Everyone loves her-how do you become like this?

[Backinthesummerof1995]

One of the school mums/women in my area is so loved by everyone, super popular but in that nice way as in, people just adore her. She’s v confident and quite loud, but also great fun and a genuinely nice person.
I know lots of people with a great bunch of friends, but almost literally everyone loves her and she has friends in every set of people. I’ve not seen this to this extent before. They write things on her sm (birthday etc) about her being a truly beautiful person inside and out.
How do you become a person like this?

I'm thinking the same. I used to work with someone who was 'loved by everyone' and 'would do anything for anyone'. Until they shoved everyone under the bus at the first wiff of promotion.

I don't trust people who are nice all of the time. No one is nice all of the time. Everyone has something or someone they don't like. People who are nice all of the time don't come across as genuine to me.

It's called charisma. It's a rare, fortunate quality and you can't learn it, people are like that from childhood. I know two people with it (in different areas of life) and they're both very outgoing, both performers as a hobby and work in sales by day, both very popular, everyone loves them. They're funny, engaging and positive.

I just enjoy their company and accept that I'm not like that at all 😂

I don’t know this person but I can guarantee that everyone does not love her.

See, I'm not sure I agree with this. I know two mums through school who are genuinely just super people. If someone told me they didn't like one of them, it would make me think that person wasn't particularly pleasant themselves. The only motive I could think of would be jealousy.

Sadly I am not like them, but I've made my peace with that and muddle along OK.

No one likes everyone - she’s just popular.

She is probably genuinely very nice, genuinely interested in people, thoughtful and a good listener - but also a real extrovert and life and soul of the party. She’s also charismatic.

If you try to imitate someone else op you will exhaust yourself, just be yourself. If you’re nice and interested in people you will have plenty who think you’re great. Social confidence comes with practice.

I bet she has really healthy self esteem and is comfortable and confident in herself so has loads to 'give' to others. As well as being a radiator of good vibes (my mum divides people into emotional drains and emotional radiators- it does make sense).

I think if you hear someone like this described and your first thought is that you don’t think you like them, that in itself is probably a big clue that you’re not that sort of person!

Default to suspicion or negativity is something that these types of people seem to lack, so they give out positive optimistic vibes.

Nice, funny, but not a wet blanket.
Some people are just naturaly positive people and it makes others gravitate towards them in a same way like people keep away from always negative people.
Being positive an nice doesn't have to be fake, it's just a character.
And no, I don't think one can become that really, it has to be there as part of personality. Fakeness comes out.

I don't trust people who are nice all of the time. No one is nice all of the time.

It depends on your definition of 'nice'. Someone who is always fawning over everything and everyone is clearly insincere and untrustworthy by definition. But someone who is straightforward and honest yet compassionate and considerate is absolutely capable of being 'nice' all the time. Not many people are like that, but they do exist.

It sounds exhausting being her.

I think a lot of it come from having strong self belief and self confidence. Being absolutely sure if yourself in any situation.

I know someone who on the surface appears like this...but as is often the case, a lot of the adoration is driven by fear. Fear of getting on her bad side.

She doesn't work so she has a lot of time to arrange play dates etc for her kids and she has enmeshed them in a huge group of strong friendships due to this, and they are already "popular" in the same way that she is. They are both primary school aged, and the younger daughter, aged 8, already has quite a Mean Girls vibe about her.

I don't necessarily think she is a bad person, but she's not just "lovely" - it is an orchestrated effort to make sure that she is friends with everybody. In all social situations, somebody is always left out. She is just making damn sure it's never, ever her or her kids.

That's interesting, do you mind if I ask why you don't like confident people? I get not liking loud people, but I've never heard anyone say they don't like confident people.

I think partly you're just born with it, or not.. Being charismatic and magnetic. Some things you can work on, being friendly and smiley, asking lots of questions about people you're talking to and showing real interest. Trying to be positive and relaxed. But none of that will be enough to get you to be really adored by people, I think some people just have a vibe about them which attracts others. Extroversion is part of it I think, people like this tend to be more open and give more of themselves which disarms others and makes them open up in return. But you can't really force that if you're more introverted.

She does sound wonderful 🩵

I do think some people are just like this, they're not perfect, they're flawed like the rest of us but there's something about them that you cant really replicate or put your finger on. I have a close friend who is like this, objectively she's not the most beautiful person so it's not purely shallow; she is thoughtful but also sticks up for herself, so it's not because she bends and breaks for others to detriment for herself and is like a magnet for people. She is bloody lovely though and has me howling with laughter. I think OP just treat people well (that includes yourself).

Completely agree with this!

I have a close friend like this. She is very charismatic and energetic and is the key person in every friendship group (eg the one everyone wants at their birthday/wedding/drinks)

She is very confident, capable and thoughtful - she makes a lot of effort to contact people, support them through difficult times, always invites people to interesting things, remembers to call them etc. She is that person you could call at 2am in a crisis and she would know what to do.

However as someone who has known her since university and is very close to her I know this comes at a price. She is underneath not a particularly confident person so she needs to surround herself with people and always be busy and feel liked. She can often give too much of herself and then get upset or disappointed when others aren't as generous with their time as her.

I am one of the few people who sees the real her underneath the confidence and capability.

I really don’t know the answer to this. I try to do everything possible to be liked and a good person and I’m universally disliked 🤦‍♀️ I think because I have autism I come across badly even though I’m actually never unkind or untruthful and I do things to help others I’m still avoided ;and have been described in very negative terms by professionals - I did subject access requests and that literally made me cry )

I think some people are just likeable no matter what and others just disliked even if they try really hard

Talk to people with interest, remember things about them and ask about those things. For example "hi X, how's the house move going?"

It’s personality and genuinely being interested in people. It’s actually being interested in responses other than ‘fine’. when asking people how they are. Being positive and wanting to help people. These people are not jealous types and are not always in competition with others. They are confident in themselves and like to see others do well. They find inspiration in others that are doing well.

I know a couple of people like this. They really really care about what people think of them which means they are always working really hard to keep everyone happy (people pleasers with no boundaries). They are lovely and popular but I don't think it's great for their mental health particularly.

I think it’s about being friendly and a good listener. Being humble and admitting your faults: self-deprecatory humour is important. Showing interest in others and not talking non-stop about yourself which so many people do. Smiling also helps. Quiet confidence but not arrogance is key.

Is she attractive OP? I may have missed that. People who are naturally attractive or make an effort with their appearance also draw others to them.

One ex NDN and school mum is like this. Everyone seems to know her and likes her. She had a best friend school mum who was very similar but very loud.

However, her DH’s best friend’s DW (looked and was like Amanda from Motherland) didn’t like her to the same extent (envy?) apart from of their kids we’re having play dates etc.

I do think it is sometimes a bit of an act though, as I’ve seen/met her on an off day!

I've concluded that some people are born with charisma, and some are not.

Agree! You can't make it up.

I am genuinely interested in meeting people and learning about them and it makes people like me a lot. Its not fake, if I'm asking how you are or if your Mum is still in hospital etc its cos I am interested and people really respond to this. I'm not great on details though, but I find this is a very attractive quality when people show they have been listening - how was the house rental in Cornwall, as opposed to how was your weekend away.

Also smile by default. Its a fake it til you make it thing but people like people who smile at them and reap the rewards

Being interested in people and a good listener helps. This woman I know couldn’t do it so much until she gave up work to be a SAHM after her second child was a toddler.