is the main thing that helps.

Did you grow up with siblings OP?
honestly chucking balls at each other, fighting etc are pretty normal. And it’s very seldom just the one siblings fault, the younger one is frequently winding them up/ trying to get the older one in trouble, chucking a ball when you’re not looking etc. you do sound quite negative towards your dd2, psychopathy would never even cross my mind!

It’s not, it’s a damaging stereotype. many autistics are very empathic.

No, she has a condition impacting sensory, communication and interactive development. She needs support to understand the expected responses, siblings are unfortunately much like parents. Overfamiliarity, more.likely to push each others buttons with zero effort!
I get it. My daughter seems cruel sometimes she can be very impulsive with very cutting insults and has difficulty recognising and expressing feelings such as regret, remorse or just generally admitting an overreaction happened. I have to read through a quick overview of autism when I'm alone and remind myself it's connected.

Jesus Christ. I've never seen such hatred from a parent towards their own child. Genuine question - are they your natural born children?

My child has adhd
she also has autism
could she also be a psychopath

label, label, label

Stop trying to psychoanalyse her the whole time and diagnose her with something that you are most definitely not qualified to do and maybe try just playing with her and remembering she’s a child who is learning

This thread has made me so sad for this poor girl. OP, the words you’re using about your ten year old daughter (could be a psychopath, mean spirited, knew she would ruin the first day, don’t want her to turn out a dickhead) are just so awful and lacking in empathy for her. She has obviously picked up on family feelings towards her, however careful you think you’re being around her.

That poor lost little girl. May I suggest some counselling for you, some external support about best ways to approach her behaviour and what might be causing it? I really think you need some outside neutral person who can help to repair things. Then you might start to see a change on her behaviour and you might start to like her a bit more.

I think you would be feeling more than exasperated if she was a psychopath!

Absolutely untrue. Inability to communicate empathy in a way that registers with NT people, certainly. But then it's the job of the parent to enable that communication.

Many children with ASD need explicit instruction and opportunities to for overlearning. They need exposure to situations where they can practice the skill.

For example, 'put the kettle on' will result in my DDs flicking the switch on the kettle, even if it is empty. 'Check there is enough water in the kettle, fill it up if there isn't, and turn the kettle on.', after giving clear instruction on what 'enough water' is, will result in a boiled kettle of water.

The same needs to be done with empathy. 'Even if you don't like sparkly pink balls, if Lucy does like sparkly pink balls and she has lost her ball, she will be sad. We should say something nice so she knows that we understand that she's sad.'

'If you throw the ball and it hits Lizzie, it will hurt her arm. Even though it was an accident, we say sorry for her arm hurting.'

Gradually, an understanding about social convention may come, even if an instinctive 'typical' empathetic communication doesn't.

Psychopath was perhaps a poor choice of word, but from the way you write it is obvious you love your kid. Some kids are just not likeable at that age (read through the threads about 8-12 year old girls and awful behaviour, they sound worse than toddlers!). That doesn't mean she won't improve with time and become a lovely adolescent and young adult.