Everyone loves her-how do you become like this?

[Backinthesummerof1995]

One of the school mums/women in my area is so loved by everyone, super popular but in that nice way as in, people just adore her. She’s v confident and quite loud, but also great fun and a genuinely nice person.
I know lots of people with a great bunch of friends, but almost literally everyone loves her and she has friends in every set of people. I’ve not seen this to this extent before. They write things on her sm (birthday etc) about her being a truly beautiful person inside and out.
How do you become a person like this?

Anyone know people like this?

Used to! Not sure how you become like it - seems to be a pheromone or something! But I think if you are genuinely lovely in all ways then that helps.

You put other people first and make the comfortable

I know someone like this - I have analysed her behaviour when I'm with her and I still don't know what it is she has. She's a lovely, kind, smiley person and people naturally seem to be drawn to her - even strangers - somehow she can make a casual remark and the next moment the person is telling her their life story!

She herself is middle-aged but her 'power' seems to work on all ages and both sexes.

I can be as kind and smiley as I like but if I start talking to strangers they look at me as though I'm bonkers.

I wish I knew her secret.

Nobody is beloved by everyone. If it helps I'm thinking ugh she sounds annoying 😉

Being a thoughtful person, never giving advice unless asked, always being genuinely happy for the good news from friends, not gossiping, and I think an extra X factor of charm!

I don’t know this person but I can guarantee that everyone does not love her. You, and others, might think they do but they don’t. The person you are describing does not really exist. The real person under all of that has flaws just like everyone else. Some people are just better at selling themselves than others, and for some it is really important to be popular.

She's obviously just got the X factor!

I don’t know her massively well and do find her a bit loud (only because i’m
pretty quiet though)
But so many people seem to say how she’s been an amazing friend to her…I think im
a really good friend and help my friends out but others don’t seem to get acknowledged in the same way. What does she do that’s so special 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I doubt I am beloved by everyone no one is but I am good at making people laugh as is DS. This means people like our company. DS said to me when he was still quite young, you could describe making a cup of tea sound interesting Mum. I also don’t mind organising things and entertaining at home.

@FrivolousTreeDuck same here strangers like to chat to me, one of my sisters and my Mother, sadly no longer with us were the same. My other two sisters don’t have this happen to them. Back in my home town taking DH for the first time so many people, stopped to chat to me in the High St future DH asked my sister do you know everyone and my sister replied no just Thatswhatitis does. Myself, my sister and my DS did all at least start our careers in emergency services/caring professions so are people persons.

She sounds socially adept and confident besides being fun and a good friend. The "fun and a good friend" bits are what make people truly like her, whereas the "socially adept and confident" traits are the ones that make people identify her as dominant and want to be publicly identified with her.

They might like you just as much but not feel the need to broadcast it because that serves no purpose if you have very average social status.

My own personal school bully has all this sort of crap written about her on sm… She is fake as hell to others (babes, hun, go girl, be kind etc) and people fall for it. Used to drive me mad as her vile bullying pushed me to the brink.
I know just think ‘meh🤷‍♀️‘ and ignore it all.
Sometimes it’s all smoke and mirrors.
We are not all that we appear to be.

I’d assume she is charismatic and good company as well as kind, and that her popularity has to an extent become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy, in that it’s fuelled by the knowledge that lots of other people really like and value her, which means that she has lots of social options.

Therefore, if she’s choosing to spend time with you, or doing you a favour, it’s out of a place of plenty and free choice, rather than because she’s a craven people-pleaser, or trying to buy friendship with services, or because she has no other friends and is desperate for an invitation or the social contact of giving someone a lift or looking after their children after school.

The same act of kindness will code differently to many, depending on who does it.

I’d agree with that, too.

I know you've put a winking emoji but please let's not turn this thread into 'let's slag off this woman we don't even know' 🙄

OP, you don't 'become' like it, at least not at the adult stage of your life.

You normally find people like that have pretty much always been that way naturally.

I know quite a few shiny people like this. I really enjoy being around them! They are not all loud, though some are. All are extroverted (as I suppose how would we all notice or know them otherwise.) Generally:

• Lots of smiles and a sense of fun and humour
• Generosity of spirit - assumes good faith where possible, without being foolish
• Don't take things personally
• At the same time, quite upfront about feelings, good and bad: I feel left out! I was really tired. I was so excited and full of myself.

Overall, a general lightness and openness that makes them easy to be around. Not faking or concealing emotions, but just expressing them without loads of shame or judgment and getting over them easily. The snarling beasts of envy, spite, shame and resentment are quiet in them.

So interesting! Humans are strange and fairly weak really, with what they cling to..with social status etc..why does it even matter 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know a school mum like this, and having gone through life never seeing anything like this it totally baffles me! Other mums are also kind and nice to chat to, but this particular one is just the loveliest person I’ve ever met and literally no-one has anything bad to say about her. I’m not even really friends with her but she always makes time to speak to me and involve me and my kids in things. She’s not loud as such though, I think I’d find that annoying from OP’s example.

I get what people are saying about it being a smokescreen but I really don’t think it is, her children are exactly the same, everyone loves them because they’re the loveliest children, even other children can never find anything to fall out with them about 🤣

It’s just very strange!

My mum was like this. Everyone who met her loved her. She was positive, optimistic, kind and she listened. If you confided in her you knew it would go no further. She had a wicked sense of humour and a permanent twinkle in her eye. She was the best human I’ve ever met.

Oh and her mum is the same, she picked the children up for a few weeks while their mum was at home with a new baby and by the end of the few weeks she knew everything about everyone, knew all of the children and we all knew her name, yet she wasn’t at all imposing! It’s like they just infiltrate by stealth 🤣

I knew a couple of girls like this at university, who are now slightly famous. Wit and charisma. Benevolent but not in a craven people pleaser way. Same qualities in the popular school mum types (not the bitchy queen bee bully types who people defer to but don't really like).

Boundless confidence is very important. To cultivate this, you need to be born to loving parents who can also afford to send you to the right schools.

I don't like loud or confident people. Or people who take internet chatrooms ridiculously seriously.

I think a lot of it is about genuinely liking people and being interested in them and pleased to see them.

Like they meet a new person and immediately think "Hooray! Another great person! My lucky day!"

It's a magnetic quality.

I think this is it!

I'd love to be like this and have spent my life trying to be. But the reality is I am morose, shy and give off massive "fuck off" vibes. I think it's just about being confident and having energy.